Are people bothered by your directness?

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I have the tendency to talk a person's ear off so I try to be brief and concise. I state exactly what I mean and ask a lot of direct questions. People are constantly reading extra meaning into any little thing I say or any question I ask. Do you have this problem?

How do you deal with it?

Last edited by unduki on 02 Feb 2012, 8:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

[Edit: Irrelevant now]

Last edited by Wonderful on 02 Feb 2012, 8:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wonderful - I edited that part out because it just confused the main issue. Thanks for pointing it out.

It depends. Some people find me to be tactless, but others appreciate my directness. Sometimes an extremely direct question/statement is just what the doctor ordered. For example, I have had people tell me that they were forced to confront some personal demons because I didn't avoid talking about an awkward issue when I was with them.

Also, sometimes I can really impress someone I'm interested in with my "confidence". In actuality, it's not confidence, it's just that I'm no good at flirting!

I also try to be concise because I despise inefficiency. I find that I'm frequently misunderstood (only now am I figuring out that my brain works very differently from others'). People close to me have commented on it & have called me insensitive. Sometimes I can tell when I offend others, but I truly lack the social grace to repair it & just end up digging myself deeper.

Now that I know I'm so different, I'm much more careful with my words. I find that I have to preface things with a description of my thought process. It seems to be helping so far.

I've felt the same as Declension, but it's pretty rare.
I relate much more to what quirkyandlaughing has said. That seems to be more common. Also, ditto on the being more careful now aspect.

They can be. I'm often the one getting laughed at because I completely missed some nuance in a conversation, and even after I realize this fact, I continue to trudge on diligently.

I also get snapped at a lot for treating sensitive topics with the subtlety of a traffic accident. It's not intentional - it just happens that way before I get a chance to stop and think.

Oh, I can so identify with you! In the military setting directness is great and it's what is expected, except when you deal with politicians and diplomats. In the civilian world, there are all sorts of quirks and turns that make socializing difficult to navigate. I've been struggling with AS for 47 years and was only recently diagnosed less than a month ago. Yes, I have this problem and am trying to obtain training in dealing with it. Let's face it: Neurotypicals and Aspies are like Humans and Vulcans. But I think that neurotypicals could use a little sensitivity training as well!

It depends. Some people in some situations appreciate it, other times it makes them mad.

Once, a friend was trying to ask for a favor but going about it in a round about way. I saw what she was trying to do and said "You want to ask me to give you a ride to T-town don't you, and you probably don't have any gas money. It's ok. I'll do it but you owe me" She was grateful that I saw what she was trying to do and she didn't have to go all over the place trying to word it in a polite way.

Sometimes people don't appreciate it. Especially when you pick up on some negative behavior that they are displaying and say it out loud. Case in point; I had gone to the middle school several years ago because my son had gotten in trouble. The principal, this big tall football player looking black guy came in, all scowling and mad and talking to me in a stern voice etc. I disagreed with him about something about my son and he stood up and was talking to me like I was a student and in trouble. He was trying to intimidate me into doing what he wanted. I said "Stop trying to intimidate me, it won't work." He got even madder, but eventually during the three years that my son was in 7th grade, we saw enough of each other where we became friends and there was mutual respect.

So, it's hard to tell. Sometimes people get offended if it's not what they want to hear. I have to try and think before I speak, although sometimes what someone doesn't want to hear is exactly what they need to hear.