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Summer_Twilight
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07 Jul 2012, 12:11 am

I had recently had a falling out with a friend and cut the relationship loose for several reasons. One of them was because I did not click with my friend's parents and then our situation was one sided.

One of the situations was where their parents threw my friend a party because they turned a milestone. They invited most of their family and close friends of their parents. Yet, I was not invited last year even though I had managed to invite my friend to several things including two major trips out of town.

I had heard through the grapevine of another friend of mine who wants to stay in touch by e-mail and briefly touched on the party.

They wrote back to my friend and mention that the reason that we were not invited was because the party was 100 miles away from town and I also don't drive. However, there would have been another way to get there if they would have been considerate.

Do you think that was an excuse on the parent's behalf or am I just bitter?



Blixten
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07 Jul 2012, 3:20 am

I don't understand why your friends parents would be obligated to invite you at all, you were friends with their child, not with them. And since the party was far away, that is a normal reason to not invite someone, yes. I understand how not being invited somewhere can be hurtful (it's a terrible feeling being excluded) but you are not in any kind of relationship with them, only with their kid.

Also, what. You broke it off with someone partly because you didn't get along with his/hers parents? That's doesn't make a bit of sense to me. What do they have to do with your friendship, do you hang out with your friends parents a lot?



Summer_Twilight
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07 Jul 2012, 9:00 am

That was one of the reasons. However, the main reason I broke it off was because this friend had been struggling with depression and loneliness. Because of that, they developed some habits that involved calling me every night several times in a row on my both my cell and house phone every night. This calling went on for the 8 year longevity. They also most recently were able to text me and did so several times knowing that I had plans with others. I always got texts such as,"Where are you?" This was said multiple times. I had sent boundaries with them many times and they promised to follow through.

As for the parents, it's one of the reasons but the main one is above. The reason I got so bent out of shape over the party was because I had managed to invite them to several things. Two of them were a couple trips with another family member and I to Florida. Their parents just never seemed to invite me over for dinner where my friend lived in return for everything that I had done.



nick007
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07 Jul 2012, 9:41 pm

What difference does it make if it is an excuse or not? You ended the friendship because boundaries weren't being respected & your situation was one-sided.


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Summer_Twilight
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08 Jul 2012, 7:22 am

It bothers me because I felt used. I felt like they used my family member and I to take my friend down to Disney and also to basically get her off their backs for a week and get absolutely nothing in return,

Give me a break, if you can't manage to invite someone who is that important to your daughter due to distance with an hour and a half away, even after embarking with them on a 16 hour drive trip then there is a problem. Not to mention, after our second trip, her parents pulled a little stunt of going out to dinner right as we were getting back into town and leaving my friend to stay with me for an hour and a half longer. My family member and I had other plans that got shattered because of their choices.

It just wasn't respected from all angles of the relationship and not being invited back ever was one of those reasons why I got sick of it.



League_Girl
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08 Jul 2012, 12:22 pm

I don't even see the point in inviting someone if I know they can't make it. My aspie friend had to pull teeth with me to send him a wedding invitation when I was getting married. He told me it would mean so much to him if I sent him one and I told him why would he want one if he can't even make it? He said because it would mean a lot to him as a friend even if he can't make it. I sent him one anyway even if it didn't make sense and he was so happy when he got it because it told him he meant that much to me.


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MightyMorphin
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08 Jul 2012, 2:24 pm

OK, the parents thing doesn't even need to be mentioned here. Your friendship is between you and your friend.
You only need to use the reason that your boundaries weren't respected. Simple. That's all there is to it.



Summer_Twilight
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08 Jul 2012, 4:36 pm

I do somewhat agree that I had no real relationship with her parents. However, something inside tells me that although they disliked me, they knew that my friend didn't have several other outlets to meet other people her age and lives with her parents right now and has a more severe case of Autism in addition to other issues. So I just basically used me to a get them off her back for a while b. So she could socialize with other people since she didn't have anyone else even if they didn't like me.

What made me mad was that I seemed to invite her to lots of things and she came to most of them. However, not once was I invited over to their house for any dinner parties or anything. Yet, everyone else seemed to be so much more important and that is why I was so frazzled.



MightyMorphin
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08 Jul 2012, 5:42 pm

Here's the big difference, YOU invited your friend personally. Clearly her parents are in charge of who and who should not come to their house, so it's up to them whether to invite you or not. She probably wanted to invite you, but had no control over that. SHE didn't invite you because she couldn't.

Again, you don't have a relationship with your parents, and you are beginning to sound like you're making an excuse using the parent thing.



JanuaryMan
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08 Jul 2012, 5:51 pm

Their parents have the say, it's their house. Not really down to your friend.
Sounds like you felt rejected (hey so would I!) and this is reason alone to end the friendship.

I think the easy way to sort this out is not invite them to anything and don't do anything for them hoping for something in return. Just do things for them as a friend. If your actual friend starts making you feel rejected then maybe make new ones.



Summer_Twilight
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08 Jul 2012, 7:00 pm

There are other reasons why I let the friendship go. In fact, I put another post on the on here a few days ago as to why I ended the friendship. That post is calling, "Cutting a friend loose." As for the parents situation,

MM- I see your point about making the excuse. I am just really upset at the moment at the whole situation

I have also agreed that it was not up to my friend to have me over and that is because she is under her parents thumb all the time. However, her parents are strange cookies anyway.



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28 Jul 2012, 1:38 pm

I was friends with a woman for 13 years, and we were a bit like family to each other because we were living in a country where we had almost no family. When she had no family to spend the holiday eve with, she was of course invited to spend it with me and my family. No doubt about that. We were very close.

One day, after 13 years of friendship, she calls me to tell me not to call her for 30 days because her extended family were having a memorable, once-in-a-lifetime family reunion in this country, coming from all over the world, and they would have several celebrations, many meetings and parties during the whole month, several would be living with her, etc. so she would have no time for me. I respected her decision to see me as a disturbance to her family life instead of as part of her family after 13 years of loyalty like family from my side. Very respectfully, I sent her to f*** hell and never talked to her again. I should not only have been invited to all celebrations and parties, but I should've been guest of honor for providing her with the family she didn't have near her for 13 years. At the very least, I shouldn't have been "sent on leave" for 30 days because she did have family near her during those days and so didn't need me.

You can find users extremely easily in the world, you don't need to stick with one of them. If her parents didn't invite you, it's HER fault, because she failed to convey to them how important you are in her life and how much she wants you to be with her at the party. So each night she needs you terribly, can't go without you even if you're busy, but when she has a party she can do without you, eh?


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