Interference in Social Affairs (i.e. What should Aaron Do?)

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This has been on my mind for the past week.

Consider the following situation:

On Thursday of last week, I am (randomly) placed in a group in one of my classes with Girl x and Girl y.

Eventually, we get into conversation. This alone is quite a miracle, but consider that Girl x and I have been on what I would say good terms. As in, if we crossed paths, say, at lunch or between classes, we would acknowledge that we exist.

Eventually we get to talking about social behavior. Something I normally don't talk about with people in high school - I'm still confused as to what stimuli made me know that that was an acceptable topic of discussion in that situation.

Which brings us here (all dialogue following is gently paraphrased):
Girl y: I've found it hard to meet people at this school... we should be, um, friends. (she hands over the matrix in the back of her agenda where socialite students jot down their acquaintances' numbers)
Me: Yeah, I see where you're coming from. I've noticed that you sit alone in the cafeteria.
Girl y: Not in the cafeteria...
Me: But you get the gist of what I'm saying.
Girl y: Yeah, you're right. But I sort of like it. I've begun to do homework at lunch...

And so on, so on, so on.

On Friday, I end up in conversation with girl x in another class which we share, which briefly touched upon what was said on Thursday:
Girl x: Did you sit with girl Y at lunch today?
Me: No. (I had never really thought of it.) Do you think it would be a good idea? Do you think she needs it? (Note that I was genuinely asking this, sort of to decipher her thought process. When these words are written, they seem to ocnjure up a sarcastic, I-don't-need-you mood, but I did not ask the question with one in mind)
Girl x Yeah, I think so. You should go sit with her... ...

I hold the belief that anyone sitting alone in the cafeteria (or outside, to be technical here) does it for some deliberate reason or another. Sitting with girl y would be, in my theory, interfering in her personal, private time. Thus explaining the thread title.

She's not been at school during this short week, but I'm imagining she'll be back on next Monday, after the holidays.

Do you think I should follow the advice I was given on Friday? I've been weighing both sides of the matter quite seriously, and I really need some advice from others as to what is, in the end, the best choice.

Would you enjoy sitting with her at lunch?There is a possibility that girl y told girl x that she really likes you and wants to get to know you better(girls often love to play matchmaker).I totally relate to your logic behind not wanting to interfere in someones "private space".I prefer reading to most chit-chat but then again....I am an aspie,she probably isnt.My thinking that everyone values their private space is based on my projection of what I prefer.On the other hand.I think if someone had sat quietly with me in the lunch room while I read,I would have found it comforting.Maybe?

Just realized,I dont have an answer,just more questions....sorry.

I think you should definitely sit with her. She basically said "Let's be friends" to you. You should follow up on it. Bringing up the cafetaria, means that she wants someone to sit with her. Her saying she liked it cus she could do homework was, in my opinion, a cover up so she didnt look like too much of a "loser" sorry I hate to use that word but you know what I mean. And especially with her friend confirming it. If you do nothing you will lose her but if you make a move and sit with her you could gain a friend. What's the worst that could happen?
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Kate

Walk over, say Hi, and ask "May I sit with you?"

Its considered so polite and thoughtful that she will likely change her mind, even if she would normally mind. She will be intrigued. Dont forget to ask the second time, and so on, until she tells you not bother asking(which means yes, anytime you like).

Any females want to back me up?

Please pardon if these responses seem excessive or redundant. Sometimes the best way to come towards a decision is to think it through. It has been very refreshing to hear your viewpoints on the story; sometimes a new perspective can look at things far better.

Don't worry about that, asking questions only helps one better understand his or her feelings or reasoning. Now does the question move from "Should I" to "Would I enjoy it?" - something my mind looking from a purely social perspective would never have thought of.

Probably I would enjoy it... maybe I would enjoy it... I seemed to get along with her, but what can be said from brief encounters?

I guess that one does not know until one tries.

As for the "she might like you" tangent - that's very possible, as I have heard girls in middle school fantasize marriages with various people, both real and celebrity, but my rule is not to be an idealist.

Good point in that she might not be an Aspie and her social viewpoints may be much different tham mine. It might be a good idea to follow Atticus Finch's advice here and try to walk in her shoes, however they fit my feet. To pose a question to who(m)ever might be reading this: Do you think she would mind? Be offended? Prefer my being there?



Probably this is easily the most optimistic piece of advice I have so far been given. And what is the worst that could happen?

Your words mirror the words of my parents, who say that it is solely my responsibility alone to keep friends. This is contrary to my theory that because I am the intruder on existing social structures and standards, that it is the other person's interest in me that is the definining factor, and the burden of beginning the friendship is on their shoulders until it becomes mutual.

Going off topic there...

As for the cafeteria, I brought it up, so I can't bring any new insight on the idea that it was a plea for help. It's a strange thing to bring up, I know, but the reasoning behind it was as follows:
some people, when they complain about having no social life, being depressed, wanting to jump off the Jamestown Bridge, do it to gain attention - they'll say it, and then they'll be hanging out with their thirty friends. By acknowledging the fact about the cafeteria, I am trying to sort out to myself how valid I can consider her statement. As for doing work, I never thought about it being a coverup; I myself read and do homework during my lunch period, so there could be more personal bias flowing into the situation.

If I make the move on Monday or Tuesday of this week I will come back and report the success or lack thereof.



Interesting strategy, I might, in fact be implementing this.

Future suggestions to how it would be best for me to use this opportunity are always appreciated. I have no idea whether I'll want to analyze them in this depth again, but I will take them into great consideration.

Which, in fact, I did.

And thus have I been eating lunch... er, better word choice here... spending lunch period in social interactions with her for three days so far.

More and more does it seem like intervention was the correct decision, contrary to my theories on social behavior.

Way to go! Can you tell us anything else about it? Do you ask to sit each day? Did she say see you tomorrow?

Good job aleclair, it brought a smile to my face to see that you took the plunge and have made a new friend. Relationships with other people are hard enough for "normal" people, much less us aspers. But one important thing to remember is that 90 percent of the time the amount of thought we put into analyzing what other people is many times great then the amount of thought they used before saying it.

I feel for your situation on the whole as I could have seen myself typeing the exact same thing when I was in highschool. Highschool is one giant social situation, a varitable obsticale course for us aspers. The best peice of advice that I could give anyone is don't be afraid to offend other people. Many things that we would consider rude are quite exceptable by normal people.

I'm in my late twenties and even though I've got the ettiguete of social interaction down pat I still have trouble over coming the shear paralizing fear of instigating social interation. I am curious to hear how this works out for you and wish you good luck.