I feel so stupid around other people?

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They talk and I just sit there like a dumb butt. Like what's wrong with me? If I do say something it comes out wrong or I just end up ingoring the person....why can't I just be a bubbly person with like a million friends?

I can relate with your pain. I asked that same question my whole life. It's just something we have to learn to cope with. If a person gets in a car wreck and becomes paralyzed they might ask "why me" and state "I wish I could walk again". Acceptance of this limitation is really the only key to freedom from the dreadful emotions. We are all very unique and no-one is "normal". There may be characteristics that are common among a population of people but no normal.

Think about it this way: the whole concept of "normal" is idiotic if you break it down. Everybody is individual, no 2 humans identical therefore "normal" can't apply to the human race. If you had a population of clones and each one was identical in everyway down to the dna, than you could appropriately use the "normal" concept.

What I'm trying to get at is be yourself, quiet or not, never try to fake your behavior to mimic what you deem as idealistic.

Sometimes autism makes it hard to express what you think or feel accurately. Even without it, words sometime just come out...wrong. Or not at all. I'm sure the people around you remember very few of your mistakes or miscommunications. And being introverted can often mean creative, thoughtful, or considerate. Silence doesn't mean stupidity, and you cannot force yourself to be bubbly or extroverted. but if you are still unhappy about your conversations, I hope that you can find a way to get your point across to others.

Me too.......I only have one friend and I think she's distancing herself from me now too and I can't even get along easily with my one friend who I've been friends with for at-least 3 years and her boyfriend. I was so awkward today, when I was left alone with him there was literally dead silence until she came back. When we were all together I kept interrupting/spoke at the wrong time.....just generally screwed up.

Ha, this is the question I ask myself every day. If I tell other people how I feel about this, they just give me that usual cliche phrase ''well only you can change yourself'' (meaning I can be bubbly and have loads of friends if I tried). I wish people would realise that just being bubbly and confident is not as easy as it sounds, especially if it ain't in you to begin with. I'm a quiet person, and that's that.

It's a shame though, because even other people who are shy or claim they have social phobia still seem more able than me to engage in a conversation with a stranger at social gatherings, where as I just stand there and don't have a conversation with anybody, not even small talk. I'm just so afraid to speak up, it's just....that hard to do.

I just hope one day I will reach a point where I really don't care, and can just speak up without worrying about saying the wrong thing or being judged. But at the moment I just cannot seem to resort to that.

i would think that few people feel stupid around themselves.

I've felt exactly that all my life. And people who know I struggle with ths would offer advice in the form of, "Just relax and be yourself."

I so so hate that. I can never seem to make anyone understand that "myself" is an introspective antisocial who feels that social rituals are a mystery. So if I were to really be myself, I would literally just sit there and stare at people and think thoughts that have nothing to do with the conversation at hand.

It takes time, confidence, and exposure to really work yourself up there. Try not to be hard on yourself as quiet isn't always a bad thing, maybe the people around you appreciate you as "the quiet one".

One thing you can do is focus on one-on-one get togethers with the people you know because there's less pressure from everyone involved and conversations are a lot more straightforward and less confusing (at least through my experience).

I can relate to this, as in group conversations I'm absolutely clueless, like at work when we,8-12 of us, gather for lunch I barely say a word, and if I'm spoken to I get embarrassed regardless of what's been said and start to blush. I believe the reason for this is because I'm not exactly proud of myself, considering I look like I'm 15-16 at the age of 20, I got no friends, I still live with my parents and I suffer from depression. I feel like I haven't archived anything really, and I often tend to make myself look weaker than I actually am.

How to overcome this? I need to convince myself, that despite of my insecurities and flaws, I'm actually not that bad, regardless of what other people might think of me I shouldn't be weakening myself, I simply need to gain more confidence.

How to gain more confidence? Stay determined towards my goals in life, keep doing what I like(hobbies).

I can relate to this. A lot. I almost always feel stupid, though not as much as before.

Luckily I work around geeks, with much of the interest I have. So the topics usually revolve around things I like and feel that I am competent in. This helps a lot. And the fact that I am surrounded by nearly only nerds means that they also have some issues with this. And during my time at this place I have learned that other people do weird things ( at least I think they are weird... =P ) And that I know more than them on some topics, even though they are a lot more confident in my knowledge than I am.

