Focusing too hard on one or two friends

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Dots
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Age: 40
Gender: Male
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Location: Ontario

19 Sep 2012, 10:14 pm

When I was a teenager and had no friends at all, I would get wayyyy too focused on just one person. Embarrassingly focused, like, altering the route I took between classes in order to pass them in the hall, or being stupid around them like laughing louder or saying random comments when they were in the vicinity because I wanted them to notice me. I wanted these people to be my friends so badly, but since I never made any actual attempts to befriend them, only obsessed from a distance, I never had friends.

Well, I've managed to cobble together enough social experience to NOT do that any more. Also I've grown up and matured. I am still poor at making friends, I always seem to get stuck at a certain level, because I don't know if I'm reciprocating enough or appropriately.

And while I know it's improper to follow someone around from a distance because you want to be their friend and don't do things like that any more, I do still get fixated on one or two people at a time. I've talked it over with my therapist briefly and she thinks it's an Asperger's thing, or at least, one of the ways my Asperger's manifests.

Now that I actually know the rudiments of making social interludes, or at least, have an approach that doesn't scare EVERYONE away, I get to the point where I start making FRIENDS with these people, which is in one way, so much better, but in another way, so much worse. Because now my emotions are involved and I'm risking myself.

Since I'm so focused on one or two friendships, I get abnormally emotionally involved and get quite worried. Because it's impossible for the other person to be as involved with the friendship as I am. I'm the only person I've ever met who gets SO focused on just one friendship.

And it's not like I'm even doing anything to act on it - I don't insist on speaking to the person every day, or bombard them with messages, or anything like that. But the obsessive quality is still present in the amount of emotional stress I put on whether the friendship succeeds or fails.

My therapist's only advice was to try and spread the focus around to more friends. But I don't have very many friends!

Am I alone here?


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Diagnosed Bipolar and Aspergers (questioning the ASD diagnosis).

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Aprilviolets
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20 Sep 2012, 12:21 am

I remember when I was at school I had a friend that I played with all the time and even on my school report it said that I was possesive and singled out one person.
I'm not all that good with keeping friends so when there was one I tended to be possesive I did grow out of that after a while, and had a few friends at school.

I have kept in touch with her and we send christmas and birthday presents to each other as she lives in the country now.