Complaining and negativity as small talk???

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So, I don't really have a huge problem with small talk, when it's about regular everyday things, like the weather, or housekeeping, or celebs, and things like that. I'm not very good at it, but I'm not averse to it, either.

However, there is a form of small talk that sneaks into a lot of conversations, especially mutiple-way conversations, where it is common to just complain about things, be generally pessimistic about for minor reasons, and, what I dislike the most, gossip about other people, such as co-workers (behind their backs). I don't like any of these modes of conversation, preferring to talk about topics releated to arts, culture, science, history, current events. I can talk about mundane things and enjoy it, but when the conversation turns into complaining in a distinctly negative tone about your every day life, and life in general, or especially talking negatively about other people, I don't know what to do with the topic. I've trouble replying, so I just sit there nodding with a fake smile on my face. This is in the setting of work, where I now feel forced to participate in the coffee breaks since my last couple of jobs blew up in my face in part because I failed to get along with the majority of my co-workers.

So, what are your thoughts on complaining+gossiping+pessimism as a form of small talk? Do you do it yourself? Do you hear it sometimes and not have a problem with it? Do you have difficulties with it? I'd like to hear.

I'm told its a form of bonding over your troubles.
I usually find it annoying

I have difficulties with it, but I'm not sure I can offer any solutions.

Most of the office girls where I work are really negative and spend a lot of their time bitching, gossiping and making snide comments. There is an expectation that I help them out with their duties now and then, but that is never reciprocated - and they might also make snide comments about how I performed the task - just because they would do it differently , take credit for it, - or just generally b***h behind my back. I am usually " too busy " to help them out anymore. Usually that's true.

I also find it strange that it's somehow acceptable to stand around bitching and gossipping, but by actually getting on with it and working or simply minding one's business, one is not being a "team player", And not being productive.

HUH?!?!? I don't see how wasting time and undermining others is productive, but lots of workers and bosses disagree.

Same here, but I am likely to get looked at like I'm an alien

Ahh, I hadn't looked at it from that angle before, AutisticBelle. That does make sense. I believe there was even an article in the newspapers a couple years before about how complaining is like the social glue of a workplace. Well, I can do without, personally.



That last part is also very relatable. On my previous work, coworkers would slack off and goof around with each other, while I would focus on the work. It did not make me popular.
On my current work, my coworker takes a 45 minute break over a span of 4 hours before lunch, where a 15 minute break would suffice. At the same time, she complains that we are understaffed and as such don't have the manpower or time to properly clean the whole building. I dare not protest too much, because I fear that I'd get on her bad side if I did, and she has a lot of clout for being the longest working person on the job.
I realise that this sounds like me complaining about my coworkers, I'm aware of the irony.

I occasionally and very rarely do it because I don't want to cause a bad air around us. I'm okay if people just complain, but if they are really angry and pissed, I feel very uncomfortable...like what the heck do you want me to do?! I just want to slide away in those cases.

People complain because it helps them relieve stress, they don't expect you to help or give advice (people ignore unwanted advice, anyway,) they pretty much just want a good listener.

That is true BUT if it is super negative I do tune out, go away or do the magic thing to shut them up - say well what are you going to do about the situation. They often run when they hear that LOL.

Ha ha, wow. I'm going to put that to the test, I think.

Do it is fun.

Quick example and remember I do live in Australia but say if someone says American Television is rubbish and horrible yet they admit they stare at the TV for hours go well become a director and raise the money and make what you want to see.

The look of terror when they realise they have to actually do something to change diffuses negative talk quick

From my own experience, I find that people do not generally enjoy H.L. Mencken or Christopher Hitchens-style cynical comments and observations (obviously, not about the person/people you're with at the moment).

This may sound weird, but I'm actually happy sometimes to hear people complaining about coworkers or the job. I'm constantly worried in a job about not fitting with coworkers or being liked at a job, and if people are complaining to me about other people/things it generally means they trust me enough to gossip around me(I fit in). I won't usually say too much negative myself, I don't really like to do that unless I feel strongly about something.

Yeah, I can understand that. I know how good it can feel to be included in a circle of coworkers, and to get to that level where they feel that they can confide in you.

It's tiresome to hear gossiping and negative topics around the workplace. People should be working instead of being catty about each other. Unfortunately, that mindset doesn't win someone any friends. When I used to work, I was the one being gossiped about because I just didn't get along with my co-workers. Excuse me for being productive. Someone has to do the work, I guess.

Yeah, it can get rather annoying all the bitching that goes on. I used to work at the supermarket and swear some of the women had nothing better to talk about then to b***h during there breaks. And it was awkward cause i would never say anything and they would sit there awkwardly with me and sometimes to break the ice they would just complain. I dont participate much because I dont really fit in most of the time and trust a whole lot of people. I dont see the point in sitting around and bitching for nothing. I tend to be a very solution oriented person, if I b***h Im looking for a solution for my problem. Not just someone to sit there, mindlessly agree and nothing.

Exactly. I don't mind if a friends complains to me every so often. I do it too sometimes. It's a coping skill, a way to relieve stress. Seeking social support.
And a lot of the times I relate with my friends when they are complaining so it makes me feel 'good', relieves a little bit as well.

It's part of life, people dislike certain things sometimes, and they complain about it. It's not all roses and moonshine. Personally, I would get annoyed if a person walked up to me every day "ooh hiii, the sun is shining so bright today. and don't you just loooooooove those pink houses. they are so cute. blablabla", being overly positive about everything. Get real.