I think this is rude...do you?

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I met this Japanese woman on facebook and got her number and we talked for about ten minutes. She sounded frielndly and genuinely interested in meeting me. Then she told me that she had to go shopping with a friend and would call me back when she finished with shopping. She never called me back. I sent her a text asking if she was finished shopping and if we could talk. No reply. I didn't text her again until the next day in the afternoon. No reply. I didn't say anything that would have made her uncomfortable, so I really don't understand how (even for fear of safety) a person can be so rude. Do some people think that is is ok to flake, ignore and lie to people...especially if they are strangers? It pisses me off so much. I think it is my pet peeve and a lot of women I meet seem to feel no guilt whatsoever for this rude behavior.

It's really rude, but I've found that it's pretty common to blow somebody off like that if you will never see them again. I seem to hear of it happening more and more and people seem to think that it's ok to do it. I guess when it's done by the majority of the population or at least accepted as the norm, then it will stop being thought of as rude.

That just made me wonder something. Is there anything that is absolutely rude, no matter where it's done? I think so, but some things that I would consider very rude to do in any situation are polite in other cultures. Is rudeness just a cultural concept?

how long has it been since you texted her?

why is this in genral autism discussion? wouldnt it do better somwhere else?

It is done because of what can blow up in your face, if you do it another way. Might just need to actually phone her, maybe its not her phone number.

( She still talking to you on FB? )

Maybe the woman you were talking to wasn't a woman at all, but a 55-year old guy who lives in his parents basement who never bathes, weighs 400 lbs and wears only women's undergarments! No seriously, you just can't trust the person on the other side of the screen, they could be a very bad individual and I could never just go to meet them in person.

This happened to me with a girl at school. She asked me to sit with her and her friends at lunch, I show up, she completely ignores me while her friends listen to her and stare awkwardly at me...

I can't stand people like that.

What is the significance of the fact that she is Japanese?

Well because if you do some research on Japanese culture, you will notice that they flake on each other ALL THE TIME. It is a social norm there and it is not considered rude I guess because everyone does it so often. I have been to Japan two times and I have traveled all over the country and met all kinds of people there. I have noticed that out of all the nations I have been to...the Japanese are by far the worst when it comes to this. It is frustrating because I am facinated by the Japanese culture, (along with other cultures as well) but this is part of their culture that is absolutely annoying and tough to get used to. Flaking is to Japan as AIDS is to Africa. Yeah it is that rampant. Sorry for the distasteful analogy, but I am just a little bitter.

You seem to make threads about this kind of thing pretty often. I think you are taking the internet too seriously.

Think about why you are trying to contact women on websites. Is it because it is easier for you than meeting women in a real world environment?

Why is it easier? Because it is just words on a screen? It is not as serious? There will be no negative consequences in your life if you screw up online?

Well, these women probably view things in the same way. They do not have to worry about things going wrong, and neither should you, they have no obligation to keep in contact, and neither do you. You should remember that. That is why you are there in the first place.

If you want to deal with people who are obligated to give you a little respect and take you somewhat seriously, you probably need to take the risk of meeting real people, in real places, rather than approaching random girls on the internet.

Moved from General Autism Discussion to Social Skills and Making Friends.

I agree that it is rude. If there was a lack of interest in communicating she should not have mislead you in the first place. I don't see the point really. Having said that, it might be her version of being polite. Some people, like me...and like you, evidently, value honesty. Some tend to view these little lies as a way of "cushioning the fall", as it were. Perhaps she thought she wanted interaction, but then she changed her mind and was afraid or unsure of how to communicate it. Granted, she should have been forthcoming with that information.

Where do you keep finding these wrecks?

I'm Japanese. What you said is not true.

thank you for sharing this perspective. it helps to hear from someone who actually knows firsthand.