Would you think this is racist?

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A friend of mine was annoyed with me because I was talking to a German man (who spoke perfect English) on a night out. She was not on her own, she had others to hang out with, but was still annoyed with me.

She says it's because she does not like any coloured/foreign people because they would all try to spike your drink. She also threatened me, if I ever spoke to any of them again.

It's been three days since that night, and she keeps trying to text me. But I barely reply now. I have also now tried to contact old friends to renew friendships if possible, because I really do not want to be friends with someone who controlls and tells me who I should talk to you. I didn't even have a drink with me when I was spekaing to him.

Do you think what she said was racist?

Yes. She is generalizing an entire demographic for actions they may or may not have been displayed by a few members. Not ALL foreign people would do that, just like not ALL native people would be just the opposite. It's good that you are trying to build relationships with other friends. Anyone who is trying to control you isn't worth your time.

I would definitely say so as well. That sound's like a terrible assumption of an entire country of people, just because they don't come from the same country as herself. That kind of ignorance annoys me as well so I feel you have done the right thing by not contacting her. As for the threat, I just find that bizarre for a friend to do. You are you're own person, she has no right to tell you what you should and shouldn't do.

um, yes.

If that's not racist, I don't know what is. You should not have anything to do with her any more if you can help it, she sounds like she could be a dangerous person.

I think I would be scared of this person. It is one thing to make a racist joke to a person who can accept it, but this is directly implying "He is a bad person because he is different." Aspies and Autistics know what it is like to be discriminated against, so why should we accept discrimination against others. I would much rather see that individual learn the errors of their ways and learn to be more accepting of others.

Yes, that was definitely a racist remark. I think you are right to look for other friends to hang out with. She sounds toxic!

It is racist, but I'm not sure if it's true racism or just paranoia.

It's racist and sounds like it was based on ignorance rather than hate, so maybe there is hope for her. A parent or someone she looked up to probably told her that when she was young and she still thinks it's fact. If you could find a way to help her see that those beliefs just aren't true you might be able to help her overcome those silly beliefs now. It's always harder to teach an old dog new tricks they say, and the longer a person holds a belief like that, the harder it is to convince them otherwise.

I can totally understand if you don't want to hang out with her to try that, and don't blame you a bit for it. One thing to keep in mind though, is that with her dislike of certain ethnicities she will probably associate the loss of your friendship with the guy you were talking to's heritage and not to her own foolishness, so her dislike of the entire group of people will just be embedded deeper. Maybe if you don't want to hang with her, just text her and tell her that you are dissapointed that she believes such an unfounded thing, and ask her where she heard it. If you tell her that you are hurt by her attitude (using the words racist, bigot, prejudice, etc will just make her refuse to hear you) and that you are uncomfortable with it, she may come around. She also may not, but I would suggest being kind in the way you do whatever it is you do about this. Anger and rejection will just reinforce her belief that Germans are bad and cause bad things, because she will see it as "he made you angry at her for no reason" (in her mind) rather than you truly like her but her own false ideas caused you to distance yourself from her. If nothing else, tell her in a kind way that you will miss her, and will welcome her back when and if she is willing to try to lose those beliefs.

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Yes, it does sound like your so called friend is racist. She is also definitely controlling and manipulative. You are better off without her.

I did have trouble with some of the people I worked with over the years, but not always. At some of the places I worked there was a lot of variety of people--many colors and countries were represented. I think I usually got along better at those places, as every one was so different, not just me. It was also interesting to be surrounded by people from so many different countries, and who were so many different colors. For a while I was even friends with an Indian couple I met through work, until I finally moved out of state. I sometimes went over to their apartment to hang out with them. As an adult I never did that with anyone else. They were very nice people. At a few places I had fun talking German with fellow employees who also knew the language. I had taken three years of it in high school and enjoyed trying to keep it up a little.

I sometimes did factory work, and at some of those jobs there was a problem with the hispanic women working on the lines. They would chatter away in spanish a mile a minute amongst themselves, while goofing off on the lines. I didn't care about them talking together in their own language, but the other American workers, and I didn't like them goofing off, because it meant we had to work harder to keep the work from getting backed up on the lines. These "ladies" would always keep a look out for the supervisors, though. As soon as they would spot one coming over to find out what the hold-up was, they would immediately start working at a normal rate. It was only the hispanics who behaved like this on the factory and warehouse jobs, but the hispanics in office jobs didn't act in this bad way. Perhaps it is some sort of cultural thing with them, that they don't like industrial work, and don't want to do it, even when they take the job for the money. When you sign on to do a job, you are obligated to do your best at it to earn the pay you receive. That's why these factory slackers ticked me off so much. If you can't handle the job, or don't want to do it, that's okay, as you can always leave. I always tried to do my best. On a few occasions I couldn't handle a job, so I left. It wasn't the end of the world when I did. It was better for both the employers, and for me that I do so. There were a lot of jobs that I wasn't crazy about, but could handle, so I kept with them, until the assignments were over. (I did a lot of temping.) I needed the money, and as long as I felt I could handle it, I did my best to do the job. Because of my unknown Asperger's, and my other health problems, I was glad to be able to have any job. Liking the job was not one of my requirements.

People who make such generalized criticisms of a whole group like your "friend" does, have very narrow, nasty minds. They also deprive themselves of a whole segment of learning about other cultures. I feel I gained from having worked with people from so many cultures and colors. I learned a little about a lot of different cultures, and because I worked with so many such people over the years, I became more comfortable being around all these different people.

Dump the controller, and hang out with your real friends.

Yes, your friend sounds very prejudiced. I think you need to ask yourself whether this is acceptable in a friendship. Some of my friends strongly dislike black people, an opinion based on learned behaviour from their parents. Whenever they say something about black people that I don't like, I just change the subject.

If it isn't acceptable to you, I strongly suggest you explain to this person exactly how you feel, what you didn't like about it, and whether or not they can change their attitude. This is a better approach than avoiding the person altogether as they might now be wondering why you're distancing yourself.

People tend to forget that friendships are exactly like relationships, you need to set clear expectations and guidelines.

Yes, I do. If I were you instead of ignoring her I'd tell her that what she said was wrong. Really, anybody can put roofies in your drink, it doesn't matter what colour your skin is or what language you speak. If anything I'd think that if you weren't a citizen of the country you'd be less likely to want to get into trouble in a different country.

She may as well have made herself up in blackface and yelled the N-word in public. If she were conscious afterwards, she must either be black, at a Klan meeting, or in Idaho.

That sounds like paranoia. It might be useful to find out why she feels that way.