Relieved to not socialize and then feeling lonely

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Does anyone else feel this or am I just totally off?

I am content for the most part in my life, socialize very little, have my routine and my dogs and am okay. But at times I see groups laughing together or people together and I feel so left out and lonely and wish I had that. It seems that I want it for only that moment, but I know I'm not willing to do what it takes to have that in my life all the time.

I *could* make a big effort and join groups and go out and really make a nuisance of myself and insert myself into some sort of activity but then I would have the obligation, people calling, dealing with others when I don't want to deal with them, having them intrude on my routine and interrupt my personal time. That sounds selfish when I see it typed out. Is it selfishness or is it AS?

Isn't it the nature of the beast to yearn for the relationships while purposely staying on the outside of the circle?

It's definitely AS. Some of us crave company but don't seek it. Weird, huh? We weigh the good and the bad and often end up on the side where we simply reject it even though we think it would be nice from time to time. It's that darn black & white thinking working against us, prevent us from people interrupting our agenda. Such is our fate.

Yeah I do too, but then I realize they're probably doing/laughing about something stupid or uninteresting to me. You're always bound by their schedule or their vibrations anyways, so it would affect my decision making process and take up time doing the things I like to do. Plus I'm nice to a fault and it's hard to say no to people sometimes because I want to help everyone, and a lot of people can be cunning and untruthful, and it's hard to distinguish between truth and lies when you're just getting to know someone. Maybe I just have a problem letting people in - I don't know. But I enjoy being lonely for the most part. An example is my neighbor came knocking at my door the other day and we're supposedly friends, but he asked if he could have some cream so I said sure. He comes back with half of my cream and I didn't say anything at first, since he bolted away once he gave it back to me. So next time he comes to my door for anything I'm going to tell him I'm not a Safeway. Same with my other neighbors. People tend to take advantage of "nice" people...

And there's this event i was suppose to go to, to socialize with people for like a half an hour, but they said I could show up later so I didn't have to socialize. I mean... what's the point? What will I accomplish in a half an hour of talking to people?

I know exactly how you feel. I experience the same thing. I feel like I could have written your post myself.

I can definitely relate to this. On the one hand I would like to have friends and spend time with them, on the other hand the minimal 'socialising' I am forced to do at work is just about all I can take so I need some down time in the evenings and to work on my music, study, etc. I don't want to give that up. It's not so much a lack of motivation but a need to have protected time. Unfortunately this comes at a cost. A possible solution (if you can find a friend who would be amenable) might be to have clearly defined boundaries, so that you spend time on the first wednesday of the month or something like that and no more, and they understand that they can't just call or drop round univited or make any more demands on your time than you have agreed. If you can find a friend that would appreciate this it may work out, although I've found many people would not like this as the structure would put them off, they just tend to want to ring people and chat whatever time of day whenever they want

@earthmom

I'm not a female lol (check my profile)

I have lived all of my life though with females. From a single mom, grandmother, great grandmother etc. until I had to leave all of
the bad situations and live on my own. So perhaps a lot of the female personalities rubbed off on me, I've never had
a strong male figure in my life.

Don't worry yourself - I feel EXACTLY the same way you do. The thought of staying in my room on the computer this Friday night really gives me a thrill, but when the time comes I feel quite angry at myself for not going out with my brother and his mates (which is an opportunity). But at the same time I want to see my brother going out of the door and then thinking ''ohh, thank God I don't have to go out aswell, I can just stay in my room and be myself and curl up in bed early and get lost in my films/cartoons!'' But then I think, ''oh my God I feel so pathetic just wanting to sit alone in my room and missing the chance to meet others, they must think I'm a right sad loner! I feel like a 70-year-old pensioner!'' Then I have to endure the next day when my cousins come over and just sit there talking about what happened last night at the pub for hours. They all seem to have so many shenanigans that happen to them during one night in a pub that it all gets so boring to listen to. But I feel like I should have gone out last night with them so I would have ONE THING in common with them!

It's hard coming from a family where there are so many cousins who are all into the same thing: going out and drinking. Can't they find anything else to do with their lives too, like maybe get jobs or do some sort of beneficial activity? But no, it always has to be drinking!

I do feel guilty for saying this but sometimes I just wish I never had any cousins, or if I did I just wish there was only very few and they were either way older than me or I didn't see them hardly at all or they had a disability or they were just quiet and weren't into socialising and were more into studying hard and getting a good job. Having extroverts for cousins and having them coming up and having them hanging out together with my brother just kind of stops me from wanting to live life how I want to live it. I'd rather just surround myself with older relatives, or my friends who are my age (but they aren't into clubbing and drinking anyway). If I had less cousins and weren't all into the same thing, I think I would be happier and not let myself get sucked into NT socialisation conformity so much.

I hate routine, as I find it really depressing.

The rest however, I can agree with. I just don't know where to start.

It's not just avoiding it all because it's socialising. It's more so because I am in an anxious state of mind more than normal, and I am looking for a job but can't find one and keep getting rejected with every job that I go for, and there are other worries that I have got that make me think socialising at night is the last thing I want to do. It's all right of them, some of them are in secure jobs and others are just happy being dossers, but I want a steady job so I can feel more secure, then maybe I might be in a more happier frame of mind to go out and meet people. But at the moment, because of all this anxiety I suffer with and being unemployed makes it even worse, I prefer to do social activities with the few friends that I have got during the day, and just shut the world away at night (especially on week-end nights) and forget it all by reading a good book or writing a good story or having a nice relaxing bath or watching a good film/cartoon in bed, rather than having to go out and put on this relaxed happy front and socialise.

I know what you mean. Most of the times it seems that other people want to do things I find boring, like drinking, bar hopping or strip clubs. All that ends up happening for me in these situations is that I sit there sober and have nothing in common with the other people I am around. I would much rather be at home working on a project, or in someone else's garage helping them put together a car. It's not that I am antisocial, it's that I am anti-normal socializing situations.