*Ragequit*

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Not here. I'm having a social issue, and I'm not sure how I should be handling it.

I'll try and keep it succinct while maintaining relevant details:

I used to run a D&D game. It went well, everyone was having fun. But it never got finished due to things going on outside the game. I poured my heart and soul into it. Furthermore, world and character building within game systems is an intensive Aspie focus of mine. I can spend forever just working on mechanics and backstory.

Anyhow, my wife has reconnected with an old high school friend recently, and she's been pulling me along as well into socialization. She's also been doing this thing I hate, which is putting commitments on me that I don't want to do. One such thing was the possibility of running a D&D game. I suppose I could have backed out, but with my wife encouraging me, I decided to give it a try. What I realized I could do is run a new campaign in the same world and eventually tie the two stories together in such a way that the newcomers don't even notice there was another game. Now, these people are newcomers, and they have kids. I tried a startup session last week, and due to distractions from the kids, almost nothing happened.

So I was assured that this week would be different. The children would have a babysitter, everyone was excited, etc. So I've been spending hours writing up detailed game mechanics cheat sheets for each character so they can get used to the rules easily.

But tonight, I get bombarded. They want another person to play, someone I've never met. And in every single past instance, bringing in a friend of someone else to play who I haven't met ends disastrously. Furthermore, they gave him my email address and I have already received a long email about how he wants the game to be run. Also, they now want to start earlier on, at level 1, which would compromise the story and requires me to come with something else at the last minute.

I didn't really want to do it in the first place, and i haven't had a single chance to run the game like I would like to. And now I have all these changes/expectations thrown on me out of the blue.

What I really want to do is just say "f**k it" to the whole thing. I'm also hurt and upset enough that i'd rather not spend time with them at all at this point. I also feel a little hurt that my wife, who pushed me into this to start with, seems to be on their side. I'm also sure that making this all a little harder to deal with is seperating from a longtime friend two months ago. I might be over-sensitive as a result.

So the question is: what do I do? Do I go with my gut and quit? If so, how can I possibly do it gracefully? How can I explain how I feel? Or do I try to make them happy even when it makes me immensely uncomfortable and I know it likely won't work?

God, I am so damned sick of dealing with people.

Why not meet in the middle? Agree to let the new person play, but run a one-off session that's not a part of a campaign. You can just reuse an old dungeon or encounter from your old campaign and save yourself the work of making everything from scratch. Make it clear that you're not sure if you can commit to running a campaign long-term, but you're happy to run one session and then later decide if a long-term campaign is the right now.

If everything goes well and you enjoy the one-off session, then woo-hoo, you can do a campaign.

If the evening goes poorly and it doesn't work out, then you only have to tough it out for one evening. Not ideal, but you make a good attempt, you made your wife happy, and you got another taste of DMing.

What do you think?

I guess that is the reasonable option. I just wish I felt reasonable.

It's good advice and there's a decent chance I'll go with it. I just feel like a petulant kid right now(and i'm sure it's showing).

Give the new person an "orphan" character, so as to avoid the tedium of character creation once again.

Then be brutal. Max out the monsters' hit points and number appearing. Give the kobolds the tactical advantage of guerrilla warfare, and never keep track of how many were killed. Keep treasure down to coinage and maybe a healing potion or two. Hold off on the major magical items. When they visit the bazaar, let there be only those things that you'd find at a RW farmers' market (food, trinkets, clothing, maybe a decent knife or two, and maybe a potion or scroll of extra healing) - no armor, no magic items, and no mercy for pickpockets and shoplifters. Have everyone in the party roll d20 under their CHA scores; those who roll above get harassed by the guards. Those who resist in any way get arrested "on suspicion", with a hefty fine for carrying unlicensed magic items and not having their familiars on leashes. Failing to clean up after one's horse could also enrich the city coffers...

Rattle a random handful of dice, chuckle softly, and ask for the new person's character sheet. Make a few pencil marks on it, then erase them. After a few minutes, hand it back with a smile and say, "I'm so sorry" without telling anyone why.

Pick a random character. Have them save v. poison. Something they ate gives them -2 v. THAC0 and damage for 1d6 days.

Enforce the rule for Natural 1's when rolling THAC0 - either their weapon breaks, or they drop it.

In other words, if it is going to be miserable for you, make it miserable for them.

