How to not turn cold shoulder to those suffering?

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Heylo *waves*

Attempt two. (last one was lonnnng xD)
So keep this super brief.

We lack tact, we're no so great at recognising social dances, we take things literal, we tell it like it is.

I offer advice frequently, but it is repeatedly thrown back in face, high five your monitor if you feel me. *remembers this is an Autism forum* xD

When I see people suffering, ofc, I want to help, we all do, but communication isn't our strong point.
So misunderstandings, taking things as an attack taking it personally, we're just trying to help. We get mad, we say f u, then we walk off.
See someone else suffering a few days later, want to help, same thing happens again.

Now either we're all super forgetful (well some of us DO have ADHD xD), or we are just getting frustrated at others in the moment, but in general we care, we're just not good at showing it.

So over and over again, we get misunderstood, attacked, yelled at, cause arguements even fights, and cut off from the group at the extremes.

How does that make you feel being misunderstood over and over and attacked for trying to help? Grow to hate people? Grow to hate stupid people? World in general? Or do you beat up on yourself?

Me? Had a fun past. Mother projected hatred of absent Father onto me, her Son, who had the same name, looks, even mannerisms.
I was repeatedly falsely accused over and over. Try to defend myself "but Mum I didn't do it ". It continued, over and over. My analytical skills increased as I tried to figure out ways how I could prove my innocence, nothing, still got the blame, no matter how correct I was, I couldn't explain it in a way She could understand. Baby Sister came along, baby Sister seen female parent treating me this way "Oh, the other female in the scene I look up to blames Alex, let's copy her" (as kids do). Continually falsely accused, but now I was getting blamed for things my Sister did to (lol), and She actually defended herself saying it wasn't her, NEVER! Ofc, Single parent Mother with psychological projection issues believed her. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MADNESS I'M TELLING THE TRUTH!!. So falsely accused over and over, punished, consequences over and over, would you get mad if someone didn't believe you? You might get a little frustrated at first, then a little mad and confused, then tantrum. How about if someone who was supposed to love you and take care of you growing up falsely accused you and oozed hatred? Would you be ANGRY then? No... you'd start blaming yourself when the whole World is telling you that you're bad, you'd start hating yourself, you'd have your meltdowns and destroy everything in your path.

I grew up blaming myself, I went through my teens thinking I was a bad person, I went on extreme self destruct at 15. Ended up in HMP/YOI at 16 for Attempt Armed Robbery, just to see what it was like. Hey I was on self destruct? Why not ya know?

Cut forward 10 years now at 26.

Diagnosis of ADHD and ASD (HF) 2 months ago
Doctor doesn't disagree: OCD
Highly probable/definition: ODD/CD/PDA
Borderline: Sociopath (according to some test online which had the Schizotypal thing as well - borderline on that to, but it was an official assessment)

Now
1. Given the above, as an Adult my greatest fear is being controlled.

2. ASD my social skills suck, I have no tact, I can't connect, I miss cues, I tell it like it is, I am literal. (although I do excel at word play, so sometimes I misunderstand on purpose, lol, I think good with word play because always trying to interprerate what could people mean with those awfully ambigious words they use xD, agree? )

3.And given that 4/5 years before diagnosis or even awareness of ASD and ADHD I had been trying to "fix" my total messed up life I made, with no avail. I have studied my ass off with personal growth, relationships, male-female dynamics, emotions, body language, general psychology, habits etc. All for 4/5 years.

So being human, I care, I just struggle to show, I try to help, but it comes off the wrong way to others, REPEATEDLY...
Now I'm aware that they don't attack me intentionally cause they are bad people, no, they are just blinded by their emotions and are taking things personally. So knowing this I no longer blow up in their face "f u, just trying to help" etc.

As I said above at the start, it keeps happening, either I keep forgetting how frustrating it is or another reason (there are several).
Point is I care about others, and so do you, we just struggle to communicate.

But what the hell do you do when you get slapped in the face over and over, told you have no idea what you're talking about, you don't know me, "insert numerous name calling", generally put down, when you are trying to help?

