Am I in the wrong here?

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A friend of mine called me up to hang out today. He told me that he was planning a LAN party and was wondering if I could come. I had lots of homework, but I told him I could probably stop by for at least a little bit.

When I get to his house, he tells me that it doesn't look like it's going to happen. I felt a bit annoyed that he waited until after I packed my computer up and drove over to inform me of this, especially considering I have schoolwork to do. I can't help feeling like I wasted my time. He still wanted to hang out, but I told him that if the party isn't going on that I should really tend to my homework. I suggested that we postpone to another day.

He then tried to make me feel like the bad guy and even accused me of just using homework as an excuse. I kept my cool and told him that I truly appreciate his friendship but I have work to do. I don't feel like I was in the wrong, but he made it seem like it was my fault. I was wondering if I can get an outside opinion on the matter? Was I being unreasonable?

you were perfectly fine and fair. stick to your guns.

You're cool, Ronin ... and perfectly justified, as well.

Carry on!

No you were right to be annoyed. I would be too if someone wasted my time when I could be doing something else.

Uh, here's my take:

It was understandable why you'd be annoyed.

HOWEVER: when you went to his house, you were pretty much committed to socializing in some capacity. Even if it wasn't what you were expecting to happen, and even if you were annoyed, you were still there. So, from that angle, I can understand why your friend may have felt you were being overly negative.

It's like, you have the time for a LAN party, but not the time for general socialization. In other words, if homework was really TOP priority, you wouldn't have time for either. The fact that a LAN party was more important than homework, but general socializing wasn't shows your friend your true selfish reasons for coming over.

PS: I don't know what a LAN party is, but you get the gist.

You don't show it openly to your friend that you're willing to spare the time from your business for his friends but not for him. It's highly rejecting and self-serving, so of course he was hurt.

Also, a bit of compassion for your friend with his aborted party, staying with him for at least 1 hour, wouldn't hurt. He too could've just decided to enjoy the party with his friends, but he chose to invite you too.

He probably didn't tell you that no one was coming because he hoped till the last minute that it'd happen, and thought anyway you two could have fun together if no one else showed up.

All this is about reciprocity, ToM, subtext, empathy, flexibility, tact, diplomacy - the things we're so impaired at intuitively and someone has to tell us.

Well, that is just your average everyday emotional extortion for you. The good old "Oh, so you only came for <Enter Event>, but now that it's cancelled, you "suddenly" have <Enter Obligation> to do, and I'm not good enough for you anymore!"
You did exactly the right thing in my oppinion: You said to him that you value your friendship, but you went out of your ways to attend an event that was rare and required prepatarion, so you considered that waiting with your homework was worth it because of the rarity of the event. Now that the event is cancelled, today's priorities have changed. Just hanging out doesn't require much run up, so it's not like this would have been your last time together. Two thumbs up for you, especially he seemed to have played you a little bit because he could have told you earlier that the LAN-party was cancelled, but I am sure he speculated on you staying if he extorted you. Friendship is friendship, and obligations are obligations. If a friend doesn't accept that, he isn't your friend.

LAN=Local Area Network. A LAN party is when a bunch of gamers get together to set up a network and play the same game together.

Bingo.

Leaving right away sends the message that you have time for a game, but you don't have time for your friend. Thus, you're sending the message that playing this game is much more valuable to you than your friend. Even if that wasn't the intent, that is the message you sent and, most importantly, the message that your friend received. He may even feel that you're just using him for access to these LAN parties, and not treating him as a true friend.

I get your reasons for leaving, but I can absolutely understand why your friend may have been upset. You were rejecting him and sending the message that he wasn't that important to you. Look around these boards - how many people on here have been stung by rejection, or have even simply worried that their friends MAY be rejecting them? Rejection stings - that's why your friend got upset. Nobody likes the feeling that somebody else, that they consider their friend, doesn't view them as being important.

I'm not saying that you truly regard him as unimportant - only you can answer that question. However, that is the message you were sending him. A much better choice would have been to do exactly what you said you were going to do - hang out at his house for a bit, and then get back to your work.

You were being reasonable. I hope you were able to get your homework done in spite of his inconsiderate waste of your time.

To be clear, I did end up hanging out with him for an hour or so. This is a common trend for this guy also. I like hanging out with him, but he has a tendency to be overly clingy and never takes no for an answer. I generally just go along with it, but I felt like this was the last straw. I understand how some of you feel like I may be selfish, but what about my friend? He was being unreasonable in some ways too. He also suffers from depression, so I think he may be a little obsessed with the friendship.

Either way, I agree it could have gone smoother, but unfortunately he is not a guy who likes to be told no. If he said he couldn't hang out, I'd completely understand. I don't feel like he reciprocates that courtesy.

It does make it a little more understandable if you stayed for an hour, but if you did so reluctantly, and it was obvious you didn't want to be there, my original point still stands.

Would you completely understand if your friend said he could hang out with you and some other people, showed up, and then changed his mind once he got there and say he couldn't hang out anymore, just because nobody else had shown up?

Your friend may not have been perfect, but I'd still have to say you were probably more in the wrong. And I don't see how his depression factors into your argument at all - if anything, I'd say that makes it more apparent that he felt like you were rejecting him, hence why he got upset.

I wouldn't worry about it personally. You thought you were going for a LAN party, did the friendly thing and stayed for an hour or so then left. An hour or so is plenty of time for friends to hang out.

Again_With_This is right on with his/her reading of the situation.

Thank you! Looking at the situation from a different point of view helps me understand that what I did may have been a bit rude.