How to tell if someone wants to be your friend?

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I have a lot of trouble making friends. Recently, a co-worker (whom I happen to have a crush on) has been approaching me a lot at work and standing near me, etc. For a while it seemed that we were becoming friends (we have a lot in common and have admittedly slow but ultimately good conversations), but now I'm not so sure. Several times he encouraged me to come to office parties (which I was super hesitant to do for obvious social difficulty reasons), but when I finally did he spent most of the evening speaking to other people. We only work together once a week, and the last time we did we only exchanged a few words. I feel like if he was at all interested in becoming friends, he would ask for my number or something.

How to you tell when someone is interested in becoming friends with you? Similarly, how do you tell when someone is NOT interested in making friends? I have very little experience with this and don't know how to proceed or how to tell when I should back off.

This is a hard question. Even though I have friends and feel confident that I'm able to make friends; being confronted with this direct question, I realize that I can't say exactly how to tell when someone wants to be friends with me. I can tell when we are friends; but I'm less sure of the other individual's inclinations on the road to becoming friends.

I start with my own feelings. If I'm drawn to a particular individual, then I'm likely to spend more time chatting with them. If they are tolerant of my chat but never seek it, then the relationship goes toward a neutral acquaintance. If seeking extra chat is mutual, the relationship may become a friendship depending on how much time each of us willing to spend together. I'm spelling it out here, but the process tends to flow along without much analysis on anyone's part.

Having a crush on your colleague complicates the friendship process. You are yearning for something slightly other than simple friendship and he may be able to sense that. This may or may not work to your satisfaction..

Everything in life is mutable, including relationships. My advise is to acknowledge the mutability in relationships in general, first. Be friendly in general, but when he is distant, allow that without judgement of yourself or him. When he is engaging and warm, bask in that. Maintain your own center.


Uh, not so much. Men don't typically seek out female co-workers for friendship outside the workplace. If he asks for your personal contact information it would likely be for dating purposes. Male/female friendships develop within the workplace all the time. Sometimes those friendships flow into lunches out together or dinner/drinks after work. But if he wants to call you during off-work hours, he is likely seeking to date you, unless the two of you have already spent time together outside the office lunching/dining/traveling together to off-site work functions. (I'm not stating this as a rule, but rather as an observation of how it seems to go in general.)