Anyone feel lonely for years??

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I'm 19, I haven't had a close friend in six years, and I've never kissed a girl. Even other nerds and emos thought I was weird. There was even another kid with AS that said I was too weird for him! My last close friend was this 400 pound guy that made stupid perverted jokes and I only put up with it since he pretended to be nice to me. I went to a camp with him on the other side of the state and he started bullying me there. This was when I was 13 and now I found out he has a girlfriend (I guess cause he's a bad boy)?

Anyways, I thought college would be better but it's the same. There was this quiet girl that I liked and wanted to work on a project with and all seemed to be going well but one day I saw her eating lunch with someone and asked if I could sit next to them, and she just looked at me but the other person said yes and next thing I know she abandoned me without telling me in advance setting me behind four weeks. I almost killed myself. I swallowed a whole bottle of tylenol but someone saw me and called 911. I wish nobody saw me because now I feel lonely again.

What should I do?

First off, please don't hurt yourself, let alone kill yourself. It would devastate those who care about your (even if they might not understand you or be perfect). It will snuff out your--in my opinion--one and only chance at Life.

No second-chances, do-overs or mulligans (all due respect to any Hindus or Buddhists).

No afterlife (all due respect to those of the Abrahamic Tradition).

If you kill yourself, that's it. Whatever chance you had at happiness, contentedness, creativity--love, even--will be gone forever. Totally Lost. (I respect others' attitudes and beliefs, but they aren't mine; I can only speak for myself).

Do you see a therapist or talk to anyone regularly about yourself and your issues?

Do you exercise at all? Eat right? Drink enough water?

These things, while important to everyone, are of vital, f___ing importance to me. I simply NEED to do these things. My brain is out of whack and requires the emotion-regulating/normalizing action of a good diet and a sufficient amount (for me, a lot) of regular exercise. Exercise is just one example of a positive/constructive routine (or, if you like, compulsion) one can establish.

(Before I get any further along: I think reaching out and asking, like you're doing now, is a good sign and a good move. I do not do it enough myself, though I'm trying harder to talk to others and take better care of myself.)

Also, to answer your initial question: Yes, I've felt alone for much/most of my life. Even at wildly different points in my life. I used to write if off as Existential Dread, the human condition, what-have-you... Apparently not everyone feels this way to the same degree and for the same duration(s).

- I felt that way through most/all of Middle School, through most of High School, and, at times, in College.
- I felt that way during an otherwise great period in my life; one of 6-8 years of pretty positive growth/attitude/etc. Smack dab in the middle of that, a depression to the point of suicidal thoughts emerged.
- I've felt that way post-College, in my working/married life. I actually made a little outburst last night, to the effect of: "Do you know what it's like, to have no one... No One... to relate to or understand me? Do one who really gives a sh_t about the sh_t I'm interested in?" It was quite the pity party, I must say. But Hell, sometimes an outburst from me is a good sign; a sign that I'm not just bottling everything in, never able to process it because I lack perspective on myself. Talking is important, even if it's not always pretty or fun.

For what it's worth, I'm 31. I've diagnosed myself with AS, OCD (w/ trichotillomania) and have a history of depression, as well as alcohol and substance abuse. I've had suicidal thoughts on and off from probably around 12-13 years old to as recent as 6 months ago. I've had two romantic relationships, the second and current one being with my wife of 3 years. Both times, they picked me out. The first time was in high school, the second time was in a 12-step group. If it wasn't for this, I honestly don't think I'd be in a relationships. I've only asked a girl/woman out twice in my life, and it didn't go well...

I guess, if I had to say "how I did it," it would be that I had to be compelled (or, preferably, impelled) to be around groups of people over a long enough period of time to where they could get to know me and, perhaps, get past (or used to) my eccentricities.

I still remember trying to make eye contact with a girl in college; I apparently wasn't doing it right, 'cause she mouthed, very slowly: "Stop Looking At Me" from across the class. I can still feel the embarrassment; the blushing... the nausea and rejection. That's probably the one and only time I was every actually able to read that kind of "girl talk" of mouthing words across the room. I picked a helluva time to nail it.

Don't give up. Keep trying. Keep asking for help. Do things that are good for you, even if they are hard to do and bring some anxiety. Take small steps. Try to be realistic and not expect too much, too fast. If you can get involved in some sort of activity that forces regular social interaction, I found that it really helps me, even if was really uncomfortable at first.

Regards and best wishes.

I'm 18 and am going into my senior year in high school, and I've experienced some of the same things you have mentioned.

In middle school, I had no friends and made claims that I wanted to kill myself, but fortunately I never actually had the stomach for suicide.

In my freshman year in high school, things got really bad. Still friendless while also dealing with other personal problems left me in a broken, emotional state. I got called "creepy," "nerdy," "awkward," etc. and was routinely bullied due to my inability to cope with other students. My freshman year was when I really did feel like killing myself for real.

