Feeling of seperation

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Hey guys my name's Adam and I have high functioning Autism.

It seems that I am slowly seperating from my peers as they get ready to move on. I'm only 17 and yet I feel that I don't have a true, best friend within my constantly changing social groups. While everyone else in my year are getting drunk, having girlfriends etc and meeting up at the weekends. I have to make do with staying at home, becoming an occasional recluse while every so often going into the city to repetetively browse for things to buy with the little money I have as I have no job but I get monthly money for chores.

After this negative / deppressing summary of my life, I can say I am not completely friendless. But the friends I do have don't seem to acknowledge me sometimes which is frustrating as they blankly stare into space and are at times, too childish to have a serious conversation to without talking behind someone's back or making crude, unfunny jokes that even my decent sense of humour can understand. They all know I have autism but I simply don't have the patience to talk to people who aren't going to talk back to me most of the time. This has led me to constantly flit between varying social groups, mostly younger than I , to keep myself interested.

The support from my school has done little to encourage me. They often treat me like I do not understand basic mathematics and tell me how to cross a road on school trips. WTF? My mum and dad often at times try to treat me normally, I have not yet told my brother in the fear of being the older, "special" member of the family.

What I have written so far seems very selfish, I assume, and I just wanted to know if anyone understands where I am coming from or has had a similar, (but not exactly the same) experience to I .

Thank you for reading.

I can understand where you are coming from. I don't always fit in with the people who are supposed to be my peers. I've had to learn to fake it. Friendships and social stuff is always a give and take thing. Everyone has to compromise something to have friends, whether it's making an effort to listen to a friend with a problem when you just don't feel like it, or going to an even thats important to them when you don't want to, or doing something they want to do that you don't much care for. The thing is, they have to make the same effort for you too.

Lots of people, both NT and on the spectrum, don't seem to know this. Many are "fair weather friends" who will be great to hang with as long as things are going to please them. The first time they are inconveienced, they change personalities almost. They even do it to each other, I see it all the time. I'm not saying don't hang with them, I'm saying that you have to decide how much emotional investment you want to put into them. They make great acquaintances, and even friends, but not very good close friends. In other words, have a great time with them, but don't expect them to be there for you. If you want to, you can be there for them when they need you, and then call on them when you need them, but if they aren't there for you, don't bend over backwards for them again, keep them as just buddies.

It sounds like those are the types of people you are meeting. It also sounds like you could use to meet other groups of people. Have you thought about looking for groups or clubs outside of school that are about something you are interested in? Maybe volunteer for a cause that you support. If you are religious or affiliated with a religion, see if there are youth groups that you might like. What about things at your school that you could do after hours? Are there school ball games you could go to? That will at least get you out in a social environment some and it's cheap.

As for people talking down to you because you have autism, that's my biggest fear. I was dx'd a few years ago with AS (I'm 47) and I only tell very few people. Many tend to equate all autism spectrum disorders as profound incompetence and the mentality of a five year old. I would calmly but firmly tell those who talk down to you that you are competent to do whatever it is, and if you need help from them, you will ask. If it's someone explaining something to you like you are a five year old, you might try talking slowly and using small words back to them im a voice that you would use to talk to a child with. Then say "If I do a good job can I have a cookie??" In a kind of sarcastic way. I'd only do that if the person keeps it up. At school, I would suggest going to the teachers and staff who treat you that way, and telling them in private, that you have noticed that they talk to you like they think you don't understand and don't have sense. Tell them that you know they mean well, but it offends you, and could they please speak to you like they would any other person your age. Tell them that you may need extra help with things, and when you do, you will gladly ask them for it. Tell them that it feels disrespectful to you and that you know they don't mean to come across as disrespectful, and thats why you are asking them to treat you with the respect and courtesy that they treat others your age.

Good luck, and welcome to WP!

This actually might get better responses in Social Skills and Making Friends. I'll ask a mod what they think.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Thread moved from General Autism Discussion to Social Skills and Making Friends.

I have a very similar experience. I am the same age as you and have one friend, he is older though and not in my school. I usually stay home on weekends. I have never been out with friends out of school activities and I don't go o many of those.
My school doesn't know about my diagnosis and we don't talk about it at home at all cause I get mad if someonebrings it up.
So I guess it's fairly similar.