Are men generally more friendlier than women?

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Joe90
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06 Feb 2012, 9:31 am

I don't mean all, but mostly it seems this way. Yesterday I was walking with my mum and her brother, and each time we passed a man of any age, they said hello to my mum or her brother, even though they didn't know them. (Nobody says hello to me because I keep my head down and fail to make eye contact with strangers in the street). But every woman who passed didn't smile or say hello or anything, just glared at us or didn't look at all. My uncle said that more men say hello to him than don't, and more women don't say hello to him, and it's the same with my mum, so it's got nothing to do with what gender you are - it just seems that men are more likely to be friendly and say hello to you as they pass than women are. Again, it's not necessarily all the women or all the men, but mostly it seems to be. I'm not sure if it's like this in other countries, or if it's just a British male thing.

If it is true, it's weird because I thought women had more of a social trait in them than men do in general, but it turns out that men are more friendlier than women. Perhaps men are less quick at recognising body language with other people and so just see a person coming and think, ''oh I will say hello whoever he/she is'', whereas a woman will come along and think, ''not saying hello to them - I don't know them''.

Has anyone else experienced this?


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06 Feb 2012, 9:59 am

It's not that men are more friendly, it's that men are more straightforward. Men are going to be more likely to come out and say hello right out of the woodwork. It's sort of like how some cars have good acceleration but not as fast of a top speed. It might be somewhat of a British male thing as you mentioned. Black men around where I am will do that, and I rarely see white guys say hi to everybody. Why that is, I'm not sure, but I have noticed. In any case, as I said, men are more straightforward.



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06 Feb 2012, 10:39 am

If you are an overly friendly woman OR a very passive woman you can become a victim. I have always been told to keep your head up, confident, and look past people when out in public.



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06 Feb 2012, 10:58 am

I disagree on the idea that men are more straightforward. They can mess you about just as much as women can.



1000Knives
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06 Feb 2012, 11:16 am

I'd say overall you're like, right. It's more that women societally for a long time were expected to be quiet and reserved, so there's that. But I think it's more that women usually have much more issues with anxiety and whatnot compared to males, and it's more OK for them societally, as in, they're "allowed" to. Males on the other hand, are expected to be strong and outgoing, and usually those traits come with being outgoing enough to be friendly with random strangers on the street.

To add, too, men overall have much less to fear in public. The obvious example is rape, but not even rape itself is what I'm talking about, women just get victimized a bit easier. One example would be, just meeting a guy who wants to have a romantic relationship with you, and he like, beats you or something. Stuff like that. Obviously, we don't have it perfect and wonderful as guys, and we'll meet crazy women, I mean it's another can of worms entirely being a guy, but that's my point. Women too, even just for nonsexual crimes, like robbery, are weaker to defend themselves. A muscular guy with good posture and a "don't f**k with me" look on his face has a significantly less chance of getting robbed compared to a like 5'2 woman that weighs like 100 pounds. And going further with that, robbery is an extreme example, but even just in a store setting. Like buying a car. You get treated entirely different as a woman, and most dealers take advantage of the inherent (I don't mean to offend, but it's true, women are physically weaker than men, I mean there's obviously strong women, but I digress) weakness of women, and this'll happen across the board in business deals. So again, to put it shortly, women generally have to be more defensive ALL the time.



Last edited by 1000Knives on 06 Feb 2012, 11:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

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06 Feb 2012, 11:16 am

Friendliness is a complicated concept. There's more to it than saying hello to people in the street.



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06 Feb 2012, 11:49 am

1000Knives wrote:
I'd say overall you're like, right. It's more that women societally for a long time were expected to be quiet and reserved, so there's that. But I think it's more that women usually have much more issues with anxiety and whatnot compared to males, and it's more OK for them societally, as in, they're "allowed" to. Males on the other hand, are expected to be strong and outgoing, and usually those traits come with being outgoing enough to be friendly with random strangers on the street.

