For as long as I can remember this has been the biggest hurdle to my social development. It is relatively easy for me to make acquaintances with someone, I know the usual scripts (what's your major/career plans/where do you live/etc.) and for the most part I think people seem to find me pleasant to talk to, despite my lack of eye contact. I remember to ask people questions about themselves and not dominate the conversation too much. I also can make people laugh through wit, and I've had many people tell me that I have good ideas and that I'm smart. Still, it's rare that I get invited to things with the people I know, they don't seem to want to make an effort to get to know me better as a friend. I'm not sure why that is, I think eye contact might be a part of it, otherwise I'm at a loss.
I have one really good aspie friend I do things with. We share a common interest (indie/experimental music) and could talk about it for hours, and we go to concerts together. However I know 3 other people I would like to be friends with and would like advice on how to best proceed with them.
Person 1: I met him in the philosophy club in college, I was blown away by his encyclopedic knowledge of not only continental but ancient philosophy. We talked about music and shared interest in a lot of the same bands. I suspect he might be aspie as well (he makes eye contact even less than I do), but he might just be mildly depressed or something. He mentioned that he was gonna see a band called Tomahawk later this month, I said "Oh that sounds awesome" but didn't say much more about it. I think this would be a good opportunity but what should I say here? I was always told growing up that it's rude to invite yourself to things. I texted him a recommendation for a movie I think he would like (Enter the Void), he said he would check it out.
Person 2: Very much NT. I met him at another volunteer/service club, really funny but I don't know of any interests we share. He actually asked what my number was and we exchanged them (which is a good sign) but he hasn't texted or called me since then. He seems like the type of guy that's friendly to everyone. I'm gonna see him at a club meeting soon, I guess we'll just keep talking? I'm thinking of just outright telling him I have AS and he might be understanding, idk...
Person 3: Also NT. Not as seeming extroverted as 2 but not as introverted as 1 either. I overheard him talking about a party he threw, I mentioned something like "sounds like a crazy night" and immediately he told me that I'm going to the next one. He asked for my Facebook and added me. When I see him (meet him at a students lounge) I'll occasionally ask him questions like "what book are you reading" etc., and we will have a short conversation from there, but then it will end and he will go back to his book or laptop. I'm gonna try to make it to this next party he's having, I don't really like them (what aspie does) but I don't really have anything to lose either. For some reason though I get the vibe that he doesn't want any more close friends, but I can't tell for sure.
Any advice is appreciated, especially from an NT perspective. I'm going to do more volunteer work at an animal shelter soon, hopefully that will give me even more opportunities.
Last edited by KinetiK on 05 Oct 2012, 10:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.
05 Oct 2012, 9:07 pm
