How to appear less nervous/shy in busy places

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I have worked on posture and trying not to come across as nervous, but there are stuff what I can't control when I'm out in busy public places like shopping centres. Like not knowing where to put my hands, for example. I usually fold them when standing (not in a stiff way, just in a relaxed sort of way), but when I'm walking I feel obliged to have to swing my arms, which sometimes I suddenly lose rhythm and then have to do it so it isn't so natural, which then makes me feel awkward. Otherwise, I think I'm OK with walking.

But when I'm in a busy supermarket, especially when I'm there with somebody, I panic when we've got to go up an aisle where lots of other people are at all at once, and the aisles aren't that wide so people have to keep squeezing by and you get in each other's way. All of that makes me anxious because that means people will be invading my personal space, so when I'm feeling tensed up inside, I then don't know how to look. I tend to subconsciously put my hands up to my face, one hand touching my hair and the other hand sort of touching my face, then I put one hand down by my side but feel uncomfortable that way, so I raise it back up to my hair again, which makes me look more nervous, which then encourages people to think they can invade my personal space and will jostle me even more. Knowing that makes me even more anxious, until I get to a point where I don't care, and start huffing and puffing and making noticeable body language that attracts attention, making people kind of look at me funny then tap their friends to look at me too, which then gets me even more overwhelmed and I just have to think myself lucky that I have self-control, otherwise I will be confronting a few piss-takers and asking them to either ignore me or show a little more empathy.

To avoid all this, does anyone have any tips to kind of look more confident when in overwhelming situations? If I look more confident, maybe people won't jostle me or belittle me so much, and then I may feel more happier when out doing things in public.

I used to get very anxious in busy places. I especially felt uncomfortable with the idea of people looking at me, judging me etc. What change it was a therapist I had that pointed out to me that of all the people a busy shopping centre, not one of them would really be looking at or paying attention to me as they were all too focused on what they were doing and thinking. The next time I went I looked around and she was right.

I'm NT so don't have to deal with the sensory stuff like brushing up against people (though I do find that annoying).

That's my experience with this matter. I hope you find some useful information in it.

I hate crowds at any kind of store. Where I live, the grocery store is rarely crowded. I really hate it when I have to watch out for a lot of kids to keep from running over them with the shopping cart.

When I lived in the Houston area, the grocery stores were open 24 hours a day. I would usually just go to the store late at night when there were less crowds and usually far fewer kids hauled to the store by their parents. I hate it to have to stand behind someone and wait for them to paw through the food looking for what they want and I don't push my way in between them to grab whatever I want.

People invading my space isn't to do with sensory issues. I just get irritable.

I just don't think about the other people around me. I'll probably never see them again anyway.

im the same when walking i was once told to dont move my arms when i walk and since then ive tryed to change and take notice of my walk i still havent cracked it but i think i can fit in a bit

I'm with you on the arms and the supermarket. I will actually skip aisles where I would have to push past people to get what I want. I go to the next empty aisle and come back from the other side, get what I need and turn the cart around instead of the more typical pushing through. So, yeah I have no real coping tips.

As for the arms, I have looked at a lot of other people, and they all seem to stand with their arms at their sides, just hanging there. Now, for me this is totally uncomfortable, and my instinct is to do what you said and move them all around - crossed, up to my hair, up to my chest, on my hips, in my pockets, because nowhere ever feels right. So, most of the time I just ignore it, but when necessary I will put mind over matter and force myself to put them at my side.

As for how to accomplish this, I suggest yoga. When I was in college for acting, we did yoga in many of our classes to teach us how to be comfortable acting on stage, and the same principles apply to uncomfortable public situations. It makes you put yourself in very uncomfortable positions, while remaining exceedingly calm. Once you have learned how to be calm, you will be able to do it at any time. This will give you the ability to quiet (though never shut off, and not for a long time) that aching that comes from uncomfortable arm positioning, people getting too close, eye-contact, etc. And, yes, unfortunately eye contact is super important for NT's. If you do try yoga, I would suggest getting a video and practicing alone, because the classes are AS hell, trust me.

In any store that I go into often, I tend to develop one particular path that I follow in the store. If someone is in the way, I wait for them until they move, either staring around them or into space or pretending to be interested in something on the shelves.

That nearly got me in trouble once. Years ago, two women in a bookstore thought I was following them bookstore because I kept having to wait for them to get out of my way.

