Not "seeing"(accidentally ignore) people you know

Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

quesonrias
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 30 Dec 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 309

13 Oct 2012, 10:39 am

In a post on a different topic, I once stated,

Quote:
I have often been called snobby or aloof because I do not see people when I am in public. Many times I have been told by others that they walked up to me and said, "Hello" only to have me look right past them and keep on going. I do the same when driving, I do not recognize cars when driving by them or watch the people in the cars.


Recently, it was brought to my attention once again that someone said, "Hi," to me in a store, and I completely ignored them. It's not that I did not recognize them (I do not typically have trouble recognizing someone I know), but I do not even recall seeing this person. It is fairly typical when someone tells me this that I do not remember seeing them or hearing anyone say, "Hello!" or saying my name.

I've learned to tell people that I am very focused when shopping, and a lot of times I miss people because I am thinking about something else (my shopping list, getting out of the store, etc.). Yet, I am honestly not sure that is really what it is, it just makes for a good excuse. Because this last person did not seem to quite believe me and seemed a bit offended, I told them that a lot of times someone has to touch my arm and get my attention to snap me out of it. At least this way, if they do see me again, they might be less likely to assume I was ignoring them.

Is this something others struggle with?


_________________
If I tell you I'm unique, and you say, "Yeah, we all are," you've missed the whole point.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
RAADS-R: 187.0
Language: 15.0 • Social Relatedness: 81.0 • Sensory/Motor: 52.0 • Circumscribed Interests: 40.0

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 47 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


danmac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,652
Location: chi town burbs

13 Oct 2012, 11:03 am

when i walk into a room it takes me 10-45 seconds to reconize people, i'll walk right by my friends w/ noticing them. my close friends are used to it, but i've heard some people think i'm ignoring them. i now am very open about it and tell people my facial reconition skills suck, most people are clueless to what it is. if they don't know about it, it's not an option.


_________________
everything is funny if your looking at it right


MjrMajorMajor
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,763

13 Oct 2012, 11:11 am

I am horrible, especially when driving. I've had so many people tell me that they waved at me and cruised on by. When I'm driving, I'm focusing on the movement of the traffic so I'm usually not going to pick out someone's car or who's driving.
The other main issue I've noticed is recognizing people out of the normal context that I interact with them. I am a deer in the headlights sometimes in conversation thinking "Do I know you? What the heck is your name again?" while chatting with someone.



quesonrias
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 30 Dec 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 309

13 Oct 2012, 11:14 am

danmac wrote:
when i walk into a room it takes me 10-45 seconds to reconize people,


I wonder if that is the problem for me. Typically, I do not go a lot of places where I would not already know who I might expect to see when I arrive. The places where people tend to tell me this is when I am out in public where there are hundreds of people. I do recognize people when I am in those places, but generally, the ones I fail to recognize are usually the ones I wouldn't expect to see there (someone that lives in another town, someone that usually does not shop in that store, etc.)

Maybe being mentally prepared helps me overcome that challenge in some cases?

Does that make any sense?


_________________
If I tell you I'm unique, and you say, "Yeah, we all are," you've missed the whole point.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
RAADS-R: 187.0
Language: 15.0 • Social Relatedness: 81.0 • Sensory/Motor: 52.0 • Circumscribed Interests: 40.0

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 47 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


PTSmorrow
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2011
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 719

13 Oct 2012, 11:18 am

It's because I don't recognize living people, I only know who they are when I see their picture but can't assign the person to the image.



quesonrias
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 30 Dec 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 309

13 Oct 2012, 11:22 am

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
I am horrible, especially when driving. I've had so many people tell me that they waved at me and cruised on by. When I'm driving, I'm focusing on the movement of the traffic so I'm usually not going to pick out someone's car or who's driving.
The other main issue I've noticed is recognizing people out of the normal context that I interact with them. I am a deer in the headlights sometimes in conversation thinking "Do I know you? What the heck is your name again?" while chatting with someone.


The driving is where most of my close friends used to get me when I was younger. Now, they have learned to accept that I just do not see them or their vehicles (not in a "Oh, that's you!" sense). LOL!

Recognizing others out of context seems to be the issue for me. In the previous post I did state that do not tend to have issues in places where I know who I might expect to be there, it's in the places where I wouldn't expect them that I have trouble. Generally, if someone gets my attention, and I do not know who they are (literally, I have no context for who they are as I've not seen them in ages or only seen them a couple times), I will do my best to fake knowing. Usually, I will figure it out, but it takes some work to recall mental images and context.


_________________
If I tell you I'm unique, and you say, "Yeah, we all are," you've missed the whole point.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
RAADS-R: 187.0
Language: 15.0 • Social Relatedness: 81.0 • Sensory/Motor: 52.0 • Circumscribed Interests: 40.0

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 47 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


quesonrias
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 30 Dec 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 309

13 Oct 2012, 12:05 pm

Do any of you also have this problem with dreaming? A lot of times, I dream about people I know, but it's not them physically. I've often felt a bit guilty, like if I know them well, my mind should be able to create them, not replace them.


