what's ur biggest social struggle factor?

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infilove
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11 Sep 2012, 12:12 pm

As a person on the spectrium what do you feel is your biggest factor that causes you to have a hard time socializing?

1) being over stimulated
2) not having enough knowlege about things people are interested and typically talk about
3) simply not interested in socializing
4) always saying the wrong things that scare people off
5) too shy
6) people pejudging you by looks i.e. looking autistic, noticable ticks, and stems that scare people off

For me my main source of social struggles is number 2. i find the other one aren't the main problem but the fact that i never can talk to people or understand what they are talking about due to lack of knowlege always messes me up. i feel if i even knew more about movies a lone that would increase my social success by 50%! what your main factor?


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redrobin62
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11 Sep 2012, 1:24 pm

Mine is No. 3 followed closely by No. 4.



daydreamer84
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11 Sep 2012, 2:44 pm

I like the numbered choices. It's probably a combination of 1-4 for me.....not 5 or 6. Since I have to pick a single one I would go with #3 because I often get so wrapped up in reading my novels and my fantasy worlds and the other stuff I do that I just don't make the effort to socialize. My two friends (both of whom I rarely see in person nowadays) would say that #3 is my biggest problem. :oops: Still the idea of socializing is stressful and off putting for me because of past experiences with 1, 2, and 4 which also affects my motivation to socialize. Going out in groups and especially to anywhere noisy and crowded is a problem because of the overload, my friend's friends tend to talk about things I know nothing about and I say the wrong things and make people uncomfortable-especially in groups (by the way group= more than 1 person).



outofplace
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11 Sep 2012, 3:01 pm

I'd say it's a mix of 2 and 4 with a little bit of 3 and 4 thrown in for good measure. I can hold conversations just fine but it seems that most people are not up to my intellectual level and prefer to discuss things that do not produce strong emotional reactions rather than deeper topics. For example, I find it very hard to find anyone who is interested in discussing the systemic problems with the world's economy. However, if the topic was sports or the latest reality TV game show, they would have no problem talking about that whereas I can't be bothered to care. Thus, since this is all anyone ever really wants to talk about in larger social gatherings, I have no interest in them.

I also tend to be the conversational equivalent of a large, blunt object. While I do try to find a nice way to put things, I won't avoid saying the truth just because it might hurt someone's feelings. In the end, I feel that it is better to confront someone with the truth and force them to deal with it than constantly paper over it with meaningless words of comfort.


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Last edited by outofplace on 12 Sep 2012, 11:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

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11 Sep 2012, 3:03 pm

I'd say mainly #5 because I have trouble approaching strangers to start a conversation. After that, once someone starts up a conversation, it's a bit of #3 and #4, though I don't so much scare people off as make them feel uneasy. I also tend to miss certain kinds of humor, which can make me look a bit slow, I suppose. :oops:



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11 Sep 2012, 3:22 pm

For me, it's 2-5. Some of them are better at times, but those would be the biggest struggles. Two is a big one for me, because my interests are not shared by many people. For example, people don't really seem interested in talking about a really good book they just read, writing, philosophical problems/questions, or many news items. The sixth one somewhat applies to me, but in a different way. I have a noticeable stammer, and I know I'm judged often for that. It isn't really bad, though it can vary.



invisiblesilent
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11 Sep 2012, 4:07 pm

1, 4, 5 and 6 here. My reasons for each are below:

1 - Most people I know do a lot of their socialising in loud places with lots of people. Unless I get out of my mind on drugs or booze (neither of which I do anymore (except for herb)) then I am not able to cope with places like that so I don't go out to socialise.

4 - I come across as quite intense and am not adept at conversation unless it is about something which interests me or with people I know very well (who are usually more likely to be talking about something which interests me)

5 - Social anxiety :/ I wouldn't describe it as shyness as such although the end effect is similar.

6 - I'm a 6' tall man with waist length hair and a large beard. Where I come from a lot of people will judge based on just that. Combine this with my failing at eye contact and my constant stimming and lots of people will decide they don't want to talk to me before a word has been exchanged.



anneurysm
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11 Sep 2012, 5:55 pm

I'd have to say 2. Though I have a good general sense of what the people I socialize with like, I feel I have to constantly spend time with them to know what they are gravitating towards. If two or more people are talking about something I don't know about, I'll feel left out, so I do my best to find out at least the basics of each thing so I'll at least have something to contribute the next time the topic is brought up. For example, a person I was getting to know told me he liked the show Breaking Bad. Although I haven't gotten around to watching it, a close friend of mine loves the show and we've talked about it numerous times, so I ended up having lots to contribute.

I have to say that the more time I spend with particular groups of NTs, the more I gradually grow to like their own interests (for example, my boyfriend has introduced me to some shows that I ended up loving). I have a naturally keen interest in others and will often ask them about things I don't know about, but at the same time, I don't want to be a sheep and I want to pursue what I like too. Finding a balance between your world and theirs is hard.

Also 5 is a challenge: it's not so much shyness as social anxiety though. Though I'm naturally shy, I appear outgoing at times around people as I feel I am under pressure to make and leave a good impression on them. It can get exhausting though, but it's worth it when I meet people that I really click with: like my current main group of friends.


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icyfire4w5
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12 Sep 2012, 4:57 am

4-I have lost count of the number of times people assume that I'm insulting them on purpose when I mean no harm. It seems as if any remark I make can be classified as offensive.
6-Some people either tell me directly or blog that I give off weird vibes that deter them from getting too close to me, but even they themselves can't explain how such vibes are weird.



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12 Sep 2012, 7:29 am

Not knowing how to get into a conversation or end one.
Not knowing how to physically approach people to talk to them or when/how to walk away.
Not knowing how much to talk about myself.
Not knowing whether questions come across as stalker-ish or not genuine if I ask about them.
Having made a wrong impression beforehand, so worrying what they think of me.
Not being heard and worrying about not being heard. Sometimes I'll get up the courage to say something and people won't hear me, then I won't bother again.

EVERYTHING!



UDAspie13
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12 Sep 2012, 8:03 am

#2 and #4, though 4 tends to be doing the wrong thing rather than saying the wrong thing.



JitakuKeibiinB
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12 Sep 2012, 10:09 am

3, followed by 5. 2, 4, and 6 are there too though.



SpiritBlooms
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12 Sep 2012, 10:20 am

infilove wrote:
As a person on the spectrium what do you feel is your biggest factor that causes you to have a hard time socializing?

1) being over stimulated
2) not having enough knowlege about things people are interested and typically talk about
3) simply not interested in socializing
4) always saying the wrong things that scare people off
5) too shy
6) people pejudging you by looks i.e. looking autistic, noticable ticks, and stems that scare people off


It's changed over time. When I was young, 5 was a big one, followed by 2. At this point in my life probably 1 and 3, although all of these cause problems from time to time or depending on my mood and the other people. There are certain attitudes on the part of others that can still make me extremely shy.



izzeme
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12 Sep 2012, 1:34 pm

mainly 1 and 2, coupled with a dash of 5, which is also initiated by 2 again.
i feel like i waste someones time if i try to talk to them for no good reason (and only good reasons are to ask for directions or advice), and in most gatherings i have to deal with the music (it's always there, and always too loud), coupled with 20 other conversations (darn this super-hearing), meaning i need all my power to prevent a meltdown.