Letting friends go, and finding friends.

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Hello guy,

I have an issue with what i have been struggling with.

I know that friends and acquaintances come and go, when you change school or work, or you move...
But 2 years ago i suffers from a deep depression, because of the feeling no one was my real friend.
(I Study architecture and i make art, music... and i like to share my experiences with them, but they do not care about that after school)
So i didn't go to social events anymore, because they didn't interest me.
I know them for 5 years now.

My so called friends know me, but when I'm there it's like, it doesn't matter if i was there or not.
So i didn't go out, and i sunk deeper and deeper.
(I'm not saying that i want them to notice me, but i want someone that i can share my interest with; art, music, dance...)

After being in therapy, what really helped, i decided to something about this.
I saw the movie "yes man", and i decided to do like Jim carry, and say yes to every social event.
I had one hell of a time, i went to festivals, dances, parties... (witch i already did bot not that often)
But after a while, I was at the same point, i really enjoyed myself, but was not stimulated anymore because of the bullsh*t conversation.
About who was more drunk, stoned, who had the most sex...
I can stand them for a while but, my brain needs some activity.

That is one side of my "friends",
The other side is the really arty people, with whom i don't see as much. I really like them, because they're so different, they talk about life, they philosophize, they think deep like me. They are painters, a movie maker, an actor.... i experience that they are more real. And they are truly interested in my, and i in them.

But now here it come, when my old time friends invite me, i don't dare to say NO. Because i feel guilty towards them, because i know them for 5 years now.
And every time I am with them i just shut down, i don't know what to say anymore. It's like "yeah yeah, i know you for 5 years now, and you don't change."
Me on the other hand, after my depression and therapy have changed allot (i found out i I'm gifted and have AS traits) i started to travel on my own, have a better relationship with my parents, have more confidence, i change my look, to what i wanted and not what someone else wanted (this after traveling alone).
I feel accepted when i travel on my own, i meet new people, we go to museums, go out, have a drink, go to a concert... So I do different things (serious and fun loose things)

My old self says "drop your old friends, your not like them anymore." and the new me says "don't do it because you"ll be alone."

Have any of you guys experience this, that you change so much, that you don't fit in with your friends anymore, and you dare to chose for your own, but you feel guilty towards your old friends?

What can i do about this, should i dropped them or continue to play a role?

tell me your experience
Greetz

I have had many different groups of friends over my life. They have all come and gone because we outgrow each other. Yes it seems like they don't progress but I do, but maybe everyone sees it like that.

I don't know if you should ditch your old friends or not. Do they add anything to your life now? If not then why bother, unless you really want to make the effort to have these friends.

If you have new friends now then you may be better off with them.

Maybe you can still be friends with them but not be in their company all the time.

I do not get invited out like that so there is nothing for me to go to-I had a friend un-friend recently after saying they wanted to resolve something that happened between us then obviously changing their mind about it and getting disposed of just like that-it feels like other friends(all the ones I speak of here being on the spectrum) are avoiding me and i have no idea in this latest case of what the heck I even did-I am a loss to understand it-someday maybe i will understand or just be criticized into hiding again or punished for trying to have a friend or more. I do not dispose of or discard friends even though I may have cause to or whatever-just isn't right even though over the years many NT acquaintances have used and abused me.

Dear Xerofaan,

I have been friends with Thomas for about fifteen years now, and we used to spend a lot of hours together toying or fooling around. Nowadays, I barely see him anymore. Once a year, if I'm correct. That's a pity.
Our common interests changed a bit, but somehow I still feel we're friends for life. Other friends, the ones I got to know in secundary school, dropped like flies really.
It was time to move on, I'm afraid. Friends and relationships and the like are always dependent on where you are. And I changed pace... a lot.

If you had to leave school, like me for instance, you would have to leave most of your schoolmates behind, and that's a natural thing. The relationship between Thomas and me - we first met in elementary school - would last upon this very day. All I had to do, was keeping in touch, writing an email and so on.
I'm to blame too for losing my other friends. I chose not to write them anymore, because it felt like they had given me up after my diagnosis. I do regret that, but I can't make things undone. Relationships are also dependent on the choices you make in life.
I made new friends once I had a job. I still work nearby. I can still see my friends everyday. Life and the things going on in life are strange concepts. There's a variety of people, and a variety of choices to make. Unless you decided to remain indoors, there's plenty of opportunity to go round to find yourself some friends. You will always meet new people. The more time you spend with them, the more you forget about the other friends you've made thus far. That's also a common fact. Sometimes it feels like the two parties are to blame for losing correspondence, sometimes it's like time itself is to blame. In any case, friendships are a variable set of structures and they aren't easy to maintain.

I hope I could help you out a bit, bro!
~ Lupus