Making genuine friends; NT to AS

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I'm just beyond casual friends with an AS adult female, but I'd like to be closer with her, platonically speaking. I've read lot of threads asking about making friends and about the difficulties of becoming genuine friends with people, but they have all been in the context of an AS to NT. As an NT, I'm more interested in how one goes about becoming a genuine friend from an NT to AS perspective.

How would an NT go about becoming genuine friend with an AS?

The only thing I can think of, is get them talking about something she likes, that should make her comfortable around you. The same principle aplies to NT as well, but especially aspies.

Have patience... The friends I feel closest too are the ones who've respected my timescale for becoming friends with someone, and haven't pushed for too much intimacy too quickly. Of course, your friend might be nothing like me, but these are a few things I really appreciate...

- Good conversation about music, film, politics, books and so on.
- Not too much pressure to talk about "feelings" and "relationships", aside from on the odd occasion, which would preferably be when we are both extremely drunk
- I like people being in touch with me regularly but not overwhelming me
- I like being invited out, but not at the last minute. I like it when people allow me to make a plan
- I like people who arrive on time to meet me
- I like people who shrug off the odd embarrassing moment

It's pretty much the same as being friends with anyone. Be nice supportive invite her to group/or one on one activities. Don't feel bad if there's a lot of stuff she's not interested in going to. My problem has always been about my space. I don't always feel up to doing a whole lot of stuff and if I bail on something it's usually because I don't feel up to it not because I didn't want to go hang out with my friends.

If it's not too personal, could you explain why sometimes you don't feel up to it? I've read quite a bit about AS and think I have an good idea, but I don't want to be presumptuous.

Well I personally have a much lower tolerance level for things other people can handle fairly well. Sometimes being in a room that's too noisy can make me feel uncomfortable in social situations. Part of that is because I have Audio Processing disorder I don't always hear things very well. I also can become uncomfortable in a noisy room just because of sensory problems. Sometimes I don't always know how to contribute to a conversation related to something I'm not entirely interested in. I might miss social ques and become a little embarrassed about my obvious awkwardness. It can take a lot of out me processing wise to be outside of my comfort zones. I don't always feel like talking to people because sometimes I get bored with doing that. I don't like always having to explain my difficulties because it makes me feel like a weak person. Sometimes it's best not to go out with friends when I don't feel up to it. I'm not as much fun when my mental exhaustion or boredom is getting the better of me. I have a lot of good reasons to avoid social situations, but that doesn't mean I want to skip out on them entirely. I like being included in things with people who get to know me well and I feel comfortable being around.

The introduction of too many new people at once can be very intimidating. When I'm talking to people I don't always make eye contact and they think I'm ignoring them or overly anxious. I'm often very anxious most of the time because of my sensory problems, or because of other things going on in my life. I don't like it when people accuse me of being too anxious or quiet. I like my own space and will tell people how I feel about things on my terms. Sometimes NTs ask me stupid things on the assumption that by my body language I'm depressed or in a bad mood. When they ask it is often not the case. A big problem is being miss read. As an NT friend your probably doing one of the nicest things you can by trying to understand it. I'd love it if someone who wanted to be my friend was interested in trying to understand something that does have a big impact on my life. I don't know what her tolerance level for her stuff is but positive social interactions can be helpful in making most with AS more comfortable and willing to be in social situations. I also like to play with random objects in my hands a lot to make myself feel less negative sensory stimuli.

These are some related threads.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt173972.html
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt185700.html
http://cdn.wrongplanet.net/postxf159384 ... 0b0d53cd8d

My best friend is a nt. she's just so nice.

Understanding how she thinks and acceptance of it goes quite a long way, and it looks like you're on the right path.

Thanks for your indepth comments Angel_ryan. They're very useful in helping gaining an insight as to what challenges she might have. I hope you soon find a friend that appreciates you.

Thanks Glad to help I do have some really good friends that know about my AS it took a while and even some explaining, but I do find it can be easier to keep friends if I explain to them how I'm different. It works out well because if I tell someone and they don't want to hang out with me because I have AS than it weeds out the unaccepting or immature people who I wouldn't want in my life anyway.