New Friend - Conversation Ideas Please?

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I've recently started a friendship with someone due to our children playing together. She's invited me out tomorrow night and I'm nervous. I do go out regularly, I'm a very HF Aspie, but I'm also prone to getting too personal. I often make intense friendships that blow out because I get too genuinely involved in an aspect of their lives. This new friend is having boyfriend troubles, but this time round I've so far managed to just say non-committal stuff like "ah men suck" and the like, without giving an actual opinion. I'm quite good now at having a few drinks, playing some pool and keeping the conversation funny but that's easier if I know the person I'm with and what to talk about (what bands they like, what TV they watch, funny habits their kids have - stuff like that).

What can I talk about that's fun, popular, NT and probably won't get me into trouble? So far I've got the weather and summer holiday plans - that's my lot so far. Any good NT ideas? I would prefer answers from NTs or very HF aspies only please, otherwise it's a bit like the blind leading the blind ;o)

It seems you've already done the small talk with this person and understand a little bit about her life and background. I cringed a little when I read that you said, "Men suck," personally, I would aim for conversation that not insulting to anyone, as if you don't actually have a particular opinion of anyone.

Also, I'd let her lead the conversation to start off with, when you know what kind of of stuff she likes to talk about, then hopefully you'll be able to talk in a similar way to her. Building up too much of an identity by leading the conversation may make the other person feel inferior and perhaps even jealous if you go a little over the top.

Basically, in short, LISTEN and you'll know where to go from there. I hope this helps.

No it doesn't help at all.

I actually think "ah, men suck" is fine in this context - as a standalone statement it will be understood as slightly flippant, rather than a literal statement that all men really are lousy. If it was followed by a serious, impassioned rant about how horrible men are, then it might be inappropriate. But as it stands, I don't think the OP's done anything wrong.

How old are your kids, OP, if you don't mind me asking? You could always describe a funny thing one of your kids did (keeping the story fairly brief) and then ask her if her kids do things like that. Or talk about the age and the stage of development they're at - what's lovely about it, what's difficult about it. I've got a two year old and a lot of my conversations with her friends' mothers are either about coping with tantrums or the spectacularly funny phrases our kids are just starting to come out with. So long as you steer clear of criticising her children or bragging for a long time about your own, the kids could be a good topic.

Otherwise you could always ask her what music she likes and what TV she watches - things you'd normally talk about with someone you knew better. After all, part of the purpose is to get to know her as a friend! If she asks you what you like to do in your free time, will you be able to tell her without going into "special interest" mode and talking for a really long time about one thing you love? (Hope that's an inoffensive question - obviously I don't know exactly how your AS manifests itself!)

I'm trying to think of the topics I talked about last time I met up with someone in a bar with a view to making friends. Um... I'd moved to the area fairly recently, so we talked about where I'd lived before, where she'd lived before, what we liked about the city we lived in now. If you don't know, you could ask your friend if she grew up in your area or if she came from somewhere else originally, which would open up that conversation. I also asked her about her job, which turned out to be very interesting, and I told her a bit about what I did for a living before becoming a stay-home mother.

What mightyzebra means by "listen" is whatever your friend talks about, just try to focus on that topic and expand on it until the other person seems tired of it. Because chances are if they are talking about it, they won't mind discussing or hearing more details from you about it. If you don't know about the topic, just try to admit, in a slightly laughing at yourself sort of manner maybe, that you don't know much about the topic being discussed and try to ask questions about the topic. So, if your friend is speaking about lacrosse for example, and he/she mentions stick and you have no idea that lacrosse has a stick, you can come up with a question such as what does the stick look like, how would you hold it, and how do you play the game. So if you have a hard time comign up with something on your own that may be of interest, then just let the other person lead the conversation. If neither of you leads, then you don't have to converse, lol. Or you could just say something like I'm sorry if the silence is awkward, but I just don't have anything to say right now.

I hope this clarifies what "listen" can mean more.