You/We may or may not understand why they are acting like that, but it doesn't matter if we do understand.
I understand and know why they respond like they do, I'm aware of "unsolicited advice not welcome" and people taking things personally and sugar coating, but over time though, you can only keep telling yourself something when the whole World seems to tell you that you're wrong!

My particular problem is this: When I notice someone is suffering is trapped, once i've identified them as that, I can't help but resist, not only because it's human nature, but in this particular scenario, trapped by their own false paradigm, and others telling them they are worthless and controlling them, as what happened to me as a child, I don't want this on no one, so I try to help, and get slapped in face (Figuratively) and verbally abused.

I waste my time over and over, I want others to be independent and strong so they can stand up for themselves and deal with their own problems and not have to rely on someone else doing it for them.

But I can't:
1. Get throught to them
2. Stop myself from trying to get through to them
3. It's grinding me down. It's slowly destroying me and my confidence in my analysis abilities etc.

So many times I've said "that's it, f u all, you're on your own", and i'll continue saying it until something changes. I'll continue being chipped away at and I am one resilient individual. (people can't hurt me, only my reality can).

So what the hell do we do when this happens? We can't let ourselves be ground into the uhm ground xD.


How do you deal with this problem??? Have you thrown caution to the wind and said "dog eat dog" ? Are you going through a similar thing to me? Or are you surrounded by those who understand?


I have to say something additional here. (the reason why this post is longer than would of been otherwise necessary)
I said previously I am borderline Sociopath, the assessment was online so not official, but I am self aware and I know that I have some Sociopath tendencies, but they are kept in check, because I have that one Man made connection with others to constantly remind me there are others out there. If I turn a cold shoulder to those suffering that one and only connection will be lost, and people will end up toys, part of the scenery not people. People will become things to play with and manipulate. I really don't wanna be that person, controlling someone is the last thing I want. I have no morals, I have brains, I have efficiency. This connection is the only thing stopping me from being a Sociopath. So this subject is quite the serious one for me. : /

What to do?
What do you do?

Sociopaths don't just have a cold shoulder, they tend to troll/bully a lot, they kill and torment animals and humans, and they're basically your average criminal. Many of them rapists, and burning people's houses down, and all the sorts. You should look up Anti social Personality Disorder. This is what all the Sociopaths/Psychopaths have.

Be careful labelling yourself as a borderline Sociopath. Lack of empathy is also an Austistic/Aspergers thing, so if you were diagnosed with that, then I would relate that symptom to that.

As for me, I totally relate. I have BPD, ADD (diagnosed by a psychiatrist but didn't want to write it on my files) and I share a few ASD traits.


As for not turning a cold shoulder to those who are suffering, I have no advice here, since I don't really know how to do this myself. I usually just apologise and say I wish I could do something, and then I feel like it's all my fault because I can't do anything to help them.

It sounds like your giving advice and people aren't liking it.

I've heard it to trust me. "You don't know me" "Try living my life"

It's dumb s**t people say when they know your right but are in total denial.

Cold shoulder was a figure of speech I don't know how else to describe it without being aggressive, lol.
I checked out BPD again, and it's true, I do have a lot of those symptoms, it's also true though that I have symptoms of a Sociopath.
You say to harm or bully, what if I told you i've justified trolling to myself? I am not your typical, let's upset people for "sh*ts and giggles", no, there is reason to my madness. BPD or Sociopath, it doesn't particularly matter though. I just mentioned that to point out how serious this question is for me, and why I can't just simply stop giving advice/ignoring.

How do deal with those who don't understand and wear you down?
I'm not a martyr I don't want or pretend to be, I don't need to help others, but I do, but I'll also be damned if I allow myself to be dragged down. I'm a human being goddamn it and my life has meaning! And i'd say more than others to, so perhaps I am a Sociopath, what matters though is making this decision I am plagued with now.

Lol yeah, "you don't know how it feels" is one I always laugh at. So I've never experienced pain? OMG are you an Alien, do we have different emotions? :O Perhaps I should let go, I would just need to figure out a way that it wouldn't effect my value of loyalty, and my relentless (some call it stubborn, relentless sounds better I think xD) attitude towards life. I could develop an additional value I suppose which would cover it. Hmm.


So what do you do/how do you feel/think about this problem we face thewhitrbbit???