I think I offended my friend...again.

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I don't get it. I tried to explain how I wanted to help people overcome things like anxiety and depression by showing how I have overcome them, yet she took this personally and agreed with others who have said I'm trying to make myself sound better than them.

It even took me a long to realise this could be an AS thing. I mean I have learnt so much about understanding people but I forget there are just so many things I've yet to learn.

Maybe I should stop telling people that I can't deal with their emotions so I'd rather not talk to them. Oops!

It just seems every now and then I say something that puts my friendship with this person on thin ice.

I don't even try to make friends but losing a friendship is something I don't want to go through.

My friend knows I have AS but she still attacked me. Her reply was like daggers, really emotional and I could just hear the anger. I don't do well with emotions. I can hear them from just reading what someone types and that alone stirs emotions in me which are hard to control.

I just want to help people. I even do the same to help people diet properly. That gets the same reaction too.

What am I doing that is so wrong? I admit though I'm critical of human behaviour even though I understand some parts of it. I find it unnecessary because it doesn't exactly help solve a problem.

Please don't take offence to what I write. If you do explain to me where I went so wrong.

not much to say... Go find some one and get a big hug, if your not weirded out by people touching you. As a genral rule, hugging makes everything better.

I have read books about relationships, such as the one about men being from mars and women being from venus.

What I learned from that is that often women want to talk about their concerns and problems at length, and what is soothing for them is the process of talking about it, and being listened to, and having someone say things back to them like what they have already said, as in saying, "It sounds like you are very sad with your current situation" and then keep letting them talk.

The book also says that men's response is often to offer solutions and try to fix the problems, in an efficient and helpful way. They do this out of wanting to help the other person. But what the friend wanted was to express herself and be listened to instead.

Im not sure how this translate into Aspies, because I tend to fall into more of the "male" logical solution providing mode myself, however it does help me to keep in mind that sometimes a friend just wants to speak and be heard.

I feel for you because I have a friend who either often offends me, or is offended by things I say, it seems like we constantly take turns and I would hate to lose the friendship despite it being stressful at times.

I am not sure what you did wrong. This reminds me of how some former bully victims will write about how to deal with bullies and how to avoid being a victim and people read it and take offense to it as well. They view it as the author blaming the victim and saying what an idiot he is or how he was probably a bully himself.

Maybe your friend just took you out of context. I am sure things I have written about myself here members have taken offense too.

I'm female too and think I am more like a male.

I think she took it personally. She says things that offend me too but when I complain it's like I'm over reacting.

I hugged my cat.

The former bully thing sound interesting and related exactly to what I'm going through. I suppose I feel so much better having recovered from depression and anxiety that I want to share it and because I don't want to see anyone go through that.

Another thing my friend said was trying to make it sound like I didn't know what clinical depression was, made me sound like I thought depression meant 'sad' and made it seem like she had it so much worse. I mean I have PMDD which used to make me suicidal every couple weeks a month and can still do that if I didn't keep control of it. The anger issues are harder to deal with. And there was no trigger for it, it was a side effect from the pill. Depression and anxiety usually have a source or a trigger, some experience that slowly developed it and because people have to deal with it for years it's harder to overcome. I understand that but I'm at a loss when I can't offer anyone practical advice.

And then I went on about neuro plasticity and training the brain. Oh dear.

And I think because in the past every form of medication I've taken have given me severe side effects which have stayed for life, I get critical about people taking medication. She took offence. But I didn't go into my spiel about how people should do more research before they take medication.

At least she lives an hour away and I rarely see her.

Thanks for your help everybody. I will try to keep in mind 'talking about problems' rather than coming to a solution quickly.

I don't know if you are doing this or not, but keep in mind that people don't like hearing advice they have not asked for, especially if they are by any chance in denial of their own issues. Trying to help someone in denial will actually make it worse - it's called the backfire effect.