I just feel like people don't want to be friends .....

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So now i've finished college before heading off to uni or apprenticeship, all the people i thought of as friends and best friends don't seem to want to spend time with me at all. We have the odd conversation now and then, more like weeks apart. Besides this there is only really one or two people i speak to more regularly than this one of them nearly everyday but is this just them putting up with me or am i being too demanding by trying to talk to them everyday and things.

Its been one of my best friends and another friends 18th's recently and i haven't been invited to the party for my best friends even though i know there is one and when it is. Nearly everyone who's invited, the majority i count of as friends, talks about it quite alot on facebook, over msn. The party before this was near enough organised by my other best friend yet he only told me about it around mid-night the day before whilst everyone else knew about it for the past week, i just get the feeling it was a last minute thought to invite me. I try to socialise with people at parties and do drink along with everyone else yet i just feel like i'm left on the side as people go off into their own little groups and conversations and try a wide mix of drinks and spirits together which i refuse to participate in, and just drink the same drink at every party all night, and then feel left out as i am relatively sober amongst a load of drunks.

Sometimes i just get the feeling that they just don't like me and don't want to spend time with me yet if i bluntly ask them this they say we are good friends and everything. Like many, if not all of them, know about my AS and know i can change how i feel about things quickly, but is this really the reason they don't want to spend time with me because i don't understand their way of socialising and can't take social cues or empathise with them on most things.

"Normal people" are strange in their choice of socialization. Besides taking it for granted, they get very lazy about it especially as lives get busy. They get into this little groups and bubbles - and if someone is not part of it, they are very unlikely to ever be because that means change and effort. I have an issue making friends because of similar - then again, my definition of a friend is incredibly strict. If I cannot maintain a comfortable relationship outside of convenient circumstances, then they are not a friend. Actions - no words.
So while I hate to say it, maybe you should question if they are really your friends? People throw around the word 'friend' just as often as they do other inaccurate pointless labels (for example, I have a relative who says 'I love you' about once every 3 sentences). I think it is a ploy more to make themselves feel better, laziness of language, or just routine like hugs. So I stopped trusting this so much even though I do feel obligated to return the gesture and live up to the name. Life has been very lonely - and I will agree. It never does feel like people want to be friends - probably because they are so used to naturally having them they forget about people like us who require a bit more effort....

Yeah... I get the feeling like you can't hang out with people either because they've moved on or will only go out to bars and clubs.
Even if you do have 5 or 6 in a group including you, you can still be left out.
I'm lucky to have two or three but making the effort is very much the downfall...

I feel the same. I think NTs send impossibly mixed signals. Quite a few times in the past I had people invite me to coffee or a movie, act like they enjoyed talking to me and say "we should do this again soon!" and then forget I exist. I'd email or call, and when they'd finally respond a month or two later they'd say "oh, I've been so busy! My life is just crazy!" Except that I would know from facebook and such that in the meantime they'd held a dinner party, met for lunch with mutual friends, gone drinking, etc.-- just not bothered to invite me. I just don't get it. I don't even understand what NTs mean when they say "friend" anymore, but I know I'm not one and don't have any, and probably never will.

ETA: then again given the above comment perhaps my thrift store purchases are the problem to begin with :/ After all, $500 is a month's living expenses for me. I don't think I've ever owned jeans that cost more than $20 and that would be a BIG splurge. Just saying...

Hello,

I am a mum of an Aspie boy aged 12 and also diagnosed myself. I have struggled all my life with freindships and am now watching my son struggle with the same issues.

I have learnt quite a lot, and hope that what i am going to share is of use.

Firstly it's true that people are 'so busy' these days.....there is so much going on and everyone is under pressure to do as much as they can with their lives, and so they take the easy way out, no conflict, little effort. We as Aspies are 'effort', but we are worth it!! ! True friends know this So don't take it personally even if it makes you sad (which is a normal reaction)

Secondly, I know this from knowing me, and my son, that Aspies do not make the effort to really get to know people. They are interested in thier own interests and want to share them with others. But that is not freindship, it's just taking from others. I wish I had known this at a young age!! ! You need to learn 2 things; how to gather information on people without them being aware so that you can know more about the person, and how to do 'small talk'.
I find I forget stuff people tell me and forget to ask about them. I have to make a real effort. I met someone who had a solution to this problem - a file box!!
It's worth getting a filing box and making cards for each of your freinds. (or you can have a computer database) Put their name at the top, and names and ages of all their family members, pets etc. KEEP IT SECRET!! every time they tell you something about themselves put it on the card. Make sure you revise this card regularly. When they tell you an event, like their grandma dying, make sure you react approprately (eg say "So sorry to hear that, are you OK?"). being a good listener is more important than being a good speaker. Watch their face - if they look sad, then put your sad face on. Nod slightly when you are listening, looking them in the eye. Remember to ask them how they are about least once a week, or leave it alone if they don't want to talk about it (eg they look away).

Thirdly, remember you are a nice person, you care about people and you want to connect. The best way to do this is in clubs and groups with your special interest. Nothing better than belonging to a club!!

I hope this helps. Don't get depressed, value yourself and then so will others

The reason that the file must be kept secret is that it would be considered odd by NT's and a bit spooky, that you are keeping a file on them!! Don't be tempted to share about this. The file is for your own memory only, so that you can remember to care about others. If someone finds out, tell them you have a poor memory and you have to write things down so you can remember things that are important to your freind, because you care about them.