Been thinking abouthow I interact with people

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I am kind of going to be going all over the place so please forgive me. But I have noticed that I feel like I may be able to connect with someone, but it just feels like there is a lost dimension to the relationship. That's the only way to describe it.

Now on to the second thing I was thinking about. I was watching Forrest Gump tonight, and it got me thinking about something that I have thought about before. I may love somebody in the sense of helping them out for no apparent reason, or love them as in lust, but when it come to true love (the first) , I have kind of the same problem as I do with the first problem. I may go through the motions, but as far as anything deep, it hardly happens (on rare occasions it does). But it seems like I go through the motions with caring about someone, but I actually kind of don't care.

Now unto a separate matter. At one point in my life, I felt so depressed I wanted to commit suicide, which thank God I am over. But in order to do that I put up a wall and focused on my future and so I stuck my head to the books and kind of isolated myself. This was prior to knowing about asperger syndrome. So anyways I kind of have noticed something. That even though I try to block out the pain, it does not entirely go away. And so I have noticed that in the long run that if I continue to cover it up it won't get to the root. Since the root is not just friendlessness, but actually asperger syndrome, I actually need to focus on that, and the friendship aspect will get better. I guess to some up how I have made myself feel is that I am emotionless (not fully, but rather) and I just feel as though I need to be more expressive . So I guess how do I do that. I may go through the motions, but it never feels like I am actually expressing anything.


So any thoughts? Thanks

Firstly, I am glad that you have decided against committing suicide. You would have been a tragic loss to the human race, whether or not you are aware of such.

Have you ever considered taking up some sort of performing art--acting, reciting poetry, performing poetry, performing music, doing a comedy stand, joining the debate team, ect.? I have learned quite a bit about expression of emotion through my experiences in my performances in music and poetry. A natural aptitude is not required to excel in this area. Just ask my choir director.

I am not of much help when it comes to relationships, especially in regards to ones of the romantic variety. However, I find that dwelling on the positives of every person helps me to make some connection, even if only in my mind, with the human race. Discover what it is about people that keeps you attempting the endeavor of relationships, even if the endeavors are brutal and unpleasant.

Best of luck to you in managing the issues that you have.