Grocery stores aren't quite as bad because in the US at least, most of them tend to give everyone about the same starting point. People are used to running into the same person two, three, or four times, in the aisles as they go through the store because they are usually going down the aisles in the same order.

I'm one of the few guys that loves grocery shopping...well likes it. What I do is I have a visual map in my head of what aisle has what (ie. the Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market has bread on aisle 8 which is the aisle with half a freezer section on one side), go get it, go find the quickest checkout lane (mostly the self checkouts), get in and out. I shop for clothes the same way. Like the person above, they don't care about how you look but rather they have a goal in mind, shop, get food, and get out.

In my local grocery store, it doesn't matter what I go in for except for soap, I still follow the same path.

The store had an odd number of aisles. Going front to back and front again n number of times without going down the same aisle twice would require 2n aisles. Thus, I either have the choice of going down one aisle twice or skipping an aisle -- I choose to skip the aisle that the detergents are on. That usually means that if I need dishwashing detergent, I make a special trip over for just that because when I'm in the store to buy other things, the thought about going down that aisle doesn't cross my mind.

So I go down aisle 1, up aisle 3, down aisle 4, and up aisle 5 to the cash register even if the only reason I went in was to get potato chips which is at the far end of aisle 4.

Getting stuff from a grocery store is (ironally) much better when I'm on my own. I may struggle with walking up there, and I may worry about being watched when I'm in there, but once I've made a start on the shopping I am normally OK. It's worse when I'm following someone around, because I get in other people's way more, and don't know how to stand or where to stand.

Usually I go around Tesco with my best friend. It's sort of part of our routine, we meet about twice a week, and she does her shopping, and I have no problem with helping her to carry her shopping home because it's cheaper than relying on taxis, but it's the going around the grocery store that is the worst part. I don't really want to go off and do something else whilst waiting for her to do her shopping because we've been doing this together for nearly a year now and she might think I'm being awkward or funny suddenly not wanting to go in with her, and also the anxiety of busy supermarkets has built up over the months. She knows a get stressed, but she doesn't know I get stressed to the point where I prefer not to go around with her. I suppose I can't avoid those sorts of places for the rest of my life.

I think the aisle that gets the most busiest is one with the biscuits, sweets, chocolate and crisps. Every time we go up there, there are always hoards of people. And there's a huge pillar stuck right in the middle of the aisle that gets in the way, so you got to be careful where you stand because there's always going to be someone with a big trolley wanting to squeeze between you and the stupid monstrosity of a pillar.
Actually, there's room both sides of the pillar big enough to wheel a big trolley through, but people (especially snotty women) always have to be awkward and still want to squeeze by the side that I'm blocking, instead of saving time and going round the other side of the pillar, like what I would do. That one always bugs me, and makes me wonder if people just want to push me out of their way on purpose of if they're just being awkward. At least men have better common sense and would go the other way, being so it's not out of their way and is then easier on everyone.

Years ago, I had a really full, very unkempt beard, and long hair often down to my shoulder. And I'd usually be wearing a leather jacket and carrying a motorcycle helmet. There was a great benefit to that -- people generally stood back and left me alone. I loved it.

Well....to some people I look meek and nervous and give off the ''I'm so gentle and harmless'' impression, but to other people I look threatening and liable to do something wrong at any moment. When I go into supermarkets, people think they can jostle me without no hard feelings, and the security gaurds that stand at the door don't bat an eyelid to me, or just smile at me or give the ''I can trust you just like everyone else'' look (ie, a friendly welcoming look), or they just look past me to try to spot people who are more worth watching out for, so I must look meek and nice and not got the impression that says ''I'm liable to steal''. Then when I walk in smaller shops, I get the feeling that I am being watched as though I can't be trusted. Maybe if it's because every time I catch sight of the person at the till they just happen to be looking in my direction coincidentally, but because I see everything through the paranoid lens, I worry that they are watching me as though they've got suspicions of me stealing. It's like I don't feel welcome in smaller shops, like the person at the till hates me and thinks they can watch me.

So weird.

I just do my grocery shopping between 1am and 6am at the local 24 hour Wal Mart. There are very few people there at that time of night and so it doesn't really matter. The cashiers pretty much all know me by now which usually leads to a short conversation. Sometimes it's awkward, but most of the times it's not. At any rate, it takes far less time than it would were I shopping at more "normal" hours.