How do you make friends with men?

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I'm a woman, and I don't know how to approach a man and ask to hang out with him, as *friends*. I've given men the wrong impression many times and have pissed some off as a result of me not being interested.

How do you ask to hang out with someone without appearing overly eager? I get nervous too, which doesn't help. Also, when people do hint that they want to hang out with me, like starting a conversation about mobile phones, and keep drawing the conversation back to them, or a place nearby that we both frequently visit...it all goes over my head until I figure it out afterwards. Going over social situations afterwards is how I learn - I never learn on the spot as it's all too much to process, plus I'm a very literal thinker.

The latest time I was misinterpreted, which I managed to fix...was when I asked if this man at college wanted to hang out with me for lunch. He somehow brought up that he had a girlfriend (hint that he was taken) but agreed. I asked another guy in our class if he wanted to join us (to ease it off) which worked. I also mentioned that I have a boyfriend. Still, I'd rather the awkwardness had never happened in the first place.

There's this helpful guy at college who I want to be friends with outside of college, but I have no clue how to ask without it sounding like I'm interested in him that way. Or is it actually not a good idea? Would appreciate advice. Cheers.

Join the club, except switch sexes.

Over the years, if I've found someone interesting to talk to, or want to get to know them outside of school/college/the workplace, and they live relatively near me, I casually suggest a meet-up by a park, or just a simple trip to the cinemas or for a shop, maybe. Perhaps, getting to know them first, and finding a common interest, and then building on that.

I remember sharing my love of Blur with an old friend of mine, and we used to share CDs, though harder in this day and age, you could just find a computer, and load up a few songs on YouTube, and go from there. Or, if you're on Facebook, you can just bounce songs back and forth to one another. - Just an example.

Through my experience though, the only way you can appear, calm, and relaxed, is if you genuinely feel calm, and relaxed around the person. Of course you're gonna feel nervous at first, when building a friendship up, and getting to know the person, but that's what conservation making is so for. Otherwise, it would be a very awkward atmosphere indeed.

If people start 'hinting' at you, and you don't understand them at first, just say "I don't follow", or "Come again?", and if they're genuine, or patient enough, they should 'un-hint', and be more straight-forward with you. If they start to patronise you, say you can't help it. Why should you make the effort, if they're not bothered to make the effort themselves?

If you (like myself has done in the past), come across as flirty (like that boy hinting that he had a girlfriend), maybe, you should hint in a way, that you're only after friendship.

The helpful guy at college, do you see him in your class, or on a regular basis? If so, just start with small talk, and keep building the conversation each time you meet, and then, maybe suggest exchanging phone numbers, or casually ask to meetup outside of college, to go out somewhere maybe? Say something along the lines of "I'd like to get to know you as a friend". Adding the 'as a friend' bit, just in case he takes it the wrong way. If he's helpful enough, he shouldn't do.

Hope all this waffling helps.

Oh gosh, I've worried about the same thing. I can talk to guys and have a perfectly fine repoire in the instance but I never ask them to hang out cause Im worried they'll think Im coming on to them. They might get the wrong idea. Since I left college, 1.5 yrs ago, the most I was able to muster was asking to study together or visiting co-workers to eat lunch with them. I didnt know how to take it beyond that without worrying about me asking them out? The closest I've gotten to making a friend was with a co-worker with a gf but things already got awkward between us. Asking him to hangout would have made things worse.

Or you could befriend aspie guys if that's possible most of my guy friends are aspies or a bit odd. I think it's easier to understand them. I've never managed to have a lasting friendship with an NT guy because they either think I'm weird after a while or start asking me out on dates and I can't do dates.

I gave up trying to be friends with men because sooner or later they wanted to sleep with me even if they didn't particularly like me. It made things weird and awkward.

Clueless here. My friends have done the heavy (social) lifting for me. Otherwise, I never know is someone is talking to me because they want to be friends, or if they're just being "nice". It just dawned on me recently that someone was wanting to hang out with me, but she never directly asked me so it flew right over my head. I'm gonna curl up with my blanket now...

Exactly, John.

John?

My name's Connor.

Aspies.

Aspies. They all want so much of their own space, and they're often so intolerant, black and white, and one-sided. I have known so few aspies who actually like listening to other people. I've known very few who are actually reliable. One the other day even admitted to me that he kept being late because he was being a jerk, not because of his other problems. That infuriated me.

And I'm supposed to have a boyfriend, who has AS, who should want to see me, but he has problems. He is full of hate, and has absolutely NOTHING nice to say about me. And he wonders why I feel so insecure about the whole relationship.

As for you John, I don't know what the hell you're planning, but it isn't going to work. You hurt me and kept trying to string me along and you're a JERK.

And that time you kept pushing me to open up about my fears, and had nothing to say to cheer me up - that made me feel AWFUL and you just turned around to walk out. I *despise* you for doing that to me. And you STILL go on about how you were right about your mum being horrible to me. I absolutely HATE you. Get lost and stop following me on here.

Thanks for the advice all the same Jeanna, but I respectfully disagree!

Excuse me, I came on to this website recently diagnosed with AS.

I saw how you were down in the 'letters' thread, and decided to help, and give advice, as well as discuss AS with other people.

You have definitely mistaken me for someone else, but I will back off as requested.

Why not just tell them from the outset that you're not interested in them sexually or romantically. I think a lot of men would really appreciate that kind of honesty. I know it probably sounds very blunt and it's not the usual kind of thing one would say, but if it's the truth then why not say it?

Know the feeling.



Sort of know the feeling, except they liked me, but only as something more than friendship.



That's happened to me before too, sort of. Me and this guy were great friends, and we got along *really* well. He got a girlfriend and then things got awkward between us. His stepdad hated me (what *is* it with parents??) and completely ignored me, and wouldn't even look in my direction. I think his stepdad hated me because me and this guy got on so well. I was quite hyperactive at college and was told back then, and back at school that I flirted with everyone, even girls. To me it was just having fun. I think it looked like I was flirting with him, when I had no interest in him that way whatsoever.



That sounds a plan. Good old aspie bluntness comes in handy sometimes. Thanks for all your responses, people.

I have a lot of things in common with men, so it's incredibly easy to get a coffee together and talk about our similarities.

They never misunderstood my intentions because they knew, before getting any coffee together, that I was very direct, so if I didn't say "I'm interested in you romantically" or I didn't smile in a flirty way, then it meant I was not interested in them romantically and they knew it. I always avoided subleties that could mislead the situation.

And it always went well, all of them had girlfriends and were in love with them.

But it's true we never spent a lot of time together. They had more (guy) friends, and obviously they had their girlfriends.

I don't know about another kind of "only friendship" between men and women.

I'm baffled by this request. I can only give you the same advice that women tend to say to white men wanting black or asian girlfriends. Why should it be a man?

Agreed are their other reasons why men "friend" women , I cant think of any

If where such horrible people (myself included) why do you hunt us down Smudge ?