One thing I'm learning is, basically, with a lot of social things...less is more. You don't have to post photos like that, and many times it's better to just not respond to criticism since it's just not worth the time. Let the comments stay, but if either they're not worth arguing with, or you'll make yourself look like more of a dunce, don't respond back.
I think with AS, we tend to think in extremes. On one extreme, we'll get so socially inactive for whatever reason, then we'll look like idiots for that. Whether or not it's anxiety, etc, we'll get anxious and say "ah, everyone hates me, so I won't hang out with anyone." Then we'll break out of that cycle, gain more confidence, and sorta think we're "cured" and then we'll be so socially active, partially because we weren't for a long time. What happens, I think is, it's less that you're "cured" and more you just get more confidence. Basically what happens then is, you're still for the most part, same awkward you, but you're confident and don't care. So you basically think you're higher functioning than you are, in a sense. Back when I "broke out of my shell" I was "hanging out" with people so much, I thought I was so high social functioning, I thought the social problems were just a phase I went through in high school, etc. But, I found out from other people that I was still awkward as hell.
So what do you do now? Well, you gotta find a happy medium. Obviously it doesn't mean you just close yourself off to the world and be a hermit, but at the same time, you probably won't ever be able to be a true social extrovert partygoer. I'd say from my personal experience, right, with AS, it'd be better, say, if a group meets 4 days out of the week, let's say. Show up for one a week. More than that is overkill at best, and destructive at worst, you're draining yourself of social energy and just ignoring your feelings about it, and eventually it'll bite you in the ass and you'll just end up randomly crashing into a wall so to speak. Don't worry about attending everything a group has to offer, probably no one else attends everything either.
Lastly, as far as your true feelings on things. This is tough. Don't tell anyone your feelings. You're gonna just find individual people to tell your feelings, they'll be your confidantes if you will. But telling them to people you do not know well, or en masse via facebook, etc, usually doesn't end well for us. That's somewhat why WP exists, to give a semi-anonymous bouncing board for feelings you cannot tell everyone else. I refuse to get Facebook just because I'm like that, but Facebook can be used against you. It seems needed now to have a "social life" but I'd not post anything on Facebook besides really really....like...boring stuff. I think that's partially why people come off boring. They're afraid to tell other people the real truth of what's going on in their lives for fear of being judged, and they're right in their assessment.
As far as work, well, that's the conclusion I'm coming to. The Dali Lama said it best...
Quote:
The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, he said:
“Man.
Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;
the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;
he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
I feel by going to college, you've already set yourself up to be apart of this dreadful game described here, but people do not realize better. I remember when I was working, right, I'd spend about two hours wage every night on food at a restaurant, because I was too tired to cook when I got home. That's not really efficient. Many people don't really make much money from their jobs for this reason. They sacrifice their time and energy, and then use the money they get to buy things or services that cater to that. That's not efficient. Screw that. People tell me "Oh, go to school, get a fulltime job" and I simply don't wanna start this vicious cycle. My personal plan is work a fairly regular job with 30ish hours a week, then save money for a down payment on a house in Maine or somewhere remote, where houses and land are cheap (20-40K). Then get a 30 or 15 year mortgage and hopefully pay it off early, but the payments on such a mortgage would be like $200, so not much more than a car payment. As far as cars, I'll never get a car with payments, unless I want an older exotic or something. I just learned to fix stuff myself. I guess I have a bit too much of the Ayn Rand sorta thought process, but yeah.
I can't say much more, but good luck, whatever you do.
Quote:
There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village. As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish. The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”
The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”
“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.
“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.
The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”
The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”
The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman. “I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”
The fisherman continues, “And after that?”
The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”
The fisherman asks, “And after that?”
The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with your kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”
The fisherman smiled.
04 Jul 2012, 11:03 am
