stress reaction to conflict

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I hate conflict and always have. If people start raising their voices and getting aggressive I try to physically remove myself from the situation. Even if there's an argument on a tv show I have to turn it off or press mute (unless others are watching it then I have to leave). The aggression I sense in conflict makes my nervous system feel like its on over-drive and I feel really stressed and like my body and mind are just going to shut down.

All my life my strong feelings to avoid conflict have left me unable to be assertive. I either appease people or avoid them. It has gotten me into dangerous situations in the past and I can see its going to hugely ret*d my career progression. When I am qualified and certified in my field I'll be expected to supervise other people but other people always ignore instructions from me. If I can't learn to approach them and assert myself no one will want to employ me.

I think I should be able to learn to become assertive eventually if I can get some money together and spend time with a psych but I doubt I'll ever get past that nerve overdrive panicky feeling I get with conflict.

Just wanting to know do others here get that physical reaction to conflict as well? And if so, have you learned a way to manage it? I have to start standing up for myself - if nothing else I need to protect myself from dangerous situations. I just hope there's a way.

I have Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD). I don't go out to social gatherings because I feel - and I'm usually right - that somebody's gonna start spewing out negative (& irrelevant) statements. It will just make me back away or disappear from joining in the conversation. I'm as passive as they come. If I'm with somebody can I just get a whiff of a negative/confrontational statement coming from them I disappear. I'm like you. Generally I just agree with somebody so I can be let off the hook to find some peace. I used to do a job for years which I obviously did poorly because of AvPD. I was usually in charge and was required to discipline those below me. Very very difficult for someone like me to do.

I'm between jobs now and, because I'm not in a position to go back to school to learn a new trade, I'm basically stuck in the old jobs I've had. How will I handle it? I don't even know. I do plan to be up front with my prospective employer and tell them I have confrontational issues. Chances are I won't be hired so then I'd have to look for a job which isolates me or presents me with as little contact with people as possible (book work, medical records, etc). Or I can bite the bullet, tell them I'm the best supervisor on earth, get hired and do what I've always done - relegate responsibility to someone else. I guess it's gotten me this far.

Yes. I grew up hating conflict, not wanting to be around guns or other weapons, avoiding drama of any sort, and just hanging out in the shadows when things erupted. I didn't like much touch, didn't know how to deal with a physical altercation if it came about (although I could stand up for myself quite strongly in some situations), and I still get antagonized by verbal/written situations sometimes.

My solution - I am currently enrolled in a self-defense class based on WWII hand-to-hand combatives. I really recommend finding some sort of self-defense training that can help build your self-esteem and teach you how to mentally not be afraid. Aggression is the wrong term to use, especially if you are already timid. What you are looking for is confidence and self-assurance.

Here's an example of a younger child and the difference it can make.