Have you ever felt that you had to make yourself likable?

Post Reply New Topic

Are you the kind of person who, despite any eccentricities you may have, people naturally flock to and like (even though you may want to limit human contact and don't particularly want a lot of social interaction), or, are you the sort of person who, despite trying, just can't seem to get liked very easily?

Personally I've always struggled with figuring out why I have such a challenge showing the aspects of my personality that I feel people would naturally respect me for... When I was in school, I was never "cool" and in fact never aspired to be. It's never been about being cool, but being genuine. But, it seems to me at least, that if you're too polite and considerate and don't like making a "big impact", you will be passed by more often than not. People seem to love the daredevils, those who say a lot of things they don't mean just to get a rise out of others, and those who know how to entertain others. With my Aspie mind, none of this has ever made any sense to me and I've spent most of my life so far like the guy in my avatar - locked in a bubble, trying to reason it all out. Without success.

Admittedly, I am myself and what you see is what you get, and I prefer to philosophize than to make people laugh. It seems to be a problem, even though rationally I don't know why it should be. Crazy times we live in, maybe?

I think I probably needed an in-between poll option, however I selected the second option as it is closest to how I feel. People seem to like me, but I feel I have to make an effort and I'm constantly trying to improve my personality. Perhaps in some ways this is a good thing, but it can become quite tiring over time.

It can be quite tiring for me at times, too. I feel like my facade is different than what I'm thinking, and so by the end of the day, I'm crabby and need to unwind. Additionally, I barely ever talk about my true passions with others as I know they'll be bored. Furthermore, I steer away from learning more about things that interest me because I rarely can share this interest with others. To me, it seems illogical to concentrate something people would make fun of me for and not comprehend why I would spend time learning about it. I'm stuck in a rut and in turn end up doing nothing. It may have to do with being a girl and the desire to fit in...

Not really though sometimes I feel like I should try and make myself unlikable to get away from people...

LOL

It's a shame that you steer away from learning things you are interested in because you don't think anyone would be interested. I like learning about my interests just for my own sake, and one day I may meet someone who is interested. The internet is a good place for seeking out people who are interested in the same things as you are.

I rarely discuss my interests for a similar reason and I do spend a lot of time trying to build a likeable character and then act it, because I'm not sure that my real self isn't just too weird. I used to have a real yearning to fit in and have female friends, now I think I have one female friend (which I am quite amazed and excited about actually) but I have given up on ever expecting to 'fit in'.

I can say from experience that "fitting in" is really quite overrated. Hopefully society will learn to value people for their individuality, and everything that a unique individual can bring to the table. But, we're not there yet.

If I do this I end up being even more annoying.

"The more you stir a manure pile the worse it smells" is my lazy excuse for everything, the excuse doesn't really work, but at least it makes you feel a bit more stress-free at times and makes you say f**k it.

I should do that more....but then I would have to find a way to drown the guilt of being an ass just to get away from someone.

I don't now no. I gave up the idea of trying to adapt myself a long time ago. Now I could care less what people think because I know more often than not they wont get me, so speaking to a new person with no expectations won't feel bad nor good as a result if you don't connect. Expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed.

Oddly enough, I noticed that people tend to like being around me more when I am not trying to present the impossibly superhuman facade that all is well in my world.

Yeah, big time.

Sometimes it works, sometimes they just feel bad for me.

It's definitely something that I worked on for a while. My lack of intonation was driving people crazy as, along with my lack of facial expressions, people could not read me at all. They could not tell if I was being serious or sarcastic. Thus, I started trying to incorporate mannerisms and expressions into my communication style and it seems to have worked. Nowadays I am only quiet and hard to read when I get extremely depressed. Now there are people who laugh at my jokes and sort of get me. I still will never fit in 100%, but at least I can function better than I used to.

Fitting in a little bit for survival is good. Fitting in 100% is overrated. In fact, your lack on intonation works well for acting, hiding emotions when people do not need to know what is going on, and well maybe you'd do well if you were a celebrity!

I have absolutely no desire to fit in 100%. Normal people are scary and I don't wish to be one of them. I just like being able to have conversations with other people instead of being a total social pariah like I was. I still am rather isolated and have never had a girlfriend but at least I am not the target of constant ridicule like I was.

For me, its difficult. I do have likable parts to my personality that I only feel comfortable around with people I'm closer to or if I'm in a non-stress social enviorenment. But the thing is, when you see my outward more open sides of my personality, you also get the bad stuff. Inappropriate comments, over questioning, going too far, dumb comments, etc. So I end up showing a very quiet, anti-social persona. Whenever I feel uncomfortable, I regress back to being quiet and anti-social. I seem to have to work non-stop on trying to improve myself. It doesnt help that I constantly have my mom reprimending me.