Having a bigger family makes you feel more lonely?

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Ironically I feel that having 14 cousins, all NTs, puts me to shame more than if I had fewer cousins, or cousins with disabilities aswell. If I only had 4 or 5 cousins, and I didn't hardly see them and didn't know what they were doing, I'd probably wouldn't feel so bad. Also if I did see my cousins and only very few were NTs and the rest had some form of Autism or some other disability that makes them non-NT or had other psychological problems like social phobia or extreme shyness, then that would also be all right. But coming from a family of all NTs makes me feel worse.

Analogy: If you had 9 black cubes and 1 white cube, the white cube would stand out completely, but if you had a mixture of different shades of greys and very few black, the white cube would still be white but won't stand out so vividly as it would with being the center of all black cubes. So in this situation, I feel like I'm the white cube and all my cousins are all black cubes (all perfect examples of NTs and all seem to be extroverted and all into dancing and drinking and can meet new people easily). I know drinking and dancing doesn't make one a brilliant person, but it seems to make them more liked, and it makes me stand out. OK, I'm like an NT here, I seem to think being liked is more important than doing the right thing (not that drinking and dancing is wrong, but one or two of my cousins have done some stupid, naive things recently and still seem to be liked, but I am more level-headed and sensible and yet they still don't accept me, all because I don't like drinking and dancing).

I expereince the same thing, particulaly with the family on my mothers side.

I have a couple things going against me there.

First of all, most of them are older than I am. The oldest was born in 1982, and I was born in 1990. Their older than me, and when my slightly older brother ( NT) and I were little, my AS got in the way of really bonding with them and forming friendships. Also their funnier and more interesting than my fathers side, but at same time more jaded, sarcastic, and cynical.

I dont feel too bad because my NT little brother is kind of ignored/ sloughed off by them when we are all in a big room together. Idk I just try to roll with the punches and be happy for what I have

@Joe90 - what do your cousins think about your fascination with buses and bus drivers?

I know what you are saying. My family is very extended, my siblings are married, their spouses have siblings, who have friends, who have spouses......and on and on. They all go round in a big gang. So yeah they make me feel more alone and isolated because I could not handle their social events and so don't go so they all think I am weird.

Yes, I think what you say makes sense. My family is very small - only my parents and my sister were around when I was growing up as all our extended family live in other countries. I think it was easier for me that way, as my family were very accepting and there was no one for me to be compared to. I think it was a lot harder for my Mum though, because she had to bring up her family with no support.

I haven't even told them about that. I don't see them enough anyway - they just come round then go off with eachother, simply because they already know I'm boring and worthless to them. I've even tried participating in what they do, like going out to the pub with them some Friday nights, so I don't even alienate myself from them, but they still prefer to be in eachother's company than mine, any day. The only cousin who truly loved me is now stuck with a control freak who won't let her see any of her family and he has made her turn nasty against all of us - but even then my cousins would go running upto her if she does ever get free from this bloke.

It seems the nastier you are, the more people like you. I know my cousin was controlled but she was old enough to know that her family were the best family she could ever wish for, and anyway, if I was under a control freak's thumb, I bet my cousins would just think I'm stupid and would wash their hands off my completely.

I have a small family and although some of the adults in my family have autistic traits (or in my dad's case maybe the actual disorder).....my sister and my two cousins are very socially adept and socially successful. My sister is just one of those likeable people who makes friends easily and can pretty much have a (non-awkward) conversation with anyone. She has a little circle of friends from work, another from school, another from her extracurricular activities like dance etc. and she usually has a boyfriend. I always thought my life would be so much easier if I was an only child with no one to be compared to.