What to do when stranger take their frustration out on you?

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deltafunction
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11 Jul 2012, 4:34 pm

It seems to be happening to me a lot lately, and every time it happens, I get very self-conscious, and it throws me off for the day. I've had strangers yell and swear at me before for small blunders I made, small mistakes really. I'm a very calm and gentle person, who wants peace, so this upsets me a lot. I hate being yelled at, especially for small mistakes.



aSKperger
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11 Jul 2012, 5:01 pm

So what. Don't care much unless it is someone very close. I understand people need to blow the steam, so I do not take it personally.



deltafunction
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11 Jul 2012, 5:06 pm

I hate yelling and swearing at people in general, maybe that's the problem. I used to get very upset when my parents and family would yell and swear at each other.



aSKperger
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11 Jul 2012, 5:59 pm

Me too. It's just. You have to distinguish
1. who is talking to you
2. at what occasion
3. what is the TRUE meaning of their acting/words. Note: people often say one thing but means something opposite even.

Now
1 - if it is stranger, person you don't respect, person you are not friend with - f**k them. Simple as that. They do not know you, they can't judge you.
If it is someone you love and care of - that hurts badly. And it is completely normal it hurts. You should tell them it hurts and if they are respectable, they should stop.

2 - if it is small mistake or no reason at all. f**k them. Have no right to judge you and blame you. It is not about you, so they can't hit you.
If you make real mistake and you now it. That's it. You took the lesson plus your conscience will punish you. Anything above this you have to ignore

3 - They are yelling/swearing at you. These are words and emotions only. Not a big deal. Question is - what does it really mean? Am I wrong wrong stupid person? Or they are just frustrated about something in their life? You know the answer. So you now know the true meaning of their acting. Repeat it for yourself: "they are not angry at me. I did not do anything wrong. They are angry because their car was stolen or whatever... and this is how they show me their grief. It doesn't make much sence, but I understand it. I am a little sad with it, but life goes on. I am ok and they will be more balanced after this, so it is not a big deal".
:wink:



thewhitrbbit
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11 Jul 2012, 6:44 pm

Who are these strangers?

I find it hard to believe your just walking down the street and people have a bulls eye on you cursing you out. That could pass for assault as a crime.



Gnonymouse
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11 Jul 2012, 6:48 pm

Imagine them suddenly getting hit by a bus and the world continuing to move as though they never existed. Then smile as though you are unfazed by them which will piss them off even more.



Summer_Twilight
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11 Jul 2012, 7:40 pm

It really depends on the situation.

1. If it's a work environment and they take things out on you, stay calm. There is nothing that you can do. All you can do is say that you apologize and try to ignore them. However, if they continue to get hostile, look at them and mention that you are going to get the supervisor. However, if it gets worse, you set boundaries and mention that if they don't calm down, let know you will call security

2. If it is out of work and other treat you that way, set boundaries. Say, "I understand your situation and I am very sorry about that. At the same time, I am not your scape goat and I would appreciate it if you would stop taking your problems out on me."



deltafunction
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11 Jul 2012, 8:47 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Who are these strangers?

I find it hard to believe your just walking down the street and people have a bulls eye on you cursing you out. That could pass for assault as a crime.


Today, I was literally just crossing the street and got yelled at by a frustrated driver. Honestly, though, I was following the rules of the road, so I don't know what her problem was.

Another time I was leaving work, and opened a door on someone who was blocking the emergency exit through which I was leaving... That was more complicated, since it was at work.

aSKperger wrote:
Me too. It's just. You have to distinguish
1. who is talking to you
2. at what occasion
3. what is the TRUE meaning of their acting/words. Note: people often say one thing but means something opposite even.

Now
1 - if it is stranger, person you don't respect, person you are not friend with - f**k them. Simple as that. They do not know you, they can't judge you.
If it is someone you love and care of - that hurts badly. And it is completely normal it hurts. You should tell them it hurts and if they are respectable, they should stop.

2 - if it is small mistake or no reason at all. f**k them. Have no right to judge you and blame you. It is not about you, so they can't hit you.
If you make real mistake and you now it. That's it. You took the lesson plus your conscience will punish you. Anything above this you have to ignore

3 - They are yelling/swearing at you. These are words and emotions only. Not a big deal. Question is - what does it really mean? Am I wrong wrong stupid person? Or they are just frustrated about something in their life? You know the answer. So you now know the true meaning of their acting. Repeat it for yourself: "they are not angry at me. I did not do anything wrong. They are angry because their car was stolen or whatever... and this is how they show me their grief. It doesn't make much sence, but I understand it. I am a little sad with it, but life goes on. I am ok and they will be more balanced after this, so it is not a big deal".
Wink


Makes sense. I guess I just have to stop and think about the reality of the situation more. If I do that, I understand that I am not at fault. But my feelings of self-reprehension are so strong, I place the blame to myself :?

Maybe I need higher self esteem?



aSKperger
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12 Jul 2012, 9:14 am

Quote:
Maybe I need higher self esteem?


Very good idea. Never harm to get higher one :wink: Go for it. I personally recommend self defence training. You will learn some useful physical stuff but your head/self esteem, jeez it makes miracles.