To add, too, men overall have much less to fear in public. The obvious example is rape, but not even rape itself is what I'm talking about, women just get victimized a bit easier. One example would be, just meeting a guy who wants to have a romantic relationship with you, and he like, beats you or something. Stuff like that. Obviously, we don't have it perfect and wonderful as guys, and we'll meet crazy women, I mean it's another can of worms entirely being a guy, but that's my point. Women too, even just for nonsexual crimes, like robbery, are weaker to defend themselves. A muscular guy with good posture and a "don't f**k with me" look on his face has a significantly less chance of getting robbed compared to a like 5'2 woman that weighs like 100 pounds. And going further with that, robbery is an extreme example, but even just in a store setting. Like buying a car. You get treated entirely different as a woman, and most dealers take advantage of the inherent (I don't mean to offend, but it's true, women are physically weaker than men, I mean there's obviously strong women, but I digress) weakness of women, and this'll happen across the board in business deals. So again, to put it shortly, women generally have to be more defensive ALL the time.


^Exactly this. I hate having to be so distrusting and defensive, but it's so people don't take advantage. Even then, they still do.



Joe90
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06 Feb 2012, 1:16 pm

I don't say hello to people I pass in the street because I have Social Anxiety, but I do respond if they say hello to me. But if I was more confident and perhaps not an Aspie, I will probably say hello to people as they pass. Why not?


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06 Feb 2012, 1:50 pm

1000Knives wrote:
I'd say overall you're like, right. It's more that women societally for a long time were expected to be quiet and reserved, so there's that. But I think it's more that women usually have much more issues with anxiety and whatnot compared to males, and it's more OK for them societally, as in, they're "allowed" to. Males on the other hand, are expected to be strong and outgoing, and usually those traits come with being outgoing enough to be friendly with random strangers on the street.

To add, too, men overall have much less to fear in public. The obvious example is rape, but not even rape itself is what I'm talking about, women just get victimized a bit easier. One example would be, just meeting a guy who wants to have a romantic relationship with you, and he like, beats you or something. Stuff like that. Obviously, we don't have it perfect and wonderful as guys, and we'll meet crazy women, I mean it's another can of worms entirely being a guy, but that's my point. Women too, even just for nonsexual crimes, like robbery, are weaker to defend themselves. A muscular guy with good posture and a "don't f**k with me" look on his face has a significantly less chance of getting robbed compared to a like 5'2 woman that weighs like 100 pounds. And going further with that, robbery is an extreme example, but even just in a store setting. Like buying a car. You get treated entirely different as a woman, and most dealers take advantage of the inherent (I don't mean to offend, but it's true, women are physically weaker than men, I mean there's obviously strong women, but I digress) weakness of women, and this'll happen across the board in business deals. So again, to put it shortly, women generally have to be more defensive ALL the time.


This is the general perception so it likely influences peoples behavior in the way you suggested, however men are actually more likely to be the victims of violent crime.

US stats

UK stats

Either way, it hasn't been my experience that men are friendlier. While men may be more likely to say "hi," I've found that, if I'm the one initiating some sort of contact, women are more likely to stop what they're doing and have a conversation.


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Last edited by mds_02 on 06 Feb 2012, 6:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

1000Knives
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06 Feb 2012, 2:08 pm

mds_02 wrote:
1000Knives wrote:
I'd say overall you're like, right. It's more that women societally for a long time were expected to be quiet and reserved, so there's that. But I think it's more that women usually have much more issues with anxiety and whatnot compared to males, and it's more OK for them societally, as in, they're "allowed" to. Males on the other hand, are expected to be strong and outgoing, and usually those traits come with being outgoing enough to be friendly with random strangers on the street.

To add, too, men overall have much less to fear in public. The obvious example is rape, but not even rape itself is what I'm talking about, women just get victimized a bit easier. One example would be, just meeting a guy who wants to have a romantic relationship with you, and he like, beats you or something. Stuff like that. Obviously, we don't have it perfect and wonderful as guys, and we'll meet crazy women, I mean it's another can of worms entirely being a guy, but that's my point. Women too, even just for nonsexual crimes, like robbery, are weaker to defend themselves. A muscular guy with good posture and a "don't f**k with me" look on his face has a significantly less chance of getting robbed compared to a like 5'2 woman that weighs like 100 pounds. And going further with that, robbery is an extreme example, but even just in a store setting. Like buying a car. You get treated entirely different as a woman, and most dealers take advantage of the inherent (I don't mean to offend, but it's true, women are physically weaker than men, I mean there's obviously strong women, but I digress) weakness of women, and this'll happen across the board in business deals. So again, to put it shortly, women generally have to be more defensive ALL the time.


