Cost/Benefit Analysis

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Does anyone else do this with socializing? As in, do you think to yourself before to deciding to interact with friends(or friends of a spouse, etc) "Can I have more fun with this person than doing something alone?" Do you sometimes hang out with people when you don't want to out of a sense of responsibility?

I've done plenty of both, and feel quite guilty about the former. It's been worse for me lately(I lost a friend of over a decade over idiocy, which could be contributing): even among my friends who have very low expectations/requirements of me, I still feel burned out and reluctant to give my time.

I know I should want human contact, but what I want more than anything is to play a good video game or just sit and watch movies with the wife.

This has happened before, but not usually for this long or this severe. I just wish I knew myself better so I could know the why and make it better.

I think that's entirely natural for an Aspie, I do it all the time. Though I generally think about it in terms of if I feel up to socialising, or if I feel more of a need to decompress on my own.

As for the sense of responsibilty thing, I would count just about every formal family gathering that my extended, sprawling tribe has. I have on occasion been pleased that I'm working as it neatly gets me out of one of those events. Sometime feel vaguely guilty at that though, when other family members are saying "Aww, you can't get time off for X? That sucks!" and I'm actually privately quite pleased about the situation.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it, seems natural for a Aspie given that for us socialising is hard work!


Edit: As apparently my typing sucks this morning....

Absolutely, I know I do this, but mostly subconsciously.

The most precious thing we have is "time". We need to decide how to spend it.

Once in a while when we have a friend over (musicians), something magical happens and I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything, but often socializing is exhausting for me.


So I decide, am I willing to give up my time for the possibility of having a very pleasurable experience. If I'm not overly depressed or stressed, it can be very good.


When I'm depressed, I don't want to share my time because I know it will effect other people, and I need time to be in my thoughts or doing something I really want to do by myself or with my husband.

I always do a cost-benefit analysis before. Sometimes I think I hang out *only* out of a sense of responsibility, unless there is a particular activity involved that I would really like to do, or there are only one or two people going in total. I know that I have to socialize so I normally go to whatever event comes up where I am invited and I can't make up a good excuse.

i guess i am a responsible type, in that i will go to my aspie meetups even when i feel like crap. i try to offer moral support for my fellows. i would expect a bit of the same consideration from the others. maybe that is naive or quaint, but that's the way i am.

Yeah, I do this as well. Though I do usually end up sucking it up, and going out of a sense of responsibility. Or rather, going in order to not hurt the person's feelings, which is almost but not quite the same thing.

^^^
the irresponsible fellow is devil-may-care, but a man possessed of emotional caring or caring about the emotions of others, is demonstrating a kind of responsible behavior.