One year later when I entered the 10th grade, things began to gradually improve. I actually manged to, despite a lack of true friends still, meet a nice girl whom I swiftly became friends with and was even close to.

And in the 11th grade, I finally managed to make actual friends and by then my social skills had improved considerably, if still being rather "primitive" compared to other students.

I've learned to accept who I am, even when I mess up.

Please, don't try to end your own life. I'm speaking as someone roughly your same age. It ain't worth it, and eventually life will gradually improve for you if one remains persistent.

I would agree with the notion that there is no afterlife; we've only got one life-let's make the best of it. Truly live life to the fullest.

Thanks guys I just had a tough day but I feel better now

There was one point where I eventually bottled up because the people around me eventually said "Shut up, I don't want to hear it." I interpreted this is never moan and whine and complain. The only problem is like I alluded to: I bottled up everything. I lost friends when I finally let it all out. Assuming you have no one to talk to or that you have no one to listen to you is usually not true. Your friends just want you to be happy.
I'd say get out there and find some groups that you can share some common interests with.

Lonliness is terrible. I too know how it is, hard to make friends, invisible to women, feeling of utter failure and hopelessness. I would love to give you advice but my only advice would be to not be like me. I had a few good friends through middle school and high school, but after we graduated, we all split up across the country and never kept in touch, while I stayed in the same place as I have always been. I have been really shy/quiet my whole life. Women never noticed me or seemed to want to talk to me. Attempted to find someone to care about me through those years and never could, always just invisible. Been depressed for well over a decade now and it doesn't go away.

I thought that maybe it was my personality. I have been known by people my whole life as being one of the nicest most helpful people they know, but nobody wnats to get to know "me." I had the bright idea to start smoking weed and hoped that would change me. I did heavily for 6 years untill I almost died since I messed something up inside me that makes my heart not work correctly sometimes. Then kept going back trying to burn the pain and who I was away and had 3 other "episodes" untill I finally decided to just be sober. Also did this with alcohol and had alcohol poisoning once, lots of passing out, etc. I don't do anything anymore since I realized that I was only temporarily removing the pain and as soon as it all weared off, I was back to where I was. Had thoughts of ending, running my car into a pole, but never could or would do it.

All this because I could never connect with people, nobody wants to know the real me. A lot of "friends" that would rip me off or only contact me when they wanted something because they knew I would always help no matter what. Doormat as they say. I walked away from all of that and now I am extremely lonely. I have no relationship skills, never had a girlfriend, never had sex, and I'm 27. I'm not ugly, I am really fit, somewhat muscular, not an as*hole, hopeless romantic, always thinking of others, just invisible. With my lack of social skill at my age, women walk away or avoid you. My best chances were when I was f****d up but that is not the answer. No self esteem and nobody to talk to is horrible. I am almost positive I will die alone. And I believe 100% that depression and all this hurts the physical you and contributes to health problems. All I want is for someone to care for me, hell, I haven't even had a hug from someone in many years other than family. No contact or love is not good. The only thing that has somewhat worked for me is to be constantly busy. Running a business and working 90+ hours a week keeps my mind from thinking about it all the time. But it is still there and never goes away. I even was desperate enough to try craigslist to meet someone. My problem is that I am too honest, I open up when I shouldn't because I have bottled it up for my whole life that I cannot do it anymore, never having anyone to confide in, just cannot do it anymore. And the sad part is that nobody knows I am this way, the ones I try to let know have left since I am not "normal", so I am really good at making everything seem ok to people.

So instead of reading all my BS, here are the key things from my experience:

-drugs and alcohol are only temporary band-aids
-burying yourself in work and things to do, another temporary band-aid
-push yourself to be out there

hope it works out for you, I really do

I completely relate to you. I'm almost 20 and I've never had a boyfriend/close friend group and social activity overall makes me really anxious. It's so tough and every day is a constant struggle to push oneself to reach out and make eye contact and be "friendly," ect.

Do parties/large social situations/too much socialization make you anxious?

Yep, I do...but only because friends live too far/busy with GF/other friends.

I actually don't see a point in terms of life's goals, but I try to keep myself occupied.

I think you should try to seek help from a college counselor and or mental health specialist and explain to them about your social acceptance problems. Being socially ostracized, tormented, and exploited is extremely painful (and I've suffered from these problems too), but killing yourself is never a good solution. There should be some ways to make the transition from "social ostracized" to "social accepted", but it takes some time. So once again, seek help from a college counselor and or mental health specialist right away.

i think it's the same for all of us...even i find it very difficult to relate with my peers..and actually i feel like its worse with girls!

Yeah maybe i don't have a problem when it comes to being friends with guys because usually they are the ones to approach you but then i've always pushed all of them away..so i don't see if there's any hope in that section either.

But then like solo said you have to try really hard..but don't try to kill yourself it's just not worth it.

stumbling_forward: your post is immensely helpful to me. Printing this and saving. Would carve it into stone if I had the means!