where to meet people, and how do you talk?
I'm 22 years of age and have never had a single friend and spent 2 years boxed inside my bedroom not leaving the house as my parents found it hard getting me into a school which accepted me.
Over 90% of the time all i do is sit and play xboxLIVE even then I'm afraid of talking down the mic even when my name is getting called.
My worst fear in life is to spend the rest of it alone without any friends and no one to love which is why I thought I'd try this site as perhaps someone may understand when my family do not.
First off I live in Kent, Tunbridge wells area and was wondering if anyone knows of any meetings or clubs for adults for people like us.
And secondly I know this may sound stupid but how do you talk to people? I have tried and tried in the past at my previous job and this one but no matter how calm I try to be I always seem to stutter, and loose the meaning of words for example I may say chilly when I think it means warm.
I just wondered if anyone could give any advice at all or something as I just seem so intimidated by everything.. even a little primary school boy I saw walking down the road..
If you're in college join clubs and soccieties. If not do a course or a night class. You'll be supplied with a group, you'll all ready know what subjects theyre interested in, you can in effect choose groups that has similar interests. And I always find it easier to join a group as its forming.
as for talking, a lot is practice. you need to practice a lot. what seemed to do subcocisly was find a group of people that knew no one that i knew, could not effect me real life and practice on them.
Talking to people for the first time: I make some observation about the immediate area or situation, or a relate question. let them talk. introduce myself. try to find something about what they said to ellaberate on. If I get stuck. Travel, School, Family seem to be good topics.
Remeber its a tennis game. back and forth. don't batter them with what you want to talk about, let them respond, let them change the subject. Don't not return. Return the vollie. Back and forth, I usualy aim for about two sentences.
Questions are great. ask about them or the common situation. You find out what their interests are. if they overlap with yours great.
Conversation is all about practice. The more you do it, the easier it will be and the less you will make errors like speaking incorrectly. Plus, you will gain a better ability to recover from social errors, and to realize when a social error is serious or minor.
So I think one of your biggest goals should be to get into some conversation groups. Since conversation is still very new to you, you should try to find a group that is built around people who struggle with conversation. Look in your area to see if there are any Asperger's or social anxiety groups. You could also consider something like a Toastmasters club or an improv theater class which are focused around interaction.
This is probably a very good thing to involve your parents in. Tell them that you want to start having some conversations and making some friends, but you're not sure how. With luck, they might be willing to help you look for social groups, or might give you some social skills advice.
You could also consider seeing a counselor. There are counselors that specialize in clients with Asperger's or autistic spectrum conditions. They would be very well equipped to help you learn conversation and help you find good conversation groups and start making friends.
The important thing to remember is that this can get better, and you can learn to make conversation and have friends. It just takes being determination, practice, and a willingness to keep trying when it gets hard and ask for help when you don't know what to do. It sounds like you're already off to a good start
Oh, and just in case you'd be interested, I wrote an online social skills guide, which is designed to be helpful for people with Asperger's (I'm an Aspie myself.) You can read the section on conversation at http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation or you can just start the guide from the very beginning by going to http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com . I hope the guide will help you. Good luck!
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