If people humiliate you and you lost respect for them

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I know not all people are like this but since my childhood most people treated me like a low life, my parents say I'm a loner and should get some friends, but I've lost my self-respect long ago and I feel like nothing compared to other people. It's not a matter of self-respect, It's a matter of pride, maybe I don't respect my outer self, but at least I have some pride to reject people that were mean to me. I wish for a real friends that I could trust, not the one's that I should just follow and do what they say.

Growing up, I was a loner. I was not opposed to the idea of having friends, but I always wished that if I could have friends, they'd come naturally, and be people I could easily connect with and be myself around. Ideally, isn't that what friendship is? It certainly seemed like everyone else just made friends with no effort whatsoever.

You can talk about social rules, etc., but I don't think most of these people were faking it or struggling with it. They were able to just click (no pun intended). I couldn't click with them, therefore, the idea of forcing myself to do so seemed counterproductive. If it wasn't enjoyable for me, why force myself? If it was effortless for them, I'd never be able to keep up, meaning that I'd be a drain on them (i.e. not someone they'd consider a friend).

Again, I wasn't opposed to idea of friendship itself. I wasn't trying to not have friends. But I couldn't bring myself to turning the act of making friends into a chore. And I don't think anyone, NT or Aspie alike, really should do that. That's not what friendship is.

I think parents don't know how to respond. They see their child has no friends, and then pester the child about it, as if he's rejecting the very idea of having them in the first place. Whereas, I believe, and I think most would agree, that it's not something that can be forced and has to happen naturally. And no matter what a parent does, a parent can't force a child's peers to be his friends. It doesn't work that way.

So, I fully identify with you. As much as I would have liked friends, I wanted true friends. If that wasn't possible, being friendless was a better option than tedious efforts of trying to make pseudo-friends. And yes, considering how most of those people treated me, the idea of being forced to seek out their friendship was even more appalling.

It's a matter of self-respect, it's a matter of pride, but above all else, it's a matter what comes natural. Friendship is supposed to come natural. Unnatural attempts at making friends would never work.

So, long story short, I can fully relate to what you're saying here.

I don't have much advice to offer, but I can easily know how you feel there. From about the ages of 12 and 15 I was a loner. I started to lose my cousins who were the same age as me because they were at the age where they wanted to be out and about with their mates and not want me tagging along all the time, then they started criticising that I should have friends of my own. They were right, but they didn't know how hard it was for me. I used to do stupid things at school like follow people around because I so desperately wanted friends, but one group of girls I was following around went and told on me because they freaked out, instead of just politely getting to know me and cottoning on that I was lonely and just desired friendships, but I suppose I should have known better that friendships don't work like that with teenagers. When I was called into the office, I said to whoever they told on me, ''I only did it because I'm jealous of everybody else for having friends.'' Which was true.

I've never felt so rejected in all my life, and I think that has scarred me for life.

Been there, done that.

Dizzee, self-respect is a wonderful thing. Having it helps a person to enjoy life instead of feeling like just another of life's wounded victims.

Pride -- most people are put off by it. Because prideful people are seemingly always trying to prove themselves, esp. as to how better they are than other people. If you hear "He's got a chip on his shoulder" in reference to you, then other people see your pride for what it is -- selfish ego on display. And instead of helping you when you stumble and fall, they will laugh, point their fingers at you, and say mean things.

And I understand your need to reject others. I've done it more often than I can count. But it's a philosophy, a way of thinking, that is wrong-headed. Because to have friends, one must be a friend. So if you're saying "No!" all the time, you're not going to hear "Yes!" from potential friends.

Our downfall as Aspies, at least some of us, is we spend so much time in our heads, worrying and fretting about our insecurities and inabilities, that we forget or are too scared to try. Everybody else tries. And when they make mistakes, they try again. And by trying, they eventually find their strengths, talents and abilities as well as their weaknesses, non-talents and inabilities. And that is how we humans learn to value ourselves: By trying, by succeeding, by failing, and by trying again.

So if you're one of those Aspies who tries, fails miserably and then gives up, then how's that philosophy working out for you?

Dizzee, I experienced humiliation at school but eventually I decided that instead of seeing myself as someone who gets things wrong and who deserves to be punished I had to think of myself as someone who does get things right and who does have something to offer. I realise that's incredibly difficult to do (it took me the best part of ten years to come to that conclusion) but maybe if you thought like that about yourself you would feel better in yourself. I don't have many friends but the ones I do have I would call true friends and I'm sure you can find some true friends too, just maybe not in high school (I'm assuming you're in high school) Maybe you could join a club about one of your interests, you might make some friends there.

Friendships with people who do not acknowledge you are hard. For me they are draining and not worthwhile because at the end of the day they give nothing but their hands are always out to take. I have only so much energy but I would give all and more to people who show its not for naught.