am i a creep or what?

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well, that's a loaded question. comes off as excessively demanding sympathy. but i'm frustrated. so here goes.

why is it that people (even good friends) often think that i'm going to follow them places, go somewhere i'm not invited, or just plain refuse to leave? i don't do this. i really don't do any of these things. especially not the former two. i'll admit sometimes i am not sure when the appropriate time to leave a social situation is, but usually my solution to this is to leave very quickly, arguably soon enough to qualify as rude. occasionally i will stay too long, but that usually is embarrassing enough that i very rarely make that blunder. it's usually when i've been drinking, i guess. maybe the judgement is the first thing to go.

it's not as if i'm refusing to believe that i'm doing anything to lead people to think this about me. it probably is that very reason. i just don't know what exactly it is that i'm doing, especially when i feel i go out of my way to avoid getting that reaction from people.

for example, once, when i was still living in the states with my old roommate and his girlfriend (who moved in after the two of us were already living together in case you think i came into that living situation uninvited), my roommate's friend's girlfriend had a birthday party. now, i knew quite well i would not be invited to that. my roommate's friend obviously didn't like me too well. i didn't know this guy's girlfriend almost at all, probably for the former reason. so, anyone could understand that i wouldn't be invited to a thing like that. my roommate and his girlfriend were getting ready to go out, and we were chatting as they were getting ready. i said nothing about going with them, nor to my knowledge did i make any sign that i was interested in going. so, it was greatly to my surprise and discomfort when one of them said something about warming up the car, and looked very meaningfully at the other. needless to say, they never came back in from warming up the car. i thought to myself about how unnecessary that was. i hadn't even wanted to go. i also thought.. is this how i come off to everyone? apparently so. although this is the most intense occurence of this sort of thing that i've ever encountered, it isn't the only occurence by far. i get this a lot.

so my question is... does anyone else get this? do you know what i might be doing wrong? i don't get it at all. i really don't. it makes me feel quite uncomfortable, and it makes me want to avoid socializing with anyone. maybe i'm overreacting, but i really hate this. it makes me feel like a kid, and i'm nearly 30 years old now. that, perhaps, is what i hate most of all.

Hmm, maybe you seem to pay a lot of attention to what other people are doing, in a way that other people find unduly curious. It's possible others see you as taking nosiness to another level or something of the like.

I think I used to be like this quite a bit when I was little (say 9 or 10 years old). I obviously didn't realize it at the time, but I was really, really nosy about what people around me were doing. It stopped when my attention started turning much more inwards as I got older.

this is a kind of common occurence, i think that the way you were standing around gave the vibe of 'i'm coming with you' while you were actually waiting for them to leave so you could have the place to yourself (for example).
i dont really know how to explain how you feel those vibes going off; but you could have prevented this specific situation by saying something along the lines of "have fun tonight" while crashing on the couch with a book or something, that would make it abundantly clear you have no intention whatsoever to join them

I think you're just surrounded by the bad side of humanity, in my eyes, there are 2 kinds of people, the ones that love you and the ones that don't. No matter how you come over or try to make yourselves adapt to them, they will always view you the same way. Your roommate and his gang are just shallow and pretentious, that's all!

It's not how you come over to most people in general, because in the end everybody looks at it differently and also is different from each other in their way of thinking and seeing things.

People might share a few thoughts about you even if they don't know each other, but that's because they also share the same level of personal stupidity with each other.

I'd make a point to not go over to friends houses very often because of stuff like this, and if they start assuming stupid things don't go back at all ever.

I used to get this reaction, until I realized that I was staring at people. For a long time, I didnt realize how my looking at other people appeared to others. Sometimes something they wore or a facial feature would catch my interest and would study them...but due to a lack of theory of mind...it took alot of insults until I connected the action with the reaction.

Maybe thats what is going on.

Maybe you should let them know what you are going to be doing with your time. This will make it clear that you have no intention of asking to go with them. But don't make it seem as if you are saying that you are going to be lonely and bored. This may seem like a request as well.

They might have gone out to the car to smoke some weed. I have been invited to smoke with people by coded message and meaningful look in that manner before when non-smokers were present.