I'm sorry Fnord, but I can't bring myself to do that, regardless of how upset I am.

For one, I'm just not that kinda guy.

Secondly, it wouldn't be fun for me to do that, and I'd like someone to have fun at least.

Thirdly, my wife is part of this group, and these are her friends. I would like to stay married and avoid a fight if possible.

Fourthly, my overwhelming desire right now is to run the Hell away, not drag things out.

I appreciate the thought though.

No worries.

I ran an AD&D 2nd ed. campaign for 7 years with the same core group. I liked that core group - four people who knew how to have fun and when to get "serious" about gaming. The rest were looking for a re-creation of their favorite sword-and-sorcery book or movie (I think "Beastmaster" was popular back then).

One of the things I learned about gaming was to never let your spouse or girlfriend into the game, because if things don't go her way, you're likely to fight about it afterward, and if things do go her way, then the others will think you're playing favorites. Either way, sooner or later, she will "suggest" new players, new rules, and new adventures ("My Little Pony" AD&D Style?). She may also begin to second-guess your decisions, and even tell you who should be rewarded or punished through their character.

Best of luck with all that.

Sorry, wish I had actual advice. But I do sympathize, I ran a V:TM game for about half a dozen sessions once and the players lack of appreciation for the sheer amount of work that I put in, their insistance that it be run "their way" turned me off of the game entirely.

With a good group, it can be extremely rewarding. With a not-so-good group, it is among the most frustrating experiences out there.

While I'm afraid I can't give you any advice on how to do so, I'd recommend finding a graceful way to back out of it before these people drive you insane.

And I'd definitely agree with Fnord that running a game with your spouse as a player will almost always end poorly.

If you do that, they'll just make it more miserable for him. Arguments will start, his wife will be upset with him, and he'll come across as some kind of sadistic power-tripping jerk. Dnd is a game, and games are supposed to be fun. If you try to run a game so that it will intentionally not be fun, you're doing it wrong.

OP, why not talk to your wife and explain how you're feeling? (assuming you haven't already done so.) Talk about how you're upset about not being given a choice, and how you're thinking about doing a one-off session but you might feel too upset to do that. Try to avoid blaming her or hurting her feelings; try to assume that she was trying to do a positive thing and didn't mean to upset you. Maybe talking with her will calm you down and allow you to run a session and have fun, or perhaps she will understand where you're coming from and help you gracefully bow out of your commitment to run the game.

That's all well and good, but the game should be fun for everyone, and not just the players. If the DM is not having fun, then what is the point of his or her participation? At least, with my way, his wife may eventually give him the old "FINE! Do it your way!" speech that gives him creative freedom, or the "FINE! Why not just quit?" speech that lets him completely off the hook.

I'm with you on your reason's for why you think he should do that, but it seems excessively manipulative. Better, I think, if he just approaches his wife and tells her his concerns.

If she hasn't seen fit to consider his feelings by now, what makes you think she will at all?

Better to manipulate someone into thinking it is their idea than to risk being manipulated into doing things their way instead.

I hate to see it this way, but she does sound pretty insensitive about it all.

I know -nothing- about Dnd, but the very notion of having to deal with people I've never met, let alone meeting several of them in a short amount of time, would certainly reduce me to not being very nice.

AD&D is a role-playing game - where people cooperate in telling a story, each according to his or her character's race, class, and other attributes.

As for what the OP is claiming ... Imagine, if you will, that you are an outstanding cook, and that you enjoy cooking for your family and a few close friends. Imagine then that your hubby or boyfriend decides that you are going to cook for a group of his friends once a week, and that at the last minute - after much careful planning and effort on your part - one or two more random people show up each week and expect you to include them as well.

How might you feel?

She may have never run a game herself and just not realize how much of a problem it is for him. I'm just giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she does care about his feelings, she did marry him after all.

That makes sense.


In my opinion, if she cared about his feelings, she would show her concern by not putting him on the spot to entertain her friends.

She's definitely put him in an uncomfortable position. I guess the reason I'm cutting her slack is because I've been put in uncomfortable positions by people who genuinely meant well. Could be, all she sees is that he enjoys DMing and wants to give him a chance to do it again, without realizing how important it is to have just the right group of players.

I do think that if he talks to her about it, and she won't help him out of the situation, that running a game no one enjoys in order to get it over with isn't completely unreasonable. It just wouldn't be my first choice for how to deal.