I'm starting to feel I don't have many friends (long post)

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I did thought I had quite a wide circle of friends, but I was wrong. Some have moved away, others have stopped talking to me, and others have now got commitments. I have a friend who I see once or twice a week or more, but she's a lot older than me and often people think she's my mum (which is why I get a lot of funny looks when I'm with her, because other young girls seem to object you being seen with your mum, which is immature of them because it is none of their business if I'm just a stranger to them). But she likes me for who I am, and we get along fine. I don't normally come across friends who like me for who I am, so it is nice to stick with people who are understanding like that.

Also I have 2 friends who are my age (just 2! ), and one is Autistic who seems to have such a busy schedule that I barely get to see him from one year to the next (although I sometimes talk to him on MSN). And I also have another friend who I don't think has AS but has some other non-NT condition what mildly affects the way she socialises. But lately she's suddenly changed, seems more confident, and speaks to more people on Facebook, where as before she never did, and she never used to write on her status and now she does, and she suddenly feels really happy about something, as though she's getting married or something, but she's not telling me, which is strange, because she always used to be rather honest. So if she's suddenly landed herself a boyfriend who I never heard of, and/or lots of other friends that have magically appeared, then I probably won't see her much any more.

And I used to text a man and sometimes go and see him a lot, but now he suddenly hasn't texted me for a while, and I feel a bit awkward texting him, so I suppose that's another friendship gone out the window for no reason. And I had 2 other friends who I met at my voluntary job, but they've moved down by the sea and I haven't heard from them since, even though I have sent them a few friendly messages through Facebook, asking if they're settled and how they're getting on. So I know I will never see them again.

And I have a few bus-driver friends, but one is thinking of leaving and she lives nowhere near me so I won't ever see her again, and the ones I fancy are all married anyway so they're not really going to want to see me elsewhere, I don't expect them to anyway, and anyway the bus will probably change companies soon anyway because of stupid cutbacks and all that s**t so I won't see them again anyway. And then I have a few people that I talk to where I volunteer, but they are all different ages and I doubt they're going to want to hang around with me. I do go to a social group once a week, and I chat to a few people there but not many because I'm too shy and haven't got much to say to people.

Also I'm not good enough for my cousins any more, so I feel excluded from them, and anyway, they are extroverts and their friends are extroverts who are into one thing, which is drinking and partying, and that's the last thing I want to do at the moment so I don't think I will fit in well with them anyway. So, things seem a bit dull for me at the moment, I feel my social life is getting narrower and that I'm soon going to somehow lose all my friends and end up completely friendless, just like how I was back when I was at school.

Oh - I did have a small group of friends who I met at college, but they ended up bullying me so i came away from them as quick as I could, which was the right thing to do.

I think it's just a part of life, people move, start new jobs or relationships and you drift apart, or they drift away from you as is often the case. That's why I think true friendship rarely exists, as they're mostly based on either being beneficial or convenient, and either stops being the case, they end. So when it becomes inconvenient to maintain a friendship it ends, or if it stops being beneficial it ends. Anyway I'm not sure if that was helpful but I find it helps to look at things realistically and know that this is normal and you're not alone in experiencing this I'm sure.

I know it must be a tough time for you, but it's all part of life, people come and go, they move on, and new people will always come into your life. Who knows, you could be friends with 5 people next year who you never knew existed this year. Trust me, you've got years from now, I'm sure at your age all your friendship opportunities are not going to suddenly come to a stop, so cheer up.

That happens to Nts too. Nothing to do with your aspergers. Again, it's just part of life, what even extroverted social butterflies experience.


Im sure you don't get weird stares just for being with someone older than you. People arent that stupid. Im Nt and I can say that I don't intend to mock those who are as far as I know with their parents, it simply doesn't matter that much to people. At least you are being sensible and sticking with people who like you for who you are and arent likely to judge you negatively. By sticking with someone like her you might end up meeting more people through her, so keep it up and dont worry too much of what other people might think, otherwise you'll never enjoy yourself.


Hmm, Im sure your friend wont keep too much from you. We all experience friends who act a little strange sometimes, then they kind of get over it or snap out of it. Maybe your friend trusts people too much so anyone who pays her a little bit of attention, whether it's a male or female, she probably thinks omg they're my best friends, and you mentions shes also socially awkward so maybe she just gets a bit too overexcited when she finds she is accepted by more people. Everyone is different.


Maybe this man is feeling the same way you do, feels awkward if he texts you because you're both being silly and dont know when to text each other so the weeks turn into months before you realise how long it has been since you last heard from each other, and you are both afraid of texting now. Just maybe break the cycle by sending him a quick text saying something like 'hello, long time no speak, what have you been up to lately?' He'll either reply back or not, and thats the only way you can find out.


Its good you are talking to different people. I know aspies tend to think Nts have tons of true friends, but that is untrue. Im Nt, and most other Nts that I know just have different people dotted around who they just talk to but dont meet up otherwise. So you're doing a normal thing there, just talking to different people. That is great, give yourself a pat on the back for that because there are some aspies here who dont even do that or struggle at that sort of thing. Just think, things can be worse.


Cousins can be funny sometimes. Ive got a lot of cousins, and I never see any of them any more. They all have their own lives, and I bet some of them go out and do things together without even attemping to ask me, but I just had to accept that people do grow apart and it's just part of life. Just don't take it personally. Your cousins are the last people you want to worry about at a time like this.


Well, that's also another good thing - at least you're living and learning. Just keep your chin up and be patient, life can be exciting when you meet different people. Being human doesn't mean you have to know tons of people well and have their contact numbers and have to meet up otherwise they're not classed as friends. That is naive to look at it like that. Consider every person you speak to as your friend. You never know what's around the corner.

I feel like I am alone at the moment. I feel everybody's got more hope with friendships than me. If I do meet the right people, something always comes along where I can't see them again, like they move far away or whatever. I just don't know when this will end.

You should check the forums at thestudentroom.co.uk, there are daily posts from people saying how they feel they have no friends, so you are not alone in that sense.

Perhaps you need to make more effort to meet new and different people. Building lasting friendships is never easy, but they do happen.
It's like Winnie the Pooh said: "You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes."