why are young nt women so hard to make friends with

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billiscool
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27 Sep 2012, 11:42 pm

I've gotten along and have made friends with NT men, aspie/autism men and women, Older nt women(40 and older).
However nt women who are under 40 are very hard for me to make friends with.
I am a ''crazy guy'' but when I talk to nt men they can ''adjust'' to my personality.
Older women for some reason are just nice and very talkative to me.
But young nt women can't adjust to my personality.

here an example I work at job with disable people: all the male stuff are very cool and can get along with all the ''folks'' there.
The older female staff too. Both male and older female staff are fun and know how to ''adjust their personality'' to the ''folks'' there.
However the younger female staff just look bored and never know how to talk to the ''folks''. They have more strict personality and
take stuff too serious.
Not just at my job but even in real life nt women are just too serious



Chris71
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28 Sep 2012, 2:37 am

Younger NT women are more aware of peer-group pressure, that presses them to conform to these standards:
As a girl, you
- don't be seen talking to a guy with any impediments, disabilities, quirks, lack of desirable appearance, or even just a normal looking guy; you will be seen as 'weak' by your peers.
- don't be seen by your peers (girly friends & colleagues) to appear 'keen' to any guy. Keenness means that you (as a girl) are interested in lower life-forms than the imaginary super-life form species that your peer group looks up to (sort of 'superman' or some imaginary ultra confident guy with supernatural powers that of course doesn't exist). Because a girl might show interest in someone who's merely 'normal' , their peers will look down on that girl as having too-low standards.
- As a young woman, *do* be seen by your peers to be constantly pestered by lots of good looking guys, and give off the impression to your peers that you can't get rid of them. That way you're giving off the impression that your standards are as high as theirs (i.e. all in the imagination) and as a girl you are not losing points to the guys, you're constantly scoring points by putting down guys who might be seen as interested in you. Remember one of the largest impediments of neurotypical personalities is a higher desire for conformity to peers groups, rather than interest in what's truly beneficial to oneself.

The first time I picked up a girl in a night club was when I was acting a bit arrogant and showing absolutely zero interest in girls that were dancing around me. Meanwhile lots of 'losers' (as they were perceived by the girls) and wussy guys were showing their admiration for these sexy young ladies in skimpy clothes. I was seen as the 'desirable' one because I was not showing the slightest bit of interest in the the girls, and I was deliberately ignoring their advances. Instead of giving away all my points, I wasn't going to give them any at all. It's the same reason as why beautiful girls date arrogant A-holes who are into voilent crime. They are exciting & unpredictable. Predictable guys are the last thing they want to be seen with by their girly peers.

As they get older (usually late 20's) they realise that this silly game isn't going to get them a serious long-lasting partner and when they see others of their age getting married then it kicks them into quitting the silly games.
When men get into their 30's it becomes a lot easier. Not because women 'lower their standards', but because many of women of similar age start to become interested in what's important to them, not what's important to their girly peers.



muslimmetalhead
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28 Sep 2012, 1:43 pm

Chris71 wrote:
Younger NT women are more aware of peer-group pressure, that presses them to conform to these standards:
As a girl, you
- don't be seen talking to a guy with any impediments, disabilities, quirks, lack of desirable appearance, or even just a normal looking guy; you will be seen as 'weak' by your peers.
- don't be seen by your peers (girly friends & colleagues) to appear 'keen' to any guy. Keenness means that you (as a girl) are interested in lower life-forms than the imaginary super-life form species that your peer group looks up to (sort of 'superman' or some imaginary ultra confident guy with supernatural powers that of course doesn't exist). Because a girl might show interest in someone who's merely 'normal' , their peers will look down on that girl as having too-low standards.
- As a young woman, *do* be seen by your peers to be constantly pestered by lots of good looking guys, and give off the impression to your peers that you can't get rid of them. That way you're giving off the impression that your standards are as high as theirs (i.e. all in the imagination) and as a girl you are not losing points to the guys, you're constantly scoring points by putting down guys who might be seen as interested in you. Remember one of the largest impediments of neurotypical personalities is a higher desire for conformity to peers groups, rather than interest in what's truly beneficial to oneself.

The first time I picked up a girl in a night club was when I was acting a bit arrogant and showing absolutely zero interest in girls that were dancing around me. Meanwhile lots of 'losers' (as they were perceived by the girls) and wussy guys were showing their admiration for these sexy young ladies in skimpy clothes. I was seen as the 'desirable' one because I was not showing the slightest bit of interest in the the girls, and I was deliberately ignoring their advances. Instead of giving away all my points, I wasn't going to give them any at all. It's the same reason as why beautiful girls date arrogant A-holes who are into voilent crime. They are exciting & unpredictable. Predictable guys are the last thing they want to be seen with by their girly peers.

As they get older (usually late 20's) they realise that this silly game isn't going to get them a serious long-lasting partner and when they see others of their age getting married then it kicks them into quitting the silly games.
When men get into their 30's it becomes a lot easier. Not because women 'lower their standards', but because many of women of similar age start to become interested in what's important to them, not what's important to their girly peers.


THIS.


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Fnord
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28 Sep 2012, 2:51 pm

Chris71 wrote:
Younger NT women are more aware of peer-group pressure, that presses them to conform to these standards:
As a girl, you
- don't be seen talking to a guy with any impediments, disabilities, quirks, lack of desirable appearance, or even just a normal looking guy; you will be seen as 'weak' by your peers.
- don't be seen by your peers (girly friends & colleagues) to appear 'keen' to any guy. Keenness means that you (as a girl) are interested in lower life-forms than the imaginary super-life form species that your peer group looks up to (sort of 'superman' or some imaginary ultra confident guy with supernatural powers that of course doesn't exist). Because a girl might show interest in someone who's merely 'normal' , their peers will look down on that girl as having too-low standards.
- As a young woman, *do* be seen by your peers to be constantly pestered by lots of good looking guys, and give off the impression to your peers that you can't get rid of them. That way you're giving off the impression that your standards are as high as theirs (i.e. all in the imagination) and as a girl you are not losing points to the guys, you're constantly scoring points by putting down guys who might be seen as interested in you. Remember one of the largest impediments of neurotypical personalities is a higher desire for conformity to peers groups, rather than interest in what's truly beneficial to oneself...

In other words: "Act indifferent to everyone around you except the ones your peers might be attracted to. To them you play 'hard-to-get' in order to give the impression that you could always do better, and thus increase their interest in you."

It's part of that "You're a princess / Demand a prince" mentality that so many young girls seem to have -- both Aspie and Entie!


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StuckWithin
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30 Sep 2012, 1:55 pm

Chris 71,

Now that the thought process behind all that behavior is so clearly explained, I feel rather relieved that I never "got" any of it growing up. I used to wonder exactly the same thing. No disrespect intended to anybody, NT or otherwise, but all that social acceptability filtering is just crazy thinking!! !

Makes me happy to be a geek. The way I see life is so much simpler.

Thanks for that explanation.


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