Friendship issues

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Friendship issues plague my life and being an aspie isn't making it better. I was in therapy for a time but we can't agree to disagree so I left. Friendships are my main issue because I tend to feel rejected by others because I have poor social skills. I tried asking a neighbor friend if I could see her but I didn't hear back from her so feeling desperate and bold, I said I'd walk up to her house tomorrow but get the cold shoulder from her saying she hates when people show up uninvited. I ran out of options and now I feel I've jepordised the friendship.

It's as if I'll try anything to see someone like this neighbor but making new friends whether in my area or elsewhere is not easy. I do feel I'm good with online relationships because it gets me time to think of what to say in an IM window and I don't have to feel so bad

I'm always looking for new friends. Any advice would be great.

I'm terrible at making friends too - I'm sorry you're feeling bad about that right now!

It's not easy living with a condition that dooms us to a lifetime of difficulty socializing, and feelings of loneliness and ostracism. I just try to keep a positive attitude, and accept that everyone has their challenges, and this is ours :/

(That didn't come out as positive as I meant for it to, but it's been one of those days!) *hugs*

Friendship has also been challenging for me my entire life. In the last year I have gotten to a point where I feel things are better than they had been for a long time in regards to friends. When I was super depressed I felt as though I had no friends when infact, I had friends who were good and kind people, but I lacked the self esteem and follow through to make it work. Friendship does require effort and work, and cooperation.

It takes balance though, because it can't be onesided, like your neighbor who did not meet you "in the middle" about visiting. It might be better to start out making guy friends and then let them introduce you to female friends, so that the female friends won't think you are flirting with them. (I didn't mean for that to sound harsh, but there are a thousand reasons a girl could be hesistant to starting a frienship with you without knowing some mutual friends first).

So, here is what I did differently to make use of the friends I had available but did not feel met my friendship needs. I called them, facebooked them, and texted them. I thought of events that I wanted to attend, and asked them to join me to that event (a lecture, a movie, etc). If it didn't work out that one time, I would wait a few weeks and ask again. I would not show up at their house or anything, and if they never responded back to me I would not keep bothering them.

Also I did not expect myself to behave perfectly. I stopped being mean to myself about my social mistakes, and stopped further hurting my self esteem by being my own worst enemy and saying "Oh well that was a stupid thing to say!" to myself when I made mistakes. You know what, my friends that have become my real friends know I am awkward and they are OK with it, because they aren't perfect people either so they do not expect me to be perfect.

Just my two cents, I hope it helps.

I would suggest you apologise to your neighbour so that you're both on good terms for when you run into each other again. Tell her that you should have been more considerate of her preferences to only accept invited guests, and that you will keep this in mind in the future. Also, many people tend to have this preference, so try to avoid dropping by unannounced. It gives an impression that you're desperate or clingy, even if you aren't.

I am really glad that you're having success with online friendships. Continue to develop these, the more practice you have, the more confident you'll become with face-to-face situations and a you'll have deeper friendships with these people. If some of these people you talk to are local, consider extending this into some real-life meetups when you're ready.