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deltafunction
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20 Aug 2012, 6:52 am

So I met this guy who is in his late 20s when I am in my early 20s, so he is somewhat older than me. We exchanged contact info because we both had AS and worked at the same workplace. But now I am really uncomfortable with the way he is approaching me, especially because I have already told him that I have a boyfriend. He texts me every other day asking what I am doing or if I am busy. He will ask me on facebook chat to call him without me even saying anything. He will text me randomly and ask me if I want to go for a walk or hang out, when we don't even live close to each other. He will ask me to web cam chat with him when I am alone at home. I've honestly never had anyone contact me this frequently who wasn't interested in dating me, so I feel very uncomfortable. I know he has AS though, so how do I let him know that this is making me feel uncomfortable, or is borderline harassment?



kate123A
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20 Aug 2012, 7:02 am

tell him you would prefer him to call at certain times and that you can only talk for 10-15 minutes and make time for him, you, and your boyfriend to hang out.

He sounds lonely and you might be his only friend. You might mention a few social things where he could meet other people and hopefully make other friends.

If you really think it's harassment and not loneliness tell him you are now uncomfortable with him and tell him exactly why.



deltafunction
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22 Aug 2012, 4:29 pm

kate123A wrote:
tell him you would prefer him to call at certain times and that you can only talk for 10-15 minutes and make time for him, you, and your boyfriend to hang out.

He sounds lonely and you might be his only friend. You might mention a few social things where he could meet other people and hopefully make other friends.

If you really think it's harassment and not loneliness tell him you are now uncomfortable with him and tell him exactly why.


So I've tried this... and 1) my boyfriend does not want to hang out with him, so it would be just me and the friend
2) He is still asking me at a moments notice if I can hang out or call him, including when I am at work. I've already told him when I am working, and it is regular hours, so it should really be no surprise that I cannot hang out when he asks me to. I've tried setting a date in advance when I know I can make it, but so far, he doesn't reply to those invitations. I don't really know anyone else his age or that I know he might get along with. I don't do many group activities, so I don't know if that would be an option.



lostgirl1986
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22 Aug 2012, 6:48 pm

deltafunction wrote:
kate123A wrote:
tell him you would prefer him to call at certain times and that you can only talk for 10-15 minutes and make time for him, you, and your boyfriend to hang out.

He sounds lonely and you might be his only friend. You might mention a few social things where he could meet other people and hopefully make other friends.

If you really think it's harassment and not loneliness tell him you are now uncomfortable with him and tell him exactly why.


So I've tried this... and 1) my boyfriend does not want to hang out with him, so it would be just me and the friend
2) He is still asking me at a moments notice if I can hang out or call him, including when I am at work. I've already told him when I am working, and it is regular hours, so it should really be no surprise that I cannot hang out when he asks me to. I've tried setting a date in advance when I know I can make it, but so far, he doesn't reply to those invitations. I don't really know anyone else his age or that I know he might get along with. I don't do many group activities, so I don't know if that would be an option.


You might just have to put your foot down and start ignoring him. I know it may be awkward because you work with him but if you can just tell him that many of the things he's asking you to do wouldn't be right without your boyfriend there. I think there might be a way to block him in Facebook chat.



deltafunction
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22 Aug 2012, 8:47 pm

lostgirl1986 wrote:

You might just have to put your foot down and start ignoring him. I know it may be awkward because you work with him but if you can just tell him that many of the things he's asking you to do wouldn't be right without your boyfriend there. I think there might be a way to block him in Facebook chat.


Yes.. My boyfriend is getting really upset about his behaviour now, and so this seems like the only option I have right now. I just gave in and hung out with the friend for two hours because of what I thought was an emergency. He said that he needed relationship advice and me to "meet someone special" (his mom... long story). Anyways, instead, he spent most of the time asking me personal questions and it felt like an interrogation, then he would also compliment me way too much for him to not be interested. When he did mention the relationship thing, he wanted me to set him up with a coworker of mine, instead of asking for advice.

