Excuses and Passive Agression

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I am am sick of always being told i am either making excuses by one person or being passive agressive by another.

I really do not see how i am both. I had to look up what passive agression really was, and I do not do it, though i an percieved to do so.

Is there anyway to talk to people when in an arguement and not to seem passive agressive?
This usually happends when im keeping a cool head in an arguement, and im not getting angry, and people accuse me of being angry or something. I then say im not angry and i have no reason to be, or i will say why the situation does not make me angry and in this i seem to be making excuses for myself of to why i am not being angry.

Really whats the point, why should I be angry? even if ive had teh problem and started the arguement, why should I be "angry" with the person i started the arguement with? just cause my views disagreen with theirs, and how is it by stating my views, on the situation doe this become an excuse?

Example(s) is not real just a senario.
for example: Issue (best friend didnt show to an event that they were invited to) and i ask why, this forms into an arguement.

On the other hand they may ask why i did not attend their event; and i would reply with something to me is truthful such as I was sick, or busy. But instead of accepting this fact they say I am being passive agressive, and making excuses, because they didnt come to my advent when really the case is i really was sick/busy.

I'm going to use the example you gave. Do you know why your friends don't show up? They might be sick or busy too. If that's the case, then try to be okay with them not going. You have a reason to be upset, but then they have a reason to be mad at you for doing the same thing. It's only fair. Plus, neurotypicals sometimes lie about the reasons why they couldn't make it to something. They don't always want to tell people why they can't make it, especially if it's something really personal (e.g. they got hives all over their body and it's embarrassing to be seen in public). Are the same friends who you get mad at, getting mad at you?

Anyways, it's not an excuse if you can't go. Give them your apologies and say that you should hang out another time. It shows them that you still care, and that you feel bad you aren't able to make it, but you still want to be their friend and hang out.