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Pileated woodpecker
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07 Sep 2012, 4:58 pm

Extroverted males are very popular, especially with girls. Nobody seems to criticize them even when they do bad things. Sure, they're less likely to be found in engineering, but even for engineering nowadays, social skills are more important than GPA. Besides, my math skills wouldn't matter.

I thought I did everything in my power to become more extroverted last year. I took a dance class, I even tried going to parties and drinking. But even after all that, I've noticed even introverted girls think introverted guys are creepy, and a lot of girls still think I'm boring.

It's just that my mind has this weird way of seeing things. I can feel like I'm going miles where in reality, I'm going nowhere. I wonder if other people on this forum have the same mindset as me.



Prof_Pretorius
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07 Sep 2012, 5:13 pm

Sp you're saying you want to become an NT ??


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again_with_this
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07 Sep 2012, 5:15 pm

Extroverted doesn't necessarily mean outgoing. It means a person who gets energy and feels more alive from interacting with people. Too much alone time, and they feel lacking in energy and need to go be with others.

Introversion is the opposite. An introvert can be very social and outgoing, but at some point, it will drain them and they'll need their alone time.

You can become more outgoing, but I don't think you can ever actually become extroverted (i.e. energized by prolonged social interaction).

That said, I've notice how outgoing guys who are well liked are able to get away with huge social offenses, whereas guys like us get the opposite treatment - the third degree for a minor nothing. It's not based on what any of us have done or haven't done, but how much we're liked/disliked by others, and we're often disliked. And I agree, even shy/timid/introverted women seem to give the preferential treatment to the outgoing/boisterous/socially approved man and hold us in disdain.



GiantHockeyFan
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07 Sep 2012, 5:19 pm

I can relate. Garfield and Dilbert are two comics/shows that aren't far off the truth. I tried to focus on introverted and Aspie like women and they seem to think a quiet guy is a closet pervert or serial killer and extroverted women seem to think there is something wrong with you being happy alone on Friday night.

Bottom line is I'm sick of acting NT. If that means I'm forever single than so be it. I'm an Aspie and even if all women make unfair judgements and refuse to get to know the real me that's their problem not mine! Given how much children and seniors love me I can't be that bad and it's their loss if they follow the herd off the cliff.



VAGraduateStudent
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08 Sep 2012, 3:37 pm

I think you're thinking about this way too hard. You're probably just a unique person and not everyone is going to "get" you. That happens to neurotypical people too! I can't tell you how many times I've told a HILARIOUS joke and no one has laughed. But see, I just shrug my shoulders because I know it's just the other people's fault that they're not as cool as I am. ;)

If you have a genuine suspicion that you're giving off a "creepy" vibe, you could ask someone (preferable a girl, but a guy friend could help too) what you're doing that's creepy. And don't take it too hard when they tell you. You might be surprised how far just a few tweaks of your behavior can go.

A girl in my class told me the other day that she was an aspie and I had NO IDEA. And I'm studying how aspies pass as NT! She said that just a couple years ago she was having serious problems with her facial expressions, but she just kept working at it and now she's so good at faking her expressions that most people have no idea she's not NT.

Just keep working at the quirks, but remember that it's no good to completely fake being another person. Then you'll just end up surrounding yourself with a bunch of jerks that you don't like and who will never understand the real you!



DeviantBeauty
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08 Sep 2012, 10:59 pm

There are Aspies who are extroverts. I'm one of them. I feel really listless and unhappy if I don't spend some time with other people. On the other hand, I tend to be more attracted and have longer relationships with men who are introverted. The even more confusing part of that is that I'm a shy extrovert and the guys I date are introverts who are not shy.



Who_Am_I
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09 Sep 2012, 6:47 am

Extroverted people with good social skills are popular.


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Gnonymouse
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09 Sep 2012, 8:46 am

If you spend every day out with others and socializing I think you become more extroverted over time. The opposite is true - spend weeks of time alone and you become more introverted. That said, people have natural tendencies that predisposed them to one or the other.



anneurysm
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09 Sep 2012, 9:44 pm

I am an introvert and spent a year trying to convince people that I was an extrovert with a huge social life. I ended up exhausted and tired all the time as I was pushing myself way too hard. Extroverted people still have their problems...from my experiences with them, they are more likely to get into petty fights and drama simply because of the sheer amount of people they know.

Extroversion isn't always better, it's just a different way of being. You don't need to be an extrovert to have friends, and you certainly don't need to be one to be happy with yourself.


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


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11 Sep 2012, 1:57 pm

I don't think you can become an extrovert if you're an introvert. I am an extrovert and know it because I can get physically sick and depressed after spending only a day or so alone. It's not a better option, trust me. Be glad that you enjoy your alone time and can handle it. I must be the weird one who has always wanted to be an introvert due to school demands and my perfectionistic tendencies opposing my outgoing nature.


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Leading a double life and loving it (but exhausted).

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