Ugh, this is a huge mess. And I know that he is going to text me a lot more now, because I am giving in. I am going to ignore him for a while. And thanks for the facebook chat tip.



deltafunction
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22 Aug 2012, 8:57 pm

Oh, and as for the loneliness, from what he's told me, he seems to have lots of friends and people who care about him, so I really don't know why he would suddenly bombard me with messages asking to hang out or chat one on one unless he was interested. And especially because I am in a relationship, there are boundaries.



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22 Aug 2012, 9:03 pm

deltafunction wrote:
lostgirl1986 wrote:

You might just have to put your foot down and start ignoring him. I know it may be awkward because you work with him but if you can just tell him that many of the things he's asking you to do wouldn't be right without your boyfriend there. I think there might be a way to block him in Facebook chat.


Yes.. My boyfriend is getting really upset about his behaviour now, and so this seems like the only option I have right now. I just gave in and hung out with the friend for two hours because of what I thought was an emergency. He said that he needed relationship advice and me to "meet someone special" (his mom... long story). Anyways, instead, he spent most of the time asking me personal questions and it felt like an interrogation, then he would also compliment me way too much for him to not be interested. When he did mention the relationship thing, he wanted me to set him up with a coworker of mine, instead of asking for advice.

Ugh, this is a huge mess. And I know that he is going to text me a lot more now, because I am giving in. I am going to ignore him for a while. And thanks for the facebook chat tip.


You could try writing him an email letter explaining how his behaviour makes you feel unconformable etc. You could also mention that your boyfriend is upset by his actions......... I would probably just end up ignoring him though too. :(



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22 Aug 2012, 10:27 pm

daydreamer84 wrote:
deltafunction wrote:
lostgirl1986 wrote:

You might just have to put your foot down and start ignoring him. I know it may be awkward because you work with him but if you can just tell him that many of the things he's asking you to do wouldn't be right without your boyfriend there. I think there might be a way to block him in Facebook chat.


Yes.. My boyfriend is getting really upset about his behaviour now, and so this seems like the only option I have right now. I just gave in and hung out with the friend for two hours because of what I thought was an emergency. He said that he needed relationship advice and me to "meet someone special" (his mom... long story). Anyways, instead, he spent most of the time asking me personal questions and it felt like an interrogation, then he would also compliment me way too much for him to not be interested. When he did mention the relationship thing, he wanted me to set him up with a coworker of mine, instead of asking for advice.

Ugh, this is a huge mess. And I know that he is going to text me a lot more now, because I am giving in. I am going to ignore him for a while. And thanks for the facebook chat tip.


You could try writing him an email letter explaining how his behaviour makes you feel unconformable etc. You could also mention that your boyfriend is upset by his actions......... I would probably just end up ignoring him though too. :(


I'd take daydreamer's advice first. If that doesn't work, ignore him. I don't see this ending any other way either.


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deltafunction
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23 Aug 2012, 6:21 am

AScomposer13413 wrote:
daydreamer84 wrote:

You could try writing him an email letter explaining how his behaviour makes you feel unconformable etc. You could also mention that your boyfriend is upset by his actions......... I would probably just end up ignoring him though too. :(


I'd take daydreamer's advice first. If that doesn't work, ignore him. I don't see this ending any other way either.


K so for now, I will reply about it not being right without my boyfriend around, or if that doesn't work, that my boyfriend is uncomfortable with his actions. I'll see if that works, and while I'm at it, ask for help wording an email.



deltafunction
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23 Aug 2012, 6:25 am

My boyfriend is getting mad that I am even still responding to his messages. He says that most committed girls would just ignore him.

By the way, thanks for your help so far guys.



MetalAspie
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23 Aug 2012, 5:48 pm

Call him out on being a creep and tell him that he can't do what he's doing. Threaten to never speak to him again if he keeps acting the way he does, or better yet, just stop speaking to him.



deltafunction
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23 Aug 2012, 8:22 pm

So I did take action.

I talked to other people at my workplace and it turns out that he has been infatuated with other females at my workplace before. No one else was stupid enough to give their contact info out :oops: So I told him straight up that he is texting me too much and it is making me uncomfortable, and that we can only hang out at work. So far, he hasn't contacted me again.