Passing people in the street

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When I'm walking down the street and someone comes along in the other direction, I never know where to look. I don't know if I'm supposed to look at the other person, or look away, or straight ahead, or down at the ground. I know I always get it wrong, because people often mutter under their breath at me or start whistling when they pass me. I've tried asking my parents about this but as it comes so naturally to them they aren't consciously aware of what they do in that situation. I was wondering if any other aspies have had this problem, and if anyone knows where to look when you pass someone coming the other way.

I am in my fifties and I have still have this problem - even passing people I know in the hallways at work, I tense up and look away. I can't make eye contact in these sudden encounters. It is too stressful.

I also find that when friends I know really well are lining up at a doorway to hug or kiss the host goodnight (eg after the occasional evening get-together), I have no idea how they know when to lurch forward and hug one another. These spontaneous expressions of social affection are a mystery to me. I am like a block of wood on such occasions. I have no idea how they do it.

What is the context?

In the middle of the bush?, street corner?, school corridor?

I have the same issue. I usually don't make eye contact until I'm a few feet away( conversational distance), then I will make eye contact, smile and say hello. People just don't like it if you don't acknowledge them, so even a brief nod will put them more at ease.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this issue. I know that when you pass someone you know, for example in the corridor at work, you should smile and say hello, although I don't always manage to because it's too stressful. My other issue is that when I see someone I've already said hello to earlier in the day, saying hello again wouldn't be appropriate, so I don't know whether to acknowledge them in some way or look away. Also passing a stranger in the street, it would be inappropriate to say hello, so I don't know whether I am supposed to look at them or not.

There is a great scene in the movie Crocodile Dundee where he is walking down the street in Manhattan, tipping his hat and saying "G'day" to each one of the millions of people he passes!

I know that doesn't really answer your question, except maybe to point out that the norms of acceptable behavior depend on the culture and context. A small town will have different social expectations than a big city, for example.

It's supposedly about eye contact and they look whichever way they are going to go meaning you should pass on the other side. Yet even that is limited advice because perhaps:

a) they make you play chicken with them, barging right towards you in a straight line, with their eye contact similarly straight ahead and not indicating left or right

b) they are walking eyes glued to their phone, occasionally causing them to walk into you even though you try to avoid a collision

c) they walk for example four abreast when the pavement is four people wide, and refuse to make room

Even with the usual eye contact advice, then, it gets kinda impossible.

I've noticed that strangers are more likely to say hello when I'm walking in the countryside than when I'm in London.


I wonder if I inadvertently do this, as I often look straight ahead or down at the ground and often end up getting into those embarrassing situations where neither person knows which way to go and we nearly walk into each other. It's never occurred to me to check where the other person is looking, but then as I've never known if it's ok to look at people I would feel uncomfortable looking into their face.

In olden times there was a very strict social protocol, for example when a lady passed you in the street, you must tip your cap and say "good day." Now we are basically living like barbarians and the old rules of etiquette have been shattered, it is a confusing time to be AS. I think a lot of us would have done very well in feudal times when society was very structured and you were told exactly what to do and be from birth to death.

For example "You should remove your hat because it's the polite thing to do" doesn't make much since to me, I am likely to forget to do it, because it just doesn't seem like a good enough reason. "Remove your hat or the King will cut off your head," now THAT's a good reason!

Last edited by mushroo on 03 Apr 2012, 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Exactly and the result of Dundee getting it "wrong" for New York was lots of people felt nice because a stranger had smiled at them in their cold city life. Dundee was the loveable maverick hero.

You should look wherever you like, its your world. You should be kind enough to care that you don't barge into people, dont knock fragile old ladies over, and be ready to help a mum struggling with a pram. Otherwise do whatever you want whether its "appropriate" or not.

People are going to be lifted by a smile, if its genuine. Use it as a default as often as you can enjoy doing it (but maybe it stresses you). If getting a situation "wrong" means people misunderstand you as being rude, thats a shame, but if getting a situation "wrong" means you look me in the eye and you are the smiley friendly person, that would just warm me to you.

Yep I have trouble with this as well.

Well I live in a small town. I usually just say hello quietly and they will say hello back. If it's a big city obviously I don't say hi to everybody I pass.

I just amble along looking where ever I would be looking if that person wasn't there. I don't stare at them, but if I should happen to make eye contact by chance and they smile, I'll just smile back. If I happen to make eye contact and they don't smile or look away, I just carry on looking around at whatever I would be looking at if they weren't there.

I just say "excuse me"

I always look down

I take my cell phone out of my pocket and act as if I am texting to avoid eye contact or looking down if I am feeling anxious. If I am okay I just keep on walking without acknowledging them unless they try to talk to me.