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Transhuman
Snowy Owl
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16 Jan 2012, 3:49 pm

Whenever I come to a new school, many people approach me - from 6 to 20 people (usually, I get approached the most when I come during the school year). They usually sit with me or ask me questions, and such. I'm sometimes very "popular" during the beginning of the school year, when I go to a new class with many people who don't know me. I even won the class head election against a very "popular" and known person at school once.

However, within a few weeks, this popularity, interest and respect for me seems to fade with an astonishing speed. And it fades to such a point that I end up having absolutely zero people talking to me. I end up usually sitting alone, and people seem to have formed groups with whom they socialize, and I end up being left out, without any group. It's like the entire world moves on, and I'm left behind. I end up having absolutely zero friends, unless I meet someone who has a lot in common with me, which happens very rarely.

So what seems to be the problem here? By the way, when somebody sits near me, they're usually the ones asking questions, but it isn't rare for us to sit in an awkward silence. The conversation, if it's even there, seems to be very boring and awkward for both of us.

Sometimes, it's far less complex than that. Sometimes, I go to a new class, people approach me and sit with me, we end up having a very awkward conversation if any, and then, they sit with somebody else, form groups and socialize with them.

What do you think could I do to fix this problem? And why does this happen? I feel like I'm more interested in the cause than the solution.



Uprising
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16 Jan 2012, 4:25 pm

I get the same thing.

it seems to me that people are first being turned on by your looks and appearance so they urgently go talking to you and find out you're actually a surprisingly boring, dull person to them and they run.



Sweetleaf
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16 Jan 2012, 4:27 pm

Reminds me of the school I went to during middle school and most of high school......the popular kids would always give any new students lots of attention and include them and stuff, but unless that person proved them self as normal enough or good enough of whatever it would just fade and they would receive more of an outcast status.......it even happened to me.

Its not right at all, but I know it happens and I am not sure what one can do about it...other then try not to let it get to them and make them feel bad about them self.


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Transhuman
Snowy Owl
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16 Jan 2012, 4:39 pm

Uprising wrote:
I get the same thing.

it seems to me that people are first being turned on by your looks and appearance so they urgently go talking to you and find out you're actually a surprisingly boring, dull person to them and they run.


How is this even related to the looks, at least for the heterosexual males who approached me (I'm a heterosexual male myself). It seems like your explanation would only apply either to bisexual males and females, heterosexual females and homosexual males.



Uprising
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16 Jan 2012, 4:46 pm

Transhuman wrote:
Uprising wrote:
I get the same thing.

it seems to me that people are first being turned on by your looks and appearance so they urgently go talking to you and find out you're actually a surprisingly boring, dull person to them and they run.


How is this even related to the looks, at least for the heterosexual males who approached me (I'm a heterosexual male myself). It seems like your explanation would only apply either to bisexual males and females, heterosexual females and homosexual males.


With looks I don't mean sexual attraction only but also status.



diniesaur
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16 Jan 2012, 8:26 pm

You should ask those people questions about themselves! They're asking you questions, and apparently they expect you to ask them questions. Otherwise, you will seem like you're not interested in being friends with them. It takes practice to think of good questions to ask people, but here's a hint: if someone asks you, say, what classes you're taking, you should tell them and ask what classes they're taking. Then, you can ask them things like how they like those classes. You can kind of echo their questions when you're in the basic "getting to know each other" part of the conversation. Also, don't just listen; show them you're listening by doing that Neurotypical "Eye Contact" and "Nodding" and "Smiling" stuff.

I assume you have ASD or something like it. You should tell them about that! Don't hide it, because 1) it's interesting conversation and 2) they will realize you're different eventually and may take your lack of social skills as a sign that you're crazy (in a bad way) or that you don't like them. If they know about your ASD they will also probably feel more comfortable telling you if you do something annoying to them.