Wanting while being repulsed by affection

Post Reply New Topic

I didn't know which category to put this in, but I figure this mostly applies to platonic feelings. Nevertheless, its a difficult thing to describe with words.

I find intimacy and affection uncomfortable and annoying. I don't know if it is a tactile thing or emotional thing, but I generally feel smothered when I'm touched by others. However, I also desire physical and emotional affection/intimacy.

I have never been abused or neglected. I have great friends and family who I trust and love dearly. I don't think I'm afraid of intimacy - I just find it uncomfortable, like wearing an itchy sweater.

What is all of this?

I think I have this problem too, and I would definitely be interested in any ideas to why this is. For example, I allow my mum to hug me, however I really can't stand anyone else doing it, espeically my dad.

I have a hugging hierarchy as well. I will hug my mum, but not my sister. Well, more like I would hug my mum less awkwardly than I hug my sister. I'm extremely affectionate towards dogs and I love recieving affection from them, but people are awkward for me.

I do want to be closer to others, both physically and emotionally, but its just really awkward. I don't really know why its so difficult.

I agree. I love animals and have no problem with displaying affection towards them. I think my issue with people, and the only issue I can figure out, is that I also find it awkward and difficult because I don't know how to appropriately ask for affection or display it. Usually when I require affection it isn't when other people might, for example at a funeral. It's always very random.

I can almost repeat the above by alanaargh as being my own experience. I also realize that I have gone years and years believing that I was a hypocrite for desiring or needing affection when I couldn't reciprocate or initiate. It's taken me almost nine years of marriage to figure some of this out and most of my affection towards him comes out in poking, patting him, rock back and forth in front of him while touch him in intervals, etc.

In terms of emotional closeness, I always want to have close relationships, but in practice I don't like having someone near me all the time and having to worry about what that person wants when I'd rather do my own thing. I can be rather selfish, and I guess I just want to be alone when I want to and socialize when I want to, on my own terms.

In terms of physical affection, it depends on the kind. I like being hugged, and being stroked comfortingly when I'm upset, but I don't like being randomly patted.