So yeah, it gets better. Just focus on what you like, and get really good at it.

It's not that conversations confuse me, it's just that I'm always unsure when to join in because of the following reasons:-

1/ I might not get heard/might get interrupted
2/ I might be told ''I wasn't speaking to you!'', since people seem to feel free to say that to me but not to anybody else (2 words: double standards)
3/ For some reason I'm afraid to hear my own voice in a group
4/ I have anxiety of looking stupid
5/ People can sense my shyness and so don't bother coming up to me in the beginning to have a conversation


...so I just end up sitting there quietly like a mouse.

I've learned that saying something you have prepared/practised before you say what you want to say can both allows you to get comfortable with the fact you're about to say something as well as prepare other people for that same fact.
Like people above me are saying; accept who you are and work with that, instead of holding yourself back by the thought of not having the same tools as other people and there for not having a fair chance to begin with.

"Sorry to speak up, but; .."
"I agree/disagree with him/her saying [xxx], and/but; .."
"Hahahahaha ((fake) laugh) [Name of person], you are right, but; ..."
"Hey guys.. Hey guys.. Hey guys.. Hey guys.. (finally got people looking at you), now I have your attention listen to this; ..."
"*raises hand like sitting in class*.. .. .. *still raising hand*.. (someone laughs and asks what you want to say).. Well: .."


Secondly, being a good listener is half the work as well. Go into a conversation with the idea you don't want to say anything yourself but just want to learn what the other person has to say, and they will generally asks you questions. Going into a conversation looking like you're just awaiting your turn to have your say makes other people automatically keep talking about their stuff.

I think a lot of people have that problem here. I certainly do.

People who aren't autistic (from my experience) can't seem to comprehend why you can't talk to people like they do. They expect me to automatically make friends. *sigh* As if it was that simple.
Those people don't realize how good they have it.

What I'm trying to get at is be yourself, quiet or not, never try to fake your behavior to mimic what you deem as idealistic.[/quote]


I have a question relating to this. Please don't take offense as the information I'm trying to gather is to better help my child (has autism) succeed in life.

Why wouldn't you imitate/mimic the skills that you would like to obtain? I'm neurotypical and when I need to acquire a skill I have to practice at it, why shouldn't I teach my child to mimic or maybe model the skills that could help him not only to feel better about himself/help with job interviews,maybe a date etc. I mean after all so long he's confortable with the skill so long at least he knows what to do. Kinda like with me and math (which I hate but he loves) but i have to learn it anyways.

Thank you in advance for all you guys's input,
Melissa

I have a question relating to this. Please don't take offense as the information I'm trying to gather is to better help my child (has autism) succeed in life.

Why wouldn't you imitate/mimic the skills that you would like to obtain? I'm neurotypical and when I need to acquire a skill I have to practice at it, why shouldn't I teach my child to mimic or maybe model the skills that could help him not only to feel better about himself/help with job interviews,maybe a date etc. I mean after all so long he's confortable with the skill so long at least he knows what to do. Kinda like with me and math (which I hate but he loves) but i have to learn it anyways.

Thank you in advance for all you guys's input,
Melissa[/quote]

Because many problems for us don't come from a "we haven't learned it yet" but from a "we do it totally different" point of view.
Another way of putting it: "if neurotpyical was righthanded and autism was lefthanded"; your child's problem isn't that his right handed skills aren't up to par and just needs to learn how to use the scissors properly, no, he's lefthanded and will need his own special lefthanded tool in order to cut things properly. You can force him to be righthanded, which will give him a life that makes the outside world decide how he's able to work with what's asked of him. Or allow him to be lefthanded, learning where his strengths and weaknesses are so he can sell himself to the outside world in a way that works for him. If that means staying away from places that are all about "working with your right hand", so be it.

I myself have been diagnosed late and looking back now, spend a lot of energy on trying to be "righthanded" that I could/should have spend on being myself. Friendships ended up being fake because no matter how hard I tried to "be like them" I couldn't keep it up 100% of the time and 1% is all it needs to fail. Same goes for jobs, and it's even worse for dating/love.