Don't Think Too Much During The Actual Social Situation

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I've come to the conclusion that thinking too much during the social situation can cause problems socializing.

It's fine to reflect on successes and failures in social interaction afterwards(try not to be a pessimist when you do this), but if you try to think it out during the situation it slows you down, and will likely lead to mistakes anyways.

Some things just can't be learned by actively thinking it through.

The only way to learn how to socialize better is to turn the mind off while you socialize.

I dont agree after making so many social mistakes and becoming a butt of joke
i prefer thinking, evaluating and calculating before doing social things

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Last edited by nat4200 on 21 Apr 2012, 1:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

I lean towards the not thinking too hard during a social situation. If I think too hard, it will impede the social situation. But then still having some social filter consciously up therefore I dont say or do anything inappropriete.

If I stop thinking I wander distractedly off to the library.

Overthinking has long been my problem in social situations. People just do not like to wait while you stutter through a response. I figured out a way in my final year of high school. I just go with the flow and say what ever seems best. The only problem with this is that I am rubbish at remembering phone messages.

^ People seem to be really impatient with things like that. I used to have a lot of trouble expressing myself and finding the right words for something, and instead of people giving me time to chime into a conversation or say what I need to say, they would ignore me and switch to something else because I wasn't quick enough. It hurts.

I had to push myself to come up with things faster, and to this day, I still do. Yes, I've improved, but the cost is a high amount of stress and frequent mind-farts where I forget what I have to say. Sadly, I feel like pushing myself is the only way that I can make people listen to me.

today a colleague walked in and kept asking anyone has a mobile i was too confused to react
one other colleague quickly removed her mobile and gave a ring on this earlier colleagues number
the idea was that the first colleague had misplaced his mobile and he wanted someone to call him up
so that he could trace the mobile........
now i was confused and couldnt connect the dots...........lol but the other colleague understood and she quickly reacted.
i did feel embrassed later.........see how slow i am in understanding things
and people generally avoid me because of this nonsense

I can't drink every time I interact....

Usually, I'm amazed by my own automatic responses.
When I'm in a social situation, I usually don't even control my own words. I just talk in 'automatic mode'.
That way, social situations seem over much sooner, and apparently, people think my responses are fine even if I don't even remember them.

Hmm. Your post does ring clear but however not quite clearly as it should. Some times there just is no right or wrong to socialize with anybody in our community. So that won't stop anyone whom are trying to learn from past mistakes let alone which people they need to avoid at all cost.

I agree about the over-thinking part. Sure, you can be aware of what you're saying and stuff but if you over-analyze your social skills too much you'll make yourself go crazy. It always happens to me because I'm such an introvert, I basically live in my head. Even if I try not to over think things, I become obsessed with trying not to over think things and it just makes everything worse. The best thing for me to do, is chug down a few gulps of booze and just walk in and start socializing as best as I can right away so it just comes naturally instead of waiting around until I feel comfortable enough.

This is essential. NTs dont think about it. Just go with the flow adn be polite, thats as good as at it can basically go.

i think maybe some Aspie's, if they stop systemising (thinking hard and analysing in a social situation), find their mirror neuron (NT) functionality does turn on, so they 'feel' things to say, but for others if they stop thinking there is just.... nothing.....
see http://unlearningasperger.blogspot.co.uk/

That's so true. If I psyche myself out while I'm eating and I get nervous, all I think about is me and if I'm doing everything right and then I kind of drift off into my own world and go through a tremendous amount of anxiety. Even trying to calm the anxiety just worsens it. The same goes in any social situation. You just have to go in there with a clear mind and tell yourself that you're happy and ready to face anything.

oops haha didn't even realize I posted before

Last edited by lostgirl1986 on 16 Apr 2012, 10:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

For me, this is kind of a contradiction. Going with the flow would mean I wouldn't need any filters, but that would mean most of the things I say could be considered impolite. On the flip side, if I want to be polite, I'd have the filter what I want to say, which is in essence not going with the flow.