_________________
If I tell you I'm unique, and you say, "Yeah, we all are," you've missed the whole point.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
RAADS-R: 187.0
Language: 15.0 • Social Relatedness: 81.0 • Sensory/Motor: 52.0 • Circumscribed Interests: 40.0

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 47 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


MjrMajorMajor
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,763

13 Oct 2012, 12:08 pm

:) I hear you. I'm still trying to figure out if I was talking to a neighbor or possibly a former coworker yesterday...



glasstoria
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 468
Location: Missouri USA

13 Oct 2012, 12:45 pm

This makes sense to me. In public places I assume someone is talking to somebody else and don't look up even if someone says my name. Especially now that everyone has cell phones and headsets, there are so many coversations around me it is difficult to tell which ones are directed at me.

I hate answering someone who was actually talking to someone else, as well. :(

I think I understand the dream issue you have with identifying people. To me, people are themselves, without
a very solid physical appearance (probably because I spend little time looking directly at them), so in dreams I just know who they are because of their qualities not because of their exact likeness. An example of this is that I was looking at photos from 15 years ago, and I was surprised at how physically overweight my father was during that time period. In my memories I remember him as the qualities I associate with "father" which are the same qualities he has today, but his weight has changed significantly. What I'm trying to say is that he has remained the same in qualities and my perception of him despite his quite remarkable changes in physical appearance which apparently don't register with me at all, or are not a priority of my memory's value system.

no Idea if what i just said makes sense anyone else.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 48 of 200
EQ 12 SQ 70 = Extreme Systemizer


mljt
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 18 Aug 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 353

13 Oct 2012, 2:48 pm

I work with so many different people, and I live near to where I work, so I'm always seeing people I know and not realising it until they mention it or chase after me to chat. In the school where I work it's really difficult because there's lots of people who know me to nod to/say hi but not by name, which makes it difficult. I just smile at everyone there. Can't hurt to be friendly!

About not remembering seeing people - I think that's understandable. If you were to ask anyone what the person they walked past in aisle 2 of the supermarket yesterday was wearing or looked like, they wouldn't be able to tell you. If you don't recognise someone, they're just another person you've walked by in your memory.



Colinn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Apr 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,192

13 Oct 2012, 9:17 pm

This has happened to me quite a few times, particularly when I was younger and was in contact with more people. When I am out whether it be when I'm on my own or with someone else I tend to be more focused on where I am going rather than the people and things going on around me. But to be honest, I wouldn't want to bump into someone I know while I'm out doing something, especially if its just an acquaintance of some kind. As I'm not a fan of small talk, having to put up with pointless filler chat rather than getting on with what I intended to do would annoy me. Maybe a bit cynical, but I'm not overly social so it doesn't benefit me at all. Even if I wanted to spot someone I'm not all that good at recognizing a face from the crowd. As there is usually many others also walking passed me and like I say, my main focus is where I'm going its unlikely I will spot someone or even remember any faces I've seen.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

16 Oct 2012, 8:51 pm

In my life, i have found that I have been pretty good with names and faces for the most part provided I remember someone for a certain reason. But out in public, I may not be so focused on talking with people if I have something else on my mind or I am looking to get somewhere like all of you that I have noticed have mentioned.
However, I am intentionaly rude on occasions if the person that is trying to get my attention is someone that has hurt me in the past. Don't look at this is something that I am proud of though.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

17 Oct 2012, 7:20 am

I don't have faceblindness either, but I don't spot people because I don't look at people, due to the fear of meeting people's eyes. Yes, eye contact with strangers has turned into a big fear of mine which I avoid, exceptions are people at check-outs, or bus-drivers, train ticket inspectors, and so on. Also starting somewhere new and making eye contact with the people who I'm to get to know isn't an issue either, and at social events I'm all right with making eye contact too. It comes rather automatic without any fear or anxiety. But just passing random people in the street really makes me anxious, and I spend half my time trying to avoid making eye contact with people, which reduces my ability to pay attention on anything else, making my time out less enjoyable. So by avoiding eye contact with people, I then miss out on who's about, and I end up walking straight past people that I know. Then I worry that they think I'm being unfriendly, and I find I have to keep explaining myself.


_________________
Female


skahthic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2007
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 837
Location: Florida

20 Oct 2012, 12:26 pm

This happens all the time. Even when I try real hard to remember a person and their face, they'll cut their hair or dress differently and i won't recognize them.
I got to the point where if a person came up to me and seemed like they knew me and/or knew my name, I would pretend i recognized them until they gave enough clues so i did know or they left. This saves embarrassment but has led to potentially dangerous situations, as well.
One day I was sitting in my car after an event and a woman came up and she seemed to know me. I figured it was just me again and that i must have known her. After all, she seemed to know me. She asked for a ride a couple of miles down the road and i said sure. About a mile down the road and her talking about all kinds of stuff and people i knew nothing about, i came to the realization that she was a total stranger! I dropped her off and quickly went home.
Strangely, i do wonder if she might have thought that i was someone she knew, too.
So now i don't pretend to know people when i drive.



Spirochete
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jun 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 70

20 Oct 2012, 12:37 pm

Just this morning my roommate's boyfriend asked me why I ignore him whenever he says "Hi" to me. I genuinely never noticed he was speaking to me. There's so much going on in my head when I walk around campus that I only rarely notice the people around me. On the rare occasion I do notice someone I recognize, I'm never sure whether I should make eye contact, speak to them, etc. Sounds really stupid, I know, but I still can't figure out how I am supposed to act toward people who are aquaintances but not really friends (any ideas? I feel like I'm being rude but I don't want to seem like the campus creeper... :oops: ).