This is the general perception so it likely influences peoples behavior in the way you suggested, however men are actually more likely to be the victims of violent crime.

US stats

UK stats

Either way, it hasn't been my experience that men are friendlier. While men may be more likely to say "hi," I've found that, if I'm the one initiating some sort is contact, women are more likely to stop what they're doing and have a conversation.


It depends on the stats, for example, how many victims of violent crime were like, rival gangs, drug dealing, or simply just fights over stuff? What I mean is, women are more likely to be victims of unprovoked violent crime.



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06 Feb 2012, 2:34 pm

So, in other words, when men are attacked they are asking for it.

Wow.

Couldn't find any stats describing what you're asking about. All I have to go by are the links I posted.

Also, ignoring the issue of rival gangs or drug dealers (which I suspect don't make up a large percentage of the crimes referenced in those studies, as these types of crimes are very rarely reported), only when a man is attacked is it called just a fight.

Either way, I can back up what I've said with actual reports from law enforcement agencies. All you have to go by is your perception (and I'll grant that it's the same one most people have shoved down their throats by the media, and society in general) that women are all poor little victims, at the mercy of the horrible male brutes surrounding them.

Anyway, I think this is going too far beyond the intent of this thread.


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justalouise
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07 Feb 2012, 5:43 am

Men might be actually attacked more often, but I'll bet that they're not subjected to even 1/10th of the unwanted sexual attention (and that is probably a very modest estimate on my part). I smile at people if I'm feeling especially social but it really sucks how simply having a friendly expression on my face has led to aggressive, persistent come-ons from total strangers.



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07 Feb 2012, 7:52 pm

justalouise wrote:
Men might be actually attacked more often, but I'll bet that they're not subjected to even 1/10th of the unwanted sexual attention (and that is probably a very modest estimate on my part). I smile at people if I'm feeling especially social but it really sucks how simply having a friendly expression on my face has led to aggressive, persistent come-ons from total strangers.


There are also the type of people where it's not quite clear whether or not they are hitting on you, and in some cases they aren't quite sure either. Some people might remind you of someone who hit on you another time, and then the question is "Are they gonna hit on me in a few minutes?" Then there are people watching who might come over and take a chance on the cute outgoing girl who likes everybody. Then there are the...ok I'll stop now. Maybe I'm totally wrong, but that's how I perceive it.



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08 Feb 2012, 11:34 am

In regards to the original question I don't think that men are friendlier than women. I think it's pretty much even in that sense. I do however think it depends on where you live. Take England for example, it is frequently said that people are friendlier "up North". From personal experience I do agree with this.

This thread went a little off-topic haha. I think someone here said that when men are attacked it's just called a fight? There are plenty of times when a guy is attacked unprovoked to be either mugged or just beaten up. I know people this has happened to where I'm from. In fact in general in my area boys and guys are more likely to be mugged or beaten up than a girl. I don't think women are more likely to be victims of unprovoked violent crime, though sexual violence is a different matter.


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08 Feb 2012, 3:11 pm

[quote="justalouise" I smile at people if I'm feeling especially social but it really sucks how simply having a friendly expression on my face has led to aggressive, persistent come-ons from total strangers.[/quote]

When I think I'm being friendly, people think I'm flirting with them. I've tried to moderate myself in that regard, but now I don't think I really care anymore.



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08 Feb 2012, 6:45 pm

It could have something to do with the culture they've adapted to rather than their gender. When in a big city, or a large open space with a lot of people, I don't expect anyone to greet me and I won't make any effort to do that for them. Now, I live in a somewhat quiet town, and people usually greet me and I greet them. However, those who moved here from Rotterdam, which is next door, are often very hesitant to greet anyone, as their mindset is usually still very much urban. Three houses away from me lives a couple I've only seen once.

What I find interesting, though, is how people sometimes spontaneously talk to me and my friends in public. A few months ago, we were on a train, and we were talking about American foreign policy (now, that might have asked for a response as it was a random Dutch train). Suddenly, a well-dressed Arab or Persian man emerged from the seats behind us and started talking to us about how Al Qaeda did not exist and how everything terrorism-related was actually a false-flag operation by the CIA. That was his message, and we were discussing a somewhat related subject.

Long story short, though, greeting and spontaneously starting a discussion seems to me to have to do more with their culture, mindset, location and relevant interests.