I know a lot of people that when they say they are going out to warm up the car they are meaning that they are going to stay outside with the car until the other person comes out, and it's an indication to the other person to hurry the hell up and get out to the car soon, because they don't want to wait any longer.

right... i'm sure it is something UNSPOKEN.. ie body language or somesuch. or just failure to communicate that i do actually have things to do myself. thanks to everyone for those suggestions, they made a lot of sense and i'll have to think on them. although i'm not sure exactly what constitutes good posture or body language in that situation. i liked what someone said about staring though. i probably do that.

funny that someone mentioned weed. dude was actually very very into marijuana. still is, i think, as of this day, though i think on a very reduced intake. but he was very open about smoking in front of me. after all, we were friends and had known each other for years. i'm not much of a smoker, drinker, or drug user. but occasionally he'd share some with me. though i wouldn't know how to light a pipe by myself to save my life. anyway, he'd never conceal that from me.

yeah. i'm still not exactly sure what it is i'm doing, but at least i feel like i can kinda think on how to be proactive about it now. thanks everyone.

I used to get that type of attitude ten years ago when I was 19-21. I had lived on my own a few times and other people didn't know how to handle me.

1. I worked at an amusement park and lived in a set of dorms. I had a set of co-workers who were buddy-buddy with each other and even did things on the weekends. I would often get left out or have these people make excuses if I would try to join. It only when I finally called them out on their actions. They finally said that they wanted to invite me but their other friends said "No" because they didn't know how to handle me.

2. I lived in a city near my aunt and uncle and their two daughters. However, they were people who were overly protective of those girls. I ended up calling one of them the 'B' word once at a mall for ignoring them. They then came to the conclusion that I was a bad influence and that I would make a scene in front of their daughters after that and refused to invite me over.

This one is recent...
3. I worked with a co-worker who didn't know how to handle me. They also were not great communicators either. They would often tell me that they were going to come to something and never showed up. They would also make excuses that they left their phone at home or that they had bad reception.

You might want to also tell them that you have no intention of doing those things. Then mention that you sometimes feel very uncomfortable in new surroundings with new people and feel uncomfortable going around to mingle. Then tell them that you have trouble picking on certain social cues at different times.

You're just seeing their discomfort at their own decisions. Unfortunately, as much as you'd rather opt out of other people's psychodrama or their guilt over how they feel they treat you, you simply can't. I know you probably want to crack a sarcastic half smile like they're being loopy but this is really their feelings flooding out rather than necessarily being their read of your feelings.

My best advice - when you think a situation like that can arise; just try not to be there for it. I can guarantee you this as well; if it's NT to NT drama and there's an NT they don't want to bring along, the dialog and pain of the awkwardness wouldn't go any different.

well, that's true. good input, thanks. suppose this phenomenon may not solely extend to us AS folks. and they probably could have handled it better, too. not just me who handled things badly. i don't think i'd lose anything by avoiding this kind of situation altogether, honestly. still, i also feel i could work on what i'm inadvertantly communicating nonverbally, or at least keep an eye on it.

it's all about a balanced outlook, maybe.. not something i can totally say i have no hand in the cause, but then again not worth beating myself up over, either?

Rude and Inconsiderate, or otherwise unskilled communication is what it is. I recommend examining what type of people you like keeping company with and respect yourself enough to hold yourself and others to that standard. Take a good look at reality and be honest with yourself about where you are and are not complicit or responsible.

DeadOperaStar - My issues came into play at age 34, and I felt like I was 12 years old again having to backtrack and undo some bad habits I had learned. I understand that feeling greatly.

rarworlds - I couldn't have said that better. I have been re-analyzing the friends I keep and I can see the difference in maturity levels between people. I hated having to admit that to myself, as I was starting to get pretty attached to a certain group of people, but their overall social rules was something I couldn't keep up with. They would probably say I was the immature one, and at the time, I think I'd have to agree. Now I can see that trying to fit into their world was holding me back from being a mature person. I don't want to blame them, and I'm trying to be nice when I talk about them, but I definitely found that changing my social contacts has made a significant difference for me.