Heartbroken - just been ditched.

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If you're one of those who has major trouble empathising and just states the facts, please don't read this or post a reply. Everyone here has some degree of autism but certain people can be unsympathetic (and hurtful) because of their lack of empathy and that's the last thing I need right now.

I've just been ditched by my friends tonight and I'm heartbroken. A friend I've known since we were kids asked for my help to throw her birthday party last night, and I gave it, even though it meant hours of work on my part purely for her benefit. I went to the party and thought it was a great night - till the end. The 'after party' did not include me because a friend of the birthday girl doesn't like me. I asked the birthday girl outright what the score was, and she just said she didn't want any trouble. I said does that mean I'm not invited? She just basically said yeah, because so and so won't come if you do. I said to this other friend I was gobsmacked and she went to sympathise and then said sorry man, it's so and so's birthday - I've got to do what she wants. So I came home alone while everyone else went off to party. Just because this one girl doesn't like me. I didn't see that girl helping to throw the f***ing party?!?! If she's such a bestie, despite me having known the birthday girl for ten years longer, why didn't she help?!

I'm gutted. Truly gutted. I never want to speak to those girls again and we've been friends for years

That is horrible. I am sorry you experienced that. I can't imagine how betrayed you feel not only by her, but by all of them. I would drop them too. However I'd let them know why. Nobody wants to be accused of using someone, but friendship without loyalty is nothing. I hope things get better.

<hugs> That is horrible. I don't blame you for walking away from that--no one needs to be taken for granted.

Thank you, I'm glad you don't think I'm overreacting. They do.

Man, that sucks. It sounds like she used you, I will never understand that in people, its mean and flippant. You have my full sympathy. I know what its like to be uninvited because one person dislikes me. You are right want nothing to do with them.

Move on and get a new set of BETTER friends who appreciate the effort you put into things. Hugs.

If they can't appreciate you, I'd definitely take a step back from them if not drop them altogether. It's harder with childhood friends, but sometimes needed.

I give up trying to make new friends. If I'm supposed to be the one lacking empathy, how come it's everyone else who uses me and screws me over?!

I was going to point this out before but I think I should just tell you. People don't ever appreciate it when people put lots of effort into things. You said hours into prepping this party, bad idea. Its nice but not what friends do for each other. When you offer this much help to someone they will probably see you as lower than them and disrespect you. People are like that. As I said you would think people would appreciate it but no. Do you always help them/her out this much?

No I don't, I think I'm seen as someone you could ask for help, but I don't normally do things for her. We just hang out on and off - it's not one of those friendships where one of us buys the other loads of drinks. I know what you're saying, I've had friends before where I've felt like I have to be useful to mean something to them, but I didn't think she was like this. She can be quite selfish but I can't get past the fact that I was the friend who did everything tonight - and yet the other friend got the backstage pass!! ! She even had the cheek to tell me when she was saying I wasn't welcome that I should be grateful for her defending me earlier to the girl, telling me that the girl wanted to kill me. WTF? Bearing in mind this girl doesn't even hate for any specific reason - she just literally doesn't like me. I laughed and said I wasn't worried (and I'm genuinely not - this girl who hates me is no threat to me physically) but the 'friend' or should I say EX friend just re-iterated that it was her birthday and she didn't want any trouble. Oh right, I'M trouble am I? Me who has no problem and doesn't even frickin' notice this other girl except when my two EX friends bang on about how much she hates me!! !

You know what? I think I realise what my real problem is. Two people I thought were my best friends basically just chose another friend, the girl who hates me for no real reason, over me. They've known me longer, but basically they're saying this other girl is 'better' than me. I guess that's what you get for being an aspy hey? Awkward, too honest, pedantic, annoying... Never gonna be anyone's 'first choice'.

Grateful???

No, that girl is being a b*tch. I wouldn't befriend someone who openly admits to wanting to kill my friends either! I mean seriously, what the?!

Waaay better off without them I think you've escaped just in time.

You're doing what we do with your introspective look at what is wrong with you. Megabass is right. Those girls are damaged. Keep to the facts. You acted like a friend. They didn't. You are hurt because you know how hard it is to have a friend. They spend friendship like its a coin, only valuable if it gets you something. Never a good place to be. Stay away from damaged goods like that.

I am so sorry. It is so, so hurtful to be ditched by your friends. Honestly, it happened to me constantly from elementary school even into college-- I had one of my best friends tell me that I "was a great friend to hang out with one-on-one, but not the type of person that [she] would bring to a party". When people say things like you're a good friend to do so and so with, but I wouldn't hang out with you in front of people when we're supposed to look cool and interesting, it's not a healthy relationship.

Again, I'm so sorry that they did such a hurtful thing. It sounds like a nest of cattiness and drama and all of the girls are playing their parts in it. I recommend that you drift from them and find more genuine, straight-forward people who don't think that they need to hide you in the cupboard. You're worth more than that.

I'm sorry to hear about that betrayal. It's not fair.

So... you go out of your way for a person that doesn't appreciate it in the end. That would make me feel like s**t. I don't blame you for being upset here... all because of one person not liking you? Who do these people think they are?

Wow, that's terrible--it sounds like you were used by those girls.

The good news is that you sound like a good person... and there are many other people out there who might like you for you, not just what you do for them.