Could use some help.
First of all, Hello everyone, I'm new here and I want to say that I don't have diagnosed autism or asperger's.
(SORRY FOR MY POOR ENGLISH, IN ADVANCE)
I've decided to register here and seek help from people who have been through/going through the same thing, I guess.
I have numerous social problems. Basically, I have one friend. She is working literally all day and all night this summer so I don't even get to see her though. I started working a month ago at a place where I've been working for 2 summers now and pretty much already know everybody. I've tried to connect with people outside of work and that just doesn't seem to work, ever. I've lost all the people I used to have around me due to my brutal depression 3 years ago. Now, that I'm really feeling better and want to reconnect, no one really seems to want me ''back''. It's the same thing with new people I meet. They've all got people in their lives and social circles already and I just don't know how to fit in anymore. I don't understand if the problem is me.. I came home from work all frustrated and sad because of all the plans I was hearing about going out and stuff like that. I just can't take it anmore. sometimes I think I'd feel better if I didn't go anywhere (not that I do now, except for work), just so I wouldn't see all that happy people and friends hanging out together all the time. So as I sat sobbing with myself on the couch, I thought oh well, I might as well ask someone for coffee, casually, just what people keep telling me to do. So I texted a ''friend'' I haven't seen in quite a while and thought it wouldn't be too pathetic of me. I ended up feeling even worse. First she was surprised like, ''where did you come from suddenly?'' we had made plans for drinks several months ago and I decided to say something like, ''We still didn't have that coffee -insert pathetic smiley face- '' and she said ''Oh I forgot about that hahah that was ages ago.'' Like, who would remember me, I don't matter now do I. I was still forcing myself to do something about it and we continued the conversation and made plans for the next day. I felt better than I ever did in ages that second, I swear. Until, a few hours later she texted me and said ''I can't have drinks with you tomorrow.'' I replied OK, let me know when you can. and that was it. I know i will never hear from her again, and I sure can't make myself to ask her again. People at my work think I have a normal life although I don't.. Before anyone starts judging me for saying ''no one ever asks me out'' I wanna say I DO initiate and ask people to get together (not pushy or anything, ever), drinks, beach, whatnot. They're always ''busy'' or ''have plans''. And of course, never ask me to do anything together, yet everyone seems to like me at work, but that's that. I really try hard. I click with most of the people. Have good laughs. Similar interests. Sense of humor. Even deeper conversations. Yet nobody seems to want me around them outside of work. I don't know what I'm doing wrong?:/ I'm not pushy, I'm not shy, I'm not awkward in any way. I'm even afraid to get into a relationship because I don't want guys to know that I'm such a lonely friendless person and end up pushing them away at the part where we start to get to know each other's friends.. It's really frustrating, I don't know what to do...
Thanks to anyone who replies.
once again sorry for my unsatisfactory english (it's not my native language and I can't express myself very well)
You sure took a long time to ask your question about why you don't have friends outside of work. I was wondering when you were going to get to your point. I hope you're not this long winded in person because I could see it turning people off.
_________________
One Day At A Time.
His first book: http://www.amazon.com/Wetland-Other-Sto ... B00E0NVTL2
His second book: https://www.amazon.com/COMMONER-VAGABON ... oks&sr=1-2
His blog: http://seattlewordsmith.wordpress.com/
Titangeek
Veteran
Joined: 22 Aug 2010
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,696
Location: somewhere in the vicinity of betelgeuse
Bit harsh
_________________
Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.
- Bruce Lee
Red Robin, the details are actually very important. If she is long-winded on here, that is okay and maybe a good thing. In-person though, yes, you may be right. Honestly, I'd rather be in the presence of someone a bit too long-winded than a mean person.
Being too long-winded, if that's the case, can take too much energy and time and can make one seem low functioning if something is truly simple but over expressed, and if this is done many times constantly.
People are picky and don't necessarily care about how nice you are. So, some people are going to get left out. You can improve to the point where you are easy to get along, but if your interests and personality don't fit with others enough, you get left out. I know how you feel Red Robin. My best advice is try to have certain friends for this and certain friends for that. You, like me, may not be able to have many or any friends that are "all in one stop" for lack of a better phrase. You have some friends that don't want the complications to figure out of drama or take the energy to keep in touch if they don't feel reciprocation. If you feel/know a person would open up to you if things are different, you can always submit a letter and sign it. People are more likely to look at a letter than try to listen to you speak. A letter is better for communicating than an IM, phone call, or in-person if you need to make a longer statements.