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JustEmbers
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25 Jul 2012, 10:43 pm

Okay, if you're homophobic please just skip this. So, if someone could help me interpret a social/text interaction I just had I would appreciate it. A few months ago I was at the playground at our apartment complex with my daughter. She made friends w/ another little girl and, huge surprise, I made friends w/ the girl's mom. Now, her best friend is a guy and he seemed pretty cool too. Well, her friend had to leave town for work not long after we met, so he doesn't know much about me. Tonight I texted her a funny pic I saw, but she doesn't get pic messages, so she told me to send it to his phone. I did, and we started texting. He asked if he could program in my number so we could text and I said "sure" and thought nothing of it. Then he told me he'd always wanted to ask me for my number but was too nervous... I'm a lesbian, so I gently asked if she had told him that I'm not into guys. He said no but that "it's all good." I said good because he seemed cool and more friends is never bad. Question: it's probably not "all good," is it? This isn't a situation where "yay, I've made a new friend" would apply, is it?


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JustEmbers
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25 Jul 2012, 10:50 pm

PS this has happened a few times before and I never hear from them again, sooooo yeah. Problem is, I'm friends with his best friend and they live together in our complex. My daughter and I go with her and her daughter to our kids gymnastics class every week (I don't drive), so serious awkwardness would be a very big issue.


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WhiteWidow
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25 Jul 2012, 11:00 pm

The guy sounded too pushy for saying something like that without getting any signs from you. I would say it's more awkward for him than it is for you. I would talk to your girl friend about the situation, or maybe not at all and play it cool - because quite frankly the awkward ball is in your court.



JustEmbers
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26 Jul 2012, 10:02 am

Thanks, I think you're right. I just have so few friends that the prospect of a new friend is sort of a big deal for me. You're right though. I didn't do anything to feel awkward or embarrassed about, so I won't.


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iammaz
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26 Jul 2012, 11:29 am

It could just be all cool.

I could see myself doing what he did without meaning anything 'sinister'.

or is it different because i'm here? tho i also dont trust guys.



JustEmbers
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26 Jul 2012, 2:08 pm

I didn't/don't think he meant anything sinister at all, I just wasn't sure if he was just not being rude (didn't want to come off sounding angry/homophobic/disappointed that I'm not interested) but still probably won't be interested in being just a friend and therefore I shouldn't text him to say "hey, what's up" like one does with aquaintences and friends, or whether maybe it really is no big deal and I should persue friendship with him (he really does seem like a very cool person and someone whose friendship would be great to have). That's all. I don't want to come across as clueless in assuming we could still be friends if what he said was code for "I'm too proud to act bothered by that, but I don't see us having anything more to say to eachother" or whatever.


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iammaz
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26 Jul 2012, 7:16 pm

i dont think there is any problem in texting him as a friend. i dont really see why he'd have been bothered by what you said anyway. hopefully its clear now that all he's going to get is a friendship and if he doesnt want that he wont reply to any messages.
dont stress about it. :)



JustEmbers
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28 Jul 2012, 6:45 pm

Thanks :)


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Morningstar
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01 Aug 2012, 11:38 pm

Maybe you could eradicate all awkwardness by just asking him up-front if he actually wants to be friends, or if he was just being nice to you in the face of rejection. That's probably not the standard way of solving things, but it seems the most straightforward to me.



Intrepid_Squirrel
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02 Aug 2012, 3:38 am

I think it might've been social embarrassing for him which makes it awkward.
1. He might think you just said that as soft rejection.
or
2. He's embarrassed that a person that isn't attracted to him figured out he is attracted to her.

Just be honest and direct. Clear the air. If you really want to make friends with the guy (which I think you have to seeing how he's living with your friend), it's the only way.
I'm not sure how sensitive of a person the guy might be (but still, clearly it seems like his ego is bruised).

I'd say do it sooner. The longer it lasts, the more awkward it will be salvage it.