How to explain your condition to friends?

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Roninninja
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04 Jun 2012, 7:47 pm

I have friends who constantly call me to hang out. I enjoy hanging out with them, but I like to be alone most of the time. I don't consciously try to be antisocial or anything, It's just that most things I like to do I can do by myself. (Develop Apps, Play Music, Read up on my favorite subjects) They are unaware that I have Aspergers, and by they way they speak to me, I think that they think I am just ditching them. How can I tell them about my condition? I genuinely prefer to be alone most of the time and they call several times a week. I'm starting to feel smothered. :?


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redrobin62
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04 Jun 2012, 7:54 pm

Believe it or not, they won't believe you. It's horrible, I know, but it's true. They'll say they don't know what Asperger's is. When you tell 'em it's a form of autism they'll just look at you like you're crazy. Yeah, I'm speaking from experience. I told 'em but all they gave me was a 'deer in the headlights' stare. Obviously, they weren't buying it.



questor
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04 Jun 2012, 8:11 pm

Financial info, personal ID info, and medical info, including about your Asperger's, should only be given out on a need-to-know basis. Just tell your friends that you are not trying to diss or dump them, but rather, that you are more solitary than they are, and somewhat introverted, so you need more alone time than they do, but that you will hang out with them when you are able.

Or alternatively, you could tell them that you aren't always available when they want to hang out with you, but again, that you will hang out with them when you are able to.


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jyy124
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04 Jun 2012, 8:14 pm

if they know you well and are your good friends, i don't see any problem in telling them you have aspergers, just tell them that you just need some solitude once in a while and maybe show them the wikipedia page. keep the explanation short and im sure they'll understand



Roninninja
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04 Jun 2012, 8:46 pm

questor wrote:
Financial info, personal ID info, and medical info, including about your Asperger's, should only be given out on a need-to-know basis. Just tell your friends that you are not trying to diss or dump them, but rather, that you are more solitary than they are, and somewhat introverted, so you need more alone time than they do, but that you will hang out with them when you are able.

Or alternatively, you could tell them that you aren't always available when they want to hang out with you, but again, that you will hang out with them when you are able to.


This seems like great advice. I don't like to tell people about my condition. I always figure when I explain I have a mild form of Autism it may be misunderstood.


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one-A-N
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04 Jun 2012, 11:06 pm

"I'm the sort of person who needs to spend a lot of time on my own - I get worn out in groups of people. But when I have got back the energy to be with other people, you are the guys I most want to be with."

You like them - but you can't always be with people. If they understand that, then they understand enough of Asperger's to be your friends, without having to wrap their minds around the official terminology.

This "I'm the sort of person..." approach is actually recommended by Tony Attwood, a leading psychologist specialising in ASD. Your friends don't need to know the whole story - such as your actual diagnosis.



Chris71
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05 Jun 2012, 1:54 am

one-A-N wrote:
I'm the sort of person who needs to spend a lot of time on my own - I get worn out in groups of people. But when I have got back the energy to be with other people, you are the guys I most want to be with.


I think you hit the nail on the head there, one-A-N.

Oops, how NT of me, of course there was no hammer or nail contact, let me rephrase. Errm I think you came up with a highly justifiable phrase that accurately explains one's perceived characteristics and sets appropriate expectations without causing any strange reactions from the friends of the mentioned person.

There, that feels better.

Seriously though, I also agree with the other comments about not mentioning AS or autism.
My partner of 8 years still doesn't believe me.!



Irishcream
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05 Jun 2012, 12:12 pm

what a funny world we live in



NicoleG
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05 Jun 2012, 12:47 pm

"I'm just not in the mood today. Maybe we can do something next week?"



namaste
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05 Jun 2012, 12:53 pm

i am desperate to have friends
believe me now you are ignoring them
but a day will come when you are pretty bored and you will seek them
rather then telling them anything why don't you just join them
pretend that you are enjoying the activities
i just dread being alone and isolated. :oops:


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Nereid
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05 Jun 2012, 11:30 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
Believe it or not, they won't believe you. It's horrible, I know, but it's true. They'll say they don't know what Asperger's is. When you tell 'em it's a form of autism they'll just look at you like you're crazy. Yeah, I'm speaking from experience. I told 'em but all they gave me was a 'deer in the headlights' stare. Obviously, they weren't buying it.


The few people I've told about my condition had a similar reaction. I dont want too many people to know because unfortunately I think most people would look down on you more for having aspergers rather than just seeming distant or rude.



NicoleG
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05 Jun 2012, 11:43 pm

Roninninja wrote:
I think that they think I am just ditching them.

What's the difference between actually ditching someone versus what you are doing by not participating with them?



Roninninja
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06 Jun 2012, 4:13 pm

one-A-N wrote:
"I'm the sort of person who needs to spend a lot of time on my own - I get worn out in groups of people. But when I have got back the energy to be with other people, you are the guys I most want to be with."

You like them - but you can't always be with people. If they understand that, then they understand enough of Asperger's to be your friends, without having to wrap their minds around the official terminology.

This "I'm the sort of person..." approach is actually recommended by Tony Attwood, a leading psychologist specialising in ASD. Your friends don't need to know the whole story - such as your actual diagnosis.


Great Advice!


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Roninninja
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06 Jun 2012, 4:18 pm

namaste wrote:
i am desperate to have friends
believe me now you are ignoring them
but a day will come when you are pretty bored and you will seek them
rather then telling them anything why don't you just join them
pretend that you are enjoying the activities
i just dread being alone and isolated. :oops:


I do like hanging out with them, but i find myself ready to end the social occasion sooner than they are. They are the kind of friends that want to meet at 12pm and hang out till midnight. They have touchy feely conversations that I just can't relate too as well. Maybe i just don't really have much in common with them or something. We all are studying computer science, thats the only thing we have in common.


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You are very likely an Aspie


Roninninja
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06 Jun 2012, 4:21 pm

NicoleG wrote:
Roninninja wrote:
I think that they think I am just ditching them.

What's the difference between actually ditching someone versus what you are doing by not participating with them?


Yeah, it's their perception of me telling them I don't want to hang out. I don't want to sound cold, but i just have better things to do then just stand around and talk about feelings.


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Your Aspie score: